Just the Prologue for now. I may post more of it later. Had the idea bubbling around in my head for a while but i'm going to do a little bit of it each weekend when I can. CnC would be greatly appreciated. I will go back and add more description-wise into the prologue, but i'd like to give everyone a chance to voice their opinions first. Spoiler: Prologue Prologue: To Kill a King Corvus; the city of Nobles, capital of the country Rivelle and led by the king. In a world where magic is extremely rare and feared everywhere, it is on a dark night like any other that the story unfolds. A lone figure approached the castle wall, having gone unnoticed by the people he had walked past. A muscular man with a linear deep red scar on the left side of his face and completely bald along with red eyes, this man was the murderer Vex. He was wearing black pants and a gray shirt, and also had a black cloak on. He looked up at the wall. He dug his fingernails into the small crevices of the wall and began his ascent. Slowly but surely, he began climbing the wall. Once he climbed to the top, he pulled himself up. The guard that was supposed to be on watch had not noticed him, but this was to be expected; Corvus was one of the few cities in the world that had nearly a zero crime rate. At least, zero crimes that were reported. Vex snuck over to the guard and quietly hit him in the back of the neck swiftly, knocking him unconscious. Usually he would have preferred to simply kill the guard, but the guard would be needed later. Vex walked along the wall, repeating the process to the other three guards that were on the eastern side of the wall. If he were to complete his plan, he would need to be quiet and quick; something he himself hated. Vex came to the tower. Not just any tower, but the tower that the king resided in. Once again he would need to climb. Placing his hands in the small crevices, he pulled himself up about a metre before he heard an angry shout. He figured that the remaining guards had probably stumbled upon the unconscious guards, he probably didn't have much time before they realized what was going on. Vex picked up the pace, pulling himself up with a slight struggle before he reached the window into the king's room. Vex reached his arms through the window and held onto the side of the window edges. With a heave he pulled himself in through the window and into the room. He landed on the floor with a soft thump. The king was sitting in his bed reading a book, and was clearly shocked to have someone climb through his window. The king opened his mouth, presumably to shout for help. "I wouldn't do it if I were you, little king. You may not like the consequences" Vex said coldly. The king eyed him with suspicion. "You carry no weapon, what are you going to do from all the way over there? My guards will be here before you can get to me, they're stationed right outside my room" the king responded. Vex smirked and held out his right arm. Focusing for a brief second, sparks of lightning started flowing around his arm as though his arm was an electric circuit. He waited for the king's response. The king's skin turned a very pale colour as fear set in his heart. "Magic.." the king stated. "This throne is mine, little king. Your reign is over, and mine is about to begin. The strong will rule with an iron fist, and the weak will die out like the scum they are" Vex declared. The king opened his mouth once more to call out but was silenced by an arc of lightning that flew into him. The king's body began shaking violently, being electrocuted with the force of ten thousand volts, before dying altogether. Vex walked over and sat down on the king's bed. Tomorrow he would move into the throne room, and anyone that dared to oppose him would be killed. He fell back and layed down on the king's bed and stretched out. "Ah, it feels good to be the king" he said with a cruel laugh.
Bumping again. Please guys, i'm planning on trying to get this published, any critique is appreciated.
It's great so far, maybe a but more detail, try to get a good visual image in someones head, put yourself as the reader, "What would the average reader find easiest and more comfortable to read?", if you already started it, you should try to finish it. and as for the whole magic aspect, Magic is a very loose element, you could make it Extremely specific (like Fairy Tail for example), or since magic was "extinct" you could make it a more loose, mystical "unexplained" thing, it's your choice and I would find either quite enjoyable (But no jumping back and forward!) I'm sure you can make this a great novel with the right inspiration and perseverance! I know you can feel like no motivation at times, but its much easier to continue a story than to start one, trust me, it took almost a year for me to write my 1st chapter of my story because i kept changing it. if you ever need to talk about or discuss writing in any way, please ring me, good luck bro!
