No, not coming out gay, I've already done that. Coming out atheist. Ugh, lame attempt at humor. Ha ha. Okay, so I've known that I'm an atheist for quite a while. Maybe even before I knew I was gay, maybe not, because maybe me being gay had something to do with it. I don't find it much of a big deal, but I live in a Catholic household. We never so much practice religion except when there's a death in the family, which there recently was—my grandmother died suddenly of a heart attack three weeks ago. More on that later. I'm never comfortable talking to my family about anything, I think it's a miracle that I already came out gay to them on my 17th birthday (I'm 18 now). After they said they were okay with it we never spoke of it again, but they did stop pestering me about getting myself a girlfriend. I was never able to sum up the courage to tell them that I'm an atheist too, instead I posted on my Facebook profile that I'm an atheist. I knew that the word would get out and somehow find it's way to my parents, whom never even touch computers. I was right. When my mother found out she was all, "You're not an atheist. You're a non-practicing Catholic. Change your Facebook profile.". Least she didn't yell, like the time I told her I wanted to be a vegetarian. Hearing those sentences took me by surprise, it had been almost a year since I posed that little bit of info, and such a random time to tell me she knew—we were in a 5 hour car ride to a weekend at Las Vegas, celebrating the new year. I was half-asleep at the time, and ignored her words. My mother is pretty much the only person I know that's concerned that I don't believe in God, or knows I don't believe, nobody else seems talks about it. Next time the subject came up was the following Sunday. My mom invited me to come with her to church, something I haven't done in like, 10 years. I declined. Then I was thoughtfully reminded by her that I'm not actually an atheist. A couple of weeks later, just when I thought the subject of me being an atheist was forgotten, my grandmother died. I think I loved my grandma very much, but her death started a wave of daily prayers throughout my entire family (which is very large, thanks to her), which I participated in to not upset anyone. Horrible! Not a day goes by that I'm reminded that I'm different. I guess this isn't really a traditional help with life thread, I can deal with people not tolerating me not believing in God. I just need a place to vent. I'm shy as **** and I hate talking face to face. I didn't think my so-called friends would be a good candidates to go talk to. They (both) believe in ghosts, and look down on me for not believing in them too, and are scared of saying bloody Mary three times in front of a mirror. Things that I believe are used to scare children, like the bogeyman. I'm not sure if I can respect someone who believes in fairy tales. I would be hard-pressed to discuss anything serious with them. I know this is a harsh thing to say but I can't help losing respect for someone when I hear that they believe in the supernatural. It's so hard to casually meet other people who are atheists, religion is such controversial thing to bring up, you never know where people stand. Today is Valentine's Day! Ugh! I dread it. Relationships? Nice young men who happen to be atheist, gay, and vegetarian? FORGET IT! I guess being a vegetarian isn't a standard for me, but still. I'm perfectly fine being alone, but I'm not sure if I want it to say like this for the rest of my life. Anyone else familiar with the character James from the novel Someday This Pain Will Be Useful to You? Or Brian Kenny from the series Queer as Folk? Yeah, I'm VERY much like them beliefs and personality wise, but I don't want to end up like them! I know this is a very controversial post, but if you don't have anything nice to say I would rather not hear it. So yeah, as for questions, um, my questions to you are: How do I get over myself and teach them to accept me, and how do I let myself accept them? I gave myself multiple laughs writing this post. Thanks for reading.
First of all, being an atheist isn't strange or wrong in anyway. It seems like you have some misconceptions about them, like they're something uncommon or out of the ordinary, or as if they can't peacefully coexist with even the most extreme Catholics (or other religions). I know you said you said you're shy and it's difficult to bring these things up, but letting your parents catch wind of the fact that you're an atheist (or anything at all, for that matter) via Facebook isn't a good idea. They may not take you seriously, and it's a bit of a cop out. As uncomfortable as it may be, they're your parents, and it's probably best to just sit down and discuss it with them. If you really feel like you can't do that, try writing them a note. Either way, just ask them to hear you out before saying anything, and make it clear that this is something you're serious about. And I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, I know how difficult it can be. <3
I was raised Catholic, by Catholics. I am, and I plan on being atheist for the remainder of my life. I understand your predicament and all I can say is that you DO NOT want to become an atheist if you're just "losing faith" in your God. Your family may not always accept your beliefs or non-beliefs, however, you should stand by what you feel i the right decision. And don't be one of those d-bag atheists who start up religious disputes with your friends everyday. I go to a Catholic school. As for your Grandmother, I'm sorry for what happened, and you are right for doing what you did out of respect for her. Though at my school, where we are "forced" to pray everyday, I just stand there facing the crucifix. That's just from personal experience. You're 18. You have full right to be who you want and no one else can tell you differently. For all of this I hope for your safest "journey" through this. It's not always the easiest thing to do in life when you tell Catholic parents that you're non-religious. As for your question, you cannot force people to accept you. It's just a fact of life. If your friends don't accept you, they shouldn't be your friends in the first place. If your family doesn't, then they must not be very good parents (no offense, just speaking generally for all parents with "different" children) because last time I checked, parents are supposed to accept you and have unconditional love for their children, which I'm sure they do but they must feel shaken up to say the least. I would find someone who could relate to you and talk it out with you through stuff like this. This is only my opinion. I'm not a professional about this stuff. Good luck to you.
If it does devolve into a war, remember that you have far more cannon fodder. In fact, a warzone might not be so bad for you, because it would allow your parents to see that you're serious. The downside is the rift it may create. Also, they'd have to be the ones to initiate it, so you're not the bad guy. Just continue not-practicing religion and if it's brought up, tell them you don't have any faith what-so-ever. They'll either accept it after a while and give up (victory), or they'll go into war mode, and try to reconvert you, in which case you then start defending your position.
Oh I know atheism isn't wrong. Actually, I believe it's the only right. The only atheist I'm talking about is myself, and how I'm not sure if I can make new friends who are religious, looking past the fact that I think they're delusional. I know I can go about things immaturely, like the Facebook thing. I'll have work on my shyness, but it's who I am. I always get shy when talking to a non-relative over the phone! I remember in an interview I was asked if I was shy, they had to assure me multiple times that they're not putting me on the spot. Instead of a note, how about I show them this thread? Tell them, "Come here! Read this!" Egh. If I do, never in my life would I had shared anything more intimate with my parents. Sometimes I wish I can take it back. I think my family could have lived happily not knowing I'm both a homo and atheist. And I think I would have been just fine keeping it to myself. Why did I ever feel obligated to tell them? Maybe I wasn't ready to tell them. I remember telling myself, "Better sooner than later!" Pfft! I've been an atheist a long time, I'm sure that it's not "losing faith." Accepting it after a while is exactly what happened with my vegetarianism. They always make sure that I have something to eat on the table. Maybe there's hope yet. We're visiting my grandmother's grave site later today, there's a good chance me being an atheist will come up. If so, I should just come out and talk with them. Telling myself, "Just do it. Just do it. Just do it" worked when coming out gay, but that was so much easier! Just two words. I said, "I'm gay." They said, "Okay." No need for explanation. My atheism is the only thing they haven't been supportive. Maybe they'll eventually they'll lighten up.
Crisp to be honest i don't think there is a way of which i could explain to you in which you would understand because personally i hardly understand it myself. The only way solve your problem is to lose your sense of self and simply take in there views and perceptions, then find yourself again and think upon there perceptions and view and try and find some wisdom in them which you yourself understand aswell. Thats a poor explaination but if you can understand it then great.
Well, there's your problem. If ever you think you're the only one who's right, you need to take a step back and think things through again. The bottom line is, you don't know. You have no idea. Yes, you have a scope of reality that you can observe, and your observations tell you that theistic beliefs are absurd. That's you. There's a reason many theists think atheism is absurd as well; because it's an equally valid point to take. For all we know, the sky is purple and cats are actually alligators. Yeah, it sounds ridiculous; but take a look at epistemology if you don't believe me. We have a discipline for studying how we know things, and for all intents and purposes they are totally stumped. I'm not talking high-schoolers, I'm talking people with doctorates in philosophy, saying we never know for sure. And this is concrete, sensory data I'm talking about, not even something as abstract as religion or origin theory. The most fundamental prerequisite for a civil, healthy debate is that both sides respect each other's viewpoints and are simply making a point for their own. Maybe you can apply that here; you might not want to debate, but it's a good rule of thumb regardless. If you learn to respect your peers, regardless of what they believe, maybe you will find it easier to overcome your shyness and not feel so isolated. You are isolating yourself by taking this stance. You do need to tell them at some point. There's not only the fact that complications will arise more and more often if you don't tell them, but they have a right to the truth. Regardless, you ought to be able to feel comfortable sharing it with them, or they're not doing their jobs as parents. I'm guessing from the rest of your post that you've already worked up the nerve, so don't lose it. I'm sure they'll warm up to the idea.
Um, because they're your FAMILY? Because they raised you and deserve to know? It's probably not too good to tell them so soon after the death of a family member (sorry, by the way), but they are going to have to figure out eventually. My advice would be to just start spending more time with them. Eventually it will have to come up in conversation, and you can just...casually mention it.
You could behave as you believe, and if they question it, you can then question why it's a bad choice, at which point you react, debating your side. e.g. Your mother: Why aren't you praying? You: Atheist, remember? Your mother: You're not an atheist. You: I have no belief in a higher power. That makes me an atheist. Do you have a problem with that? Your mother: You are going to burn in hell. You: There is no hell. etc. Sound as if it woud work, or not?
It's his family we are talking about here. And by the information given, it seems like his parents are actually comprehensive, and are willing to listen. I'm not really sure there's a need to go into "war" with them. Crisp, you should just be plain with them, but still courteous and kind. You should tell them your beliefs and why you decide to be an atheist. Tell them that they shouldn't try to convert you, and that you hope that you can still keep living as you have been normally. It's really about going calmly and steady. This doesn't guarantee that they'll go with it, but at least it lessens the friction.
Basically, Chevalier said partly what I wanted to say. The fact is, you should tell them you don't believe in God. To some parents, being a homosexual is much worse than being "unfaithful", so you might have already gone through the worst. Although, when you tell them, be sure to tell them in a calm manner, and in no way try to offend them, say your beliefs are different than there's. It's so easy to offend someone. This I have to disagree with. When it's something as big as being homosexual, it's better for people to know, especially your family members. There's nothing worse than living a lie. For example, you're having a hard time with the Atheism thing no? And you want people to accept you, no? It's basically the same thing. Complications will arise sure, but it'll make you feel better in the end.
Abandon my sense of pride and open up to others? Sounds like a fortune cookie. But yes, I guess you guys are right. That's kind of what's already been going on with my mother, except for the burning in hell part, it's not something she would ever say to anyone. EDIT: And thanks for you guys who tried to console me for the death of my grandmother, I've already accepted her death. Her death and all the upcoming deaths of everyone I know and don't know. Just cause people die doesn't mean they were never here. I think I'm at peace with death.
