Prologue I used to love sunsets, you know. I used to admire the way the sun, firey and poud, slowly sunk beneath the humble horizon, lighting the landscape ablaze in a last, spectacular convergence of glory. The red color that spread across the horizon as if by a painter's brush used to make my heart pound in wonder and admiration. I think it reminded me of Mom's hair. My hair. The ghosts of the past seemed to well up from the wooden porch beneath me, and for a moment I could feel her hand on my shoulder, her comforting arm around my shoulder. I pushed the memories back into the recesses of my mind before they could cause too much damage, letting out a shaky breath as the cherry across the horizon turned instead to a splatter of blood. Perhaps it was what happened to Jake and me that ruined sunsets. I watched as the gnarled, contorted hands of the brush clawed at the sun's virgin hide, dragging it down into the bowels of the black earth. In a last attempt to burn off the restraints, the sun engulfed the ground, the weeds, the pine trees in a burst of flame. I thought for a moment I was going to burn up in the holy blaze, wings expanding behind me in some kind of plea to the divine. It was then that the sun finally died below the horizon, its absense a black hole that destroyed all color from the world. Closing my eyes, I lowered my head a little bit, feeling a few loose strands of my scarlet brush my cheek. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's Note: I wish I knew how to indent on this website. D:
*firey and proud I like this. Very articulate description and you're clearly apt in your choice of vocabulary. The introduction felt personal as if your narrative is directly addressing the reader, which was an effective touch. I felt as if you brought this in too suddenly; it was just thrown onto the end of your descriptive paragraph. Some sort of transition into a flashback should be used. Italics could be particularly effective, as could seperating flashbacks from the main body of text, especially seperating the line "perhaps it was what happened to Jake and I..." Like this: "Perhaps it was what happened to Jake and me that ruined sunsets. I watched as the gnarled, contorted hands of the brush clawing at the sun's virgin hide, dragging it down into the bowels of the black earth..." Anyway, very good start overall, and nice title, I love a bit of french. Keep it up :3
How come you didn't tell me you posted this? >< *Hopes that this will not get locked* Anyways, gees. Your writing has improved since the last time I looked at it. Juicy made some good points though how some things seemed out of place, but you know what to do now. The imagery is so amazing though, I could literally place myself in the story and see what the narrator is seeing/feeling; the sunset, the unwanted memories flooding back, wow. Please post more? ;~;
