-his lust for power- He lusted for revenge,an enemy in between me. His enemy is my best friend alrite. Thy cannot understand why.... Thy has always cried for thy thought was in love.. When all along it was just lust... Thy see him every day... Thy kills me inside everytime he looks away..Thy want to be gone But Thy knows thats not the answer to this problem.... My boyfriend kissed my best friends girlfriend in front of both of us. My boyfriend did that because he hates my best friend so much he was willing to hurt me. He tried singing under my window thinking this always works. At the end I poured ice cold water on him and said"It's over.". Now hes flaunting his new girlfriend. It hurts me very bad but i'm gonna try and get over it! Has someone dumped or hurt you due to seven deadly sins of self? Life will go on but for now let me cry. and when I'm hapy my tears of him will die to make room for more love/lust in my life.
Um.. I won't comment on the part you put in at the end, since I cannot contribute and feel my opinions unnecessary. However, I shall review the poem. I'm going to guess that you did intentionally write "thy" throughout the piece and it was not a mispelling of "they". Very little (maybe even none) of the lines make sense, I'm afraid, as the word was used incorrectly. The only lines in exception to this are the first two- and even the second line had a spelling mistake. "Alrite" should be "alright". I can see you made a decent attempt with the presentation but often too many colors can look messy, so choose wisely.
I'm over the jerk and I fail at English when I'm depressed. Sorry. I just Had to share. He broke my heart my vf of two years broke my heart because he'd rather make me suffer too.(he kissed my best friends girlfriend) my best friend is a boy. He once stole a girl away from my bf looonng before we went out. And that day I read Romeo and Juliet. So that's where 'thy' came from. And my spelling errors of alrite come from texting. And the mixed up colors failleedd. Just another FYI note to all yew smarties!
Can I want you? Can I? Ohhh can I? I want you in my life! But for now I just have to dream about something that could be real! -can I? Just came to me had to share. Well ur lyric on the one u want?
It was a little too short to base any opinions upon, I'm afraid. If you're looking for feedback you should probably try to show us a bit more, rather than just a snapshot of your thoughts. If you really want to get into song writing, you should look into devices, such as rhyme and rhythm count. n_n
Here's the first lyrics: When I see you I can't get you outta my head uh oh woah woah When I pass you by,you are always laughing ahhhhhhh I know it's a crazy feeling but I can't get you outta my head I know it s crazy I know it's crazy so.... Can I... Hold you? Kiss you? Want you? Touch you? Be with you? Can I do all those things and call you mine with our hands intertwined can I? Can I? Can I? Can I? I know I'm begging but i'm begging for your love your heart is what I want to have in my hands so can I?
I like it, "Can I?" it is a good song in my oppinion! :) I think you should make more though... you are a good song writer!
Pretty Good Pretty good. It might be just a little short but all and all you got your point across and that is the makings of an outstanding poet/songwriter. There it is, I enjoyed it :)
I am a star. A single star all alone surronded by darkness. Stuck in a world where it's nothing more than a tiny heat of ray of some sort As I watch over these people They stare at me in amazement Oh how they wish to be me Up in space to shine so bright. (This is for a class but i really wanted to share it. hope you enjoy!) Volley ball By mE! ^^ I Stand in stance ready to win this game ready to smack the ball. As I smack the ball the pain is undeniable. For the ball has a speed thats so fast flocking from each side of the court. I am dodging yet losing. I think to myself... Why? Why can't I win? Why does it end this way when i've come so far... So close.... to be part of a win... in a gym game..... I spent my whole life trying to be good at this game but i always fail... like with friendships... i start to cry... the tears swell up.. then out of nowhere... i get smacked in the face with the volleyball... that's when i realize... I make myself miserablbe... by hanging around all these horrible people... they are constantly evil.... yet now... of all times after they hurt me lied to me and back stabbed me.... i know realize... they play a dirty game of volleyball... by keep smacking me with the ball with my face... A face that has done nothing wrong... but tried to be someone else...... they won't ever help anyone... but their sorry selves.... they make everyone miserable and i realize, by calling me fake and telling me what to do... screw them... this is my life... my time will come when at the reunion they'll be the ones.... wishing... hoping for a second chance.... or not... but their personality is unbearable to show.... i know now... i don't need that group of people who constantly kill the real me inside.... i didn't realize nor did i listen... til i figured out myself... in the game of life... in the game of volleyball... because when your not carefull nor nice or only care for yourself... no one will be there to protect you when the ball smacks you in the face.... in the game of volleyball. OCC: First poem...true story i realized who i wanted to be etc etc sorry for misspells! i'm gonna write about my experinces so people will be protected...PM if yu want the real story and no spam or flaming or saying stuff..cause that is just so stupid....seriously....anyways nice comments are apperacticed! i hope you liked it! ^^ this poem is in decation to anyone who was hurt by a group of bullies....your special and their jealous of you if they're teasing you! ^^'''''''eh hehe just saying cause people are like that well enjoy! ^^
It feels ordinary It feels ordinary By MandyXRiku4ever As i walk through the streets These streets, are nothing but to, walk, run, die on the cold, speed with a car with an engine, an engine designed to cause destruction, death, numbness, pain, horror, blood, Society has made this, so ordinary, so boring, like it's nothing, not to fix, not to handle, to make more, to kill the innocence, to kill my mom, who died a few years ago, due to, a car so fast, an engine so powerfull, and, a drunk driver who was going to a party, Hit her so hard, the car crushed her life, And to us it's ordinary to even die like that. The Way The streets, the grass, the water, the way it is, it keeps becoming a bad thing, a good thing, a single chill in a dark closed room, a single sweat drop in a open room, that is life, that is the way, the way you chose your life. this came from my own experinces. Enjoy! ^^ ^^
God...I almost had a heartattack when I saw this thread... At first I thought you were talking about me...>.>
A neew Beginning A New Beginning Today, I'm gonna skip school and ride on the real bus, Today I'm gonna sit in class and pretend that I really care when all I can think about you,think about you, And when the ball rings to go, i'm gonna let you know, That this place is breaking and tearing us apart and i can't be myself because of all thos*******,****** girls, and they call high school the start of letting gooo oh woah oh woah ohh when really all you do is Hide your face as muchh as you can, You are too afraid to be yourself, and when summer comes it's like the clock is ticking and your waisting time in thiss life, whoi said that this should be the beginning maybe i should teach this world a lesson that life doesn't have to be this wayoh no you can choose life yes you can so stop complaing and whining yeah you know what i just said, Just shut up for once because what chance do you have of being real by acting like a prissss?I know this for a fact that i can be whoever i wanna be and yes i'm gonna start yes i am you can't stop just because you don't like the way i am acting you don't like the way i wear my hair mmy clothes you seem to think that i am some fake well listen here dianan i'll show you that i don't need your prissyness i don't need your b.s. iand i don't need to be someone like youu who has to put others down and who has to put up with youu! this is a new begginng this is a new beginning this is a new beginning this is a new beginning and i'm not gonna let you stand in my way! i'm not gonna let you win! i'm not gonna give in to this start, i'm gonna become something real and one day you'll be beging for a job and i will let you in because it's a new beginning right now it's a new beginning right now. A New beginning. It's starting so getting ready right about now, The future has many choices why do i have to be with that? Why can't I be a weather girl or a pastry chef? Why can't I be a bad girl instead of a good girl? it's like the question would rather just leave me blank but i'll find those answers and no it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be a long rode but i will o anything to find those to find mself with this new beginning right about now! ~last day of school of inspiration, i hope you like it! ^^ came from my hearttt! lol later! A little story about a star i know She sits on her front porch dreaming of being a somebody, Tired of a nobody, Wanting to be the center, imagining the life, people bowing,fans cheering, boys are blushing and suttering, Becoming something huge, important, beautiful,unbelieveable,and loving, the life of a star she dreams, at night, at day, through the year, through the phases of a moon, dreaming while looking up at the stars the beautiful stars just like down here only famous & happy, but now the happyness is gone, and she has choice, to become a little story about a star i know, who lost her hope & faith as she grew up on that dream and became a mom, she had a difficult daughter, the daughter was mean, nothing like before, nothing, the nothing felt like an empty shell of a nobody going where no where but to her misery, she keeps dreaming, of being a star but on her gaurd, the dreams never stopped, Until she crashed by a drunk driver, A little story about a girl I know, i foud her diary, and readit, and continued to the end, then i cried for the sorrow she felt through the years, i'd ask myself 'why?' 'why?' this poem is about my mom in decation, hoped you liked it! ^^
Your work in the blue text- you should re-structure that, because I honestly thought it was prose. If you're going to submit songs, it is advised to split them into verses, a chorus etc You've got some great vocabulary btw, I was just looking through your other lyrics. (:
That was realy good. I agree with Juciy about the blue writing, but I loved the yellow one. You have a large vocabulary, and it was a touching poem. I almost cried.
Sure! i was just trying to find my color & thank you & great idea! i will so it just i have a hard time with thesongs so...^^''''' That whole poem is based on a true story, and it's okay, she's in a safe place, ^^ Ids it bad? Is it bad... to wish? to be a little kid again all over? Not to buy thee last crap? to not like what 'everybody else' likes? to be yourself? to like the same sex? to like that guy? to like that girl? to hang out with that girl &boy? is it bad? Is it bad to wear my hair in curls? To have my clothes not match? to love my dad? to hang out with family? is it bad... not to give a damn? about what you say? or do? because i'm new & done with this person by listening to you & your lies. Your lies are trash because you wish to be me. Is it bad? No. but to lie? Yes it is. to listen to you. true story again! ^^ i hoped you liked it!
Simely face My name is tate.(*Not her actual name but she called her self that) I live in a white room with white things. I have no hair. I have a red face. With purple things on my face, I'm thirteen years old. I have never seen a car park. Nor a happy face. I die soon i have to because doctor is stupid, and so is chemo, i can write, but i cannot ryhme, that makes me feel something, loneliness is what i feel, i didn't know that till she told me, She is my friend, She has pretty hair i stroke with tubes in my face, and pretty eyes thar have a simlie face, As i write this, Rose, tells me i have a spelling mistakes but, i can ryhme, i shake my finger, i can not stop, Rose, stops the shake and simles, I ask her to show poeple this, She nods and says okay, And i say good bye, But rose tells me I'll meet her again, I say noway! She nods and simles, and huggs me good byes, so do i, and as i finish she gives me a simley face. > >> >>> True story again....i did some spelling its in front of me, that girl was so amazing, I've known her since she was in second grade....unfortunately she died two days ago, So i decided to write her story...i'm sorry if this against the rules...is it tho'? i can't give u the name to a bunch of strangeries but you can stop the fight against cancer. for her and for everyone.
