50 years after the destruction of earth, the entire population of earth split off into 12 man made planets, each under the watchful eye of the zodiac,With another name for these planets called "Houses". Aries, The Agrarian Worker. Taurus, The Steer of Heaven. Gemini, The Great Twins. Cancer, The Crayfish. Leo, The Lion. Virgo, The Furrow. Libra, The Scales. Scorpio, The Scorpion. Sagittarius, The Soldier. Capricorn, The Goat-Fish. Aquarius, The Great One. And Pisces, The Tail of the Swallow. Only the elderly and some adults remember the life and spoils Earth held, These 'planets' are all that of similar to a greenhouse, usually humid, no natural weather, only that of a hose or sprinkler, of course, these living conditions will not suffice for much longer, until the rebirth of the zodiac. I will tell the story of these zodiac reborn as the very children who live in these 12 planets. ♈ The Ram Meṣa She ran, all the time, through the artificial turf, through the busy streets of House of Self, She ran, as far as the eye could see. She was only six, and people could already tell she was to be a beautiful women, She had long wavy brown hair, hazel eyes and chubby cheeks, she seemed as if to be an identical twin to her late mother. yeah its not finished -_- OK so i guess it was just a demo, so i did not bother with grammar and punctuation, sorry you had to read that confusing story :/ i was even confused xD
As a demo, I find myself being interested in the use of the Zodiac as a form of story progression. I've intrigued to see how this plays out.
I usually would not comment on something so short, but you managed to convey quite a bit of both your story telling method and premise within these few words you've submitted and I find both interesting. I'd like to see a continuation of this in the future, with grammar and spelling checks as a matter of course. Stylistically there isn't anything off putting about this nor is there really anything that needs particular attention for correction. This is tentative given the amount I have to go on but I'd like to at least give some kind of praise for coming out with this much.
thank you! C: ♈ The Ram Meṣa She ran, all the time, through the artificial turf, through the busy streets of House of Self, She ran, as far as the eye could see. She was only six, and people could already tell she was to be a beautiful women, She had long wavy brown hair, hazel eyes and chubby cheeks, she seemed as if to be an identical twin to her late mother. She came home to her father, a man who had been ill for a time now, and her grandmother, Nerea. She was the women who bathed, fed and protected Meṣa. Nerea is also widely respected among the House of Self, for being a precise fortune teller and a wise women,Meṣa always would ask for fortunes, and stories and distant memories about Earth. "Gramma! im home! do you need help making lunch!?" Meṣa yelled as she entered the front door. She heard no reply, She walked into the kitchen to find her grandmother with a surprised look, her eyes gone white, instead of her chestnut eyes, this was how she always looked during a fortune sighting. She heard coughing, she ran upstairs. "Daddy, please sit up, or else you will have a harder time breathing" again, more bad stuff :C i always get a little stiff when talking is involved still not done
