I smile a lot. I smile when smiling is inappropriate. I smile when I'm happy, I smile when I'm not, I smile at funerals, I smile when I'm hurting people's feelings, I smile when people pour their hearts out to me. In fact I'm smiling right here and now. So here's the thing. Because of this little feat, some people (okay, a lot of people) have labeled me as untrustworthy and/or sadistic. Many have stopped asociating with me altogether. It's true that I display my fair share of apathy and Schadenfreude but those who know me place me in their good books rather than their shitlist (I hope). They know I can be depended upon when push comes to shove, and they respect the fact that I hate showing my true emotions (that's the big idea of this smiling thing after all). So I thought: "Hey, but no one gets to know me if they don't trust me right? Maybe I really should open up to people so they'll see the real me?" That's all well and good. But...I started thinking and realized this: "Why the hell should I change for people who refuse to give me the benefit of the doubt? I want to keep my personality as it is, thank you very much." I know that I never asked anybody to change for me, neither explicitly nor implicitly. Why would I have to do it? Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that I'm getting what I deserve. I just don't seem to care much. I just keep on smiling. You think I'm doing the right thing here? One more thing...There is a good reason why this topic isn't in the "Help with life" section. The reason being that I don't need help with life. I do things my own way. I just want to hear your opinions on this matter, as in "What would you do if you were me?".
It's kind a clear why people would label you untrustworthy. I do find this highly funny for some reason, I always thought the cheshire cat was mad. Back on subject....well, most of the time my conscience, doesn't allow me to be so sadistic......i've always been too nice for my own good. are you sure your sadist nature is the only thing keeping people away?
I do see what you are saying here, though I think in some ways you aren't being honest with yourself when you smile at things, as you say, that do not make you happy. I remember when I was 13 and I went to my grandfather's funeral. I loved him very much and he was one of the most influential people to me and still is. However, I did not cry at his funeral and instead was supporting others and rather neutral, feeling that when I saw him there, he was the most peaceful I had ever seen him. He was out of pain and I felt that his spirit had moved on. Funerals to me have always been about the living people mourning and bidding farewell to the loved one. The dead, I've felt, simply probably don't care and if they do, I would let them know I missed them but not in the way I have seen others do it. I was taken by some as being very cold there because they were all in tears while I was calm and composed. I didn't -feel- cold though. I just felt at peace, weirdly enough, and that things would be okay. Hard to explain really. These things happen where people can feel some others don't display emotions normally and so it means something is wrong with them. I've made it a practice though to actually show what I feel and try to not overreact, because overreacting gets me nothing. Underacting gets me to be seen as cruel or distant. So, the best thing I could suggest to you is to actually be honest with -yourself- in what you feel. If you aren't happy, don't smile. Instead, try to wear a more appropriate expression to what you actually feel. At least give a neutral expression. This is for yourself as much as it is for others because yes, if you are laughing at things that would normally hurt you, or if you are smiling at things that actually don't make you at all pleased, you are deceiving yourself. As for smiling when you hurt someone, well, sometimes we do that. It is kind of sadistic to take pleasure from someone else's pain. But people do it and if it amuses you, you'd smile. If you feel bad about it, you shouldn't. In the end, I'd just say to be honest with yourself and check your own emotions and give expressions that actually match them. Then you aren't catering to what others want to see, but you are becoming more connected to yourself and you truly then give them what they see. As it is, you say why should you change if people won't give you the benefit of the doubt...I can say you should because you aren't giving them the truth anyway at the moment if you smile and aren't happy. Hope that makes sense.
I wouldn't call myself a sadist (even though I enjoy people failing or getting hurt from time to time). It's hard to explain (well actually it's not but I've done more than enough *****ing about myself for today). :p I am being honest with myself actually. Who said anything about deceiving oneself? I don't tuck away my feeling for myself; I tuck them away from everyone else. The ones I'm not being honest with is everybody else. And I don't see why I should. It is my choice what I reveal and what I keep hidden (and in the case of the latter, how I should conceal it). I don't see myself as someone who fools himself, my smile is not a sign of denial if that's what you were implying. ;) No one understands me. And I'm feeling like one of those emo kids already. :p Nah, just kidding. Carry on I guess. I'm having fun. *keeps reading*
Well.... you can smile all you want. my friend started laughing when he's uncle died, i started laughing when they stole my DS and my PSP...but then i cried XD. but , i still stand by the opinion of holding it in....and most of the time it's not in my nature to smile at misery, i don't do to others what i don't want to be done to me.
That is the point right there. If you are not honest with others, that is why you are judged as you are. If you display something you do not feel, you are being intentionally misleading and so the labels that people assign you...you give them validation to do so. If you want people to understand you more, show them who you really are. If you do not, you are intentionally being deceptive and so you will always be misunderstood. In the end it's up to you. People will sometimes still mislabel you if your demeanor matches your inner feelings, but at the same time, they may always misjudge you if you keep playing, what they will take as mind games, with them. I hope that makes sense. You can't expect others to understand you if you aren't giving them the truth. We can all get annoyed when people misread us but if we intentionally conceal ourselves from others, it's our own fault.
But being open about myself goes against my nature. I dislike it for reasons I don't care to share. The more I talk about my feelings or the more I even show them, the less I'm true to who I want to be. In other words, I'd be honest to others at the cost of not being honest to myself. Remaining question: who is more important? Myself or others? That has been the real question all along. As I said, I know that I'm getting what I deserve. To have interaction one individual must take initiative. And when things get more serious, I'm not the one willing to do that. And neither are they. So I guess it's a stalemate when handing out blame.
i think maybe you should try blank stares and clenching you teeth together. that's what I do when I don't want to talk or cry, or laugh, or anything :]
In the end, I tend to think that self importance is equal to the importance of others and I weigh the factors involved to decide at the moment in time which should be catered to more. There are circumstances where I know that it would not hurt me nearly as much as it would hurt someone else if I do or do not do an act. Is it right to not consider other people's feelings or their purposes and merits to life? I don't think so. Also, think of it this way. If you are considerate of others, it does help you in a way because even though some people may be selfish and inconsiderate, there are others who will remember what you have done for them or how you reacted to a situation that favored them, and it gives you some allies in this life you lead. So, I'd say that caring for others in turn also means you care for yourself. This is not to say that we can and should be martyrs, giving of ourselves till it hurts. It does not mean we should cater to the desires that others want and that we should live by other people's expectations. However, it does imply that unless you want to make yourself purposely an outcast, you do have to compromise and at least recognize other people's positions in things so that you can make decisions that benefit you and the others. In that way, you prevent needless faux pas and incidences. So in other words, we get back to the 'if you aren't happy, why smile and be misleading?' issue. What are you really protecting here? Your identity? You do have a self and it is recognized. If you express yourself in certain ways though, you do potentially harm others and yes, some people are incredibly thin-skinned so we can 'offend' them without meaning to. Others however, they are worth it to invest in and perhaps those thin-skinned people learn things as well if we are at least giving them a demeanor that is true, whether they like it or not. The truth in most cases is what helps you be a whole person and it's to your benefit at least, let alone to others who will come to accept that. I hope it makes sense what I've just said but if you have questions about it, please ask.
