Cristal heart gardion

Erin ran down the streat. he knew if he stoped even 4 a second they would cach him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Erin screamed as a bulit whent into his sholder.

"we got him now!" A man said to a group of others

Erin crawled into a hole in a busted up wall in an abandond bilding

"thease people just wonte give up." Erin thout to himself as he heard a cracking sound

then the floor crashed in. Erin fell to the bottom and he layed unconches.





sorry it's short if u like it there will be more

 

7.0012/10

spelling's better than the others but its still important k?
you could add a bit more detail.
other than that, pretty good! ^^

 

Erin awoke in much pain. he examined the the area around him. there was bits and peaces of rocks and concreat all around him. he could already see the blood coming off of him. he was suroundid by it.

"I better get out of hear before they finde me!" he said as he walked thogh cracks of bildings untill he made it out to the contry.

he layed down next to a pond and examined the area. unlike the batterd cite this blase was very difrent. the grass was grean and flowers of all colars surounded him. the sean whent on till it met the cite and for miles in the other direcshon.

"what am I going to do now?" he asked himself as he stared at his reflecshon in the pond.

Erin was a hansom younge man. he had black hair, blue eyes and only a few freckles. he wore all black exept 4 a cristal heart on a golden chain that he wore around his neck. that necalice was the reason everyone was after him...atlease...almost everyone...

 

Oi vey, what a mess. Ok, a few pointers.

1: Capitalization. Sentences always start with a capital letter. "The cat in the hat." Not, "the cat in the hat".

2: Spelling. I can't stress this enough. Kh-Vids has a spell checker on the "Post Reply" page, it's there to be used.

3: Punctuation. Some of your sentences don't need Periods where you've placed them, Commas would do just fine.

4: Length. This is just a presonal quirk, but chapters should be longer than what you've posted.

Regardless of all the errors, this is a decent story, and hey, you're not using ChatSpeak. That's always a plus. ;) Do keep it up.

 

Erin walked out to a clearings and met up with Zharo his dragon.

"What happend to you?" Zharo asked

"Some loosers thought they were going to steal the cristal, but they were wrong." Erin replied

"I see, and how close did you cut it?" Zharo asked

"wa? you hae apselootly no fath in me do you?" Erin asked

"Nope! not any at all!" Zharo anserd

"well oyu should...AAAAAAAAAAA!" Erin yelled faling over in pain from the wound

" Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?" Zahro asked pulling Erin on his back.

Erin layed on Zharo's back trying to ignor the pain.

"That is it! We are leaving this humin world for a wile!" Zharo said making a portal and flying throw.

 

very cool i like it

 

tyvm!

Erin awoke in the world of magic

"you ok?" Zharo asked

"yah...I'm fine. Hey! I told you we were staying in the humin world!" Erin yelled

"Well you were hurt and I had to get you out of there! If it was up to me you would never go back there! Humins are evil and there world is dieing because of it!" Zharo replied

"So I'm evil?" Erin asked iritated

"No, but that is only because you were raised hear! If you had been raised there you would be the same as them!" Zharo explained

"Oh yah?" Erin chalenged

"Yah!" Zharo said

"Are you to playinmg nice?" A voice asked

 

Please, please, please, please, please, work on your spelling and grammar. It's difficult to read and understand the story because of it. Pretty much follow any direction silverhikari gave you, because I agree with that.

If you fix up the spelling and grammar, I'll tell you what I think of the actual story. And I hope I don't sound mean, because I'm really not trying to be.

 

I'm sorry the pc wonte let me use the spell check hear and my word program is not acting right

 

Ok, according to your profile, you're 13. I don't know about where you live, but down here in Texas, any 13 year old that spells like this would be held back a year or more in school.

I understand if computer problems are keeping you from quickly proofreading your work, but that's no excuse for keeping what could be an excellent story like this. Take the time to look over your story, sound out the words, if something dosen't look right, ask your Mom or Dad to look it over. Also, Google has a free downloadable toolbar that has a spellchecker. Ask your parents, it might help out the whole family.

I don't mean to sound offensive or insulting, but all these, errors, for lack of a more appropriate term, is keeping this story from being it's best. You seem creative, but we have nothing to go on for your characters or your potential.

I'll try to give as many tips as I can, but stories, are really something that you have to do yourself. If they don't come from the heart, they won't mean anything.

~SH

 

u know what! I know my spelling sucks! I'll just make u all happey and quit wrighting!

 

no don't quit. you write good. Please don't quit

 

well aparently spelling is to important tyo wright if u can't do it...not like today hasn't been bad anoth

 

like i said don't quit. i like the the story as it is. i don't spell good either.

 

ok...but only if ur sure!

 

I am sure. I realy can't spell good. plz:(

 

"huh?" they both asked

the voice belonged to a younge girl named Destiny. she was 12, had brown curly hair that whent down to her knees, and shiny grean eyes. She is the new gardion on the magic world.

"oh hi Destiny!" Erin greated

"hi des!" Zharo said

"hi boys! playing nice?" Destiny said

"sorta." Erin said

"come on we'll talk about this later...the elders want you." Destint said

they all walked off with Destiny in the lead.

 

what happends next.

 

lol that is the next chapter

 

Next chapter please