Bully Counselling

but if you dont' stand up to them, they'll never stop.

 

Well, it's gotten easier for me to talk about my problems.

When I was in public school, everyone bullied me because I looked better than everyone else and had more talents. People called me ugly, stupid, weird, and so on. I had no friends at all, and the one friend I had moved away to Corona in the fourth grade. By fifth grade I was under complete turmoil. I rebelled against people by being 'gothic' and wearing black. I cut my hair in a bob and wore black liner everyday to school. I thought this would make people stop from being mean to be me but it only made it worse. The teacher than became jealous of me (lol, can you believe it?) and I at one time also destroyed the classroom out of my frustration. My dog got attacked, but he lived, thank goodness, and then I got terrible food-poisoning, lost 10 pounds and was anorexic for a while. Then, I left the school because I couldn't take it anymore. After that I attended a Christian private school. The kids weren't any much better, but I became Christian and found that I really didn't need friends to be happy. After I completed fifth grade, I was home-schooled on through sixth and seventh. Actually, being home-schooled was my decision, my grandmother's, and my mother's. I am quite happy now being home-schooled, because I don't have people bothering me everyday. I really don't call it bullying, I just call it ignorant people with no life and no friends who is intimidated by everyone and needs to act 'tough' because they have no presence in school or around other people.

 

Hmmm, seems like you've been through a lot of trouble. You should'nt deal with your troubles by changing the way you are. If people don't like who you are then just ignore them. As long as they don't start hurting you physically you should be alright. However, if anything physical does start happening just stand up for yourself. You can't always let people push you around. Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire. I hope that helps you out. ^.^

 

at my school there was once a girl who beat up some other girl becuz they happened to be wearing the same shirt that day. they dont' even know each other. but the girl who got beat up told on her a$$ and then the other girl got expelled :) and was never seen again.....bottom line, snitching can solve more problems than you think :)

 

Aha, you have a good point there.

 

thats true, but at times it only makes it worse

quite funny i saw this thread cause i had a fata$$ kid talking to me 4 days ago and he hated me cause i'm white? ( racist bi*ch =P ) anyways i tried to ignore him and let him talk his crap but for some reason he ALWAYS had to be around me when he was saying crap. so i told him to shut his a$$ up before i do something about it. he laughed in my face and i beat the sh*t out of him ( he deserved it ) and now i'm suspened from school

sorry for the cursing, everytime i think about it, it makes me mad =P

 

VIolence is not your best answer for anything, Like I said, you shoud make the bully fear you, not the other way around, show them how you are scarier then them, by power or more confident, but beating them up only makes them get what they want, espicially if they follow you around and do it.
Just make the bully fear the bullie, its the most effective way for me.

 

i'm sure he does now =P

 

LMAO, i almost choked becuz of you! i was drinking water!

 

But do you want to be the bully?
Fear is more powerful than any fist, you control the mind, you'll never be bothered ever.

 

PAW is right, if you find out what the bully fears then you can use that to stop the bully.

 

i'm sure khkid was half joking guys when he says "i'm sure he does now", lol

 

Ok here's mine (at least)
While i was in the 2nd grade i got bullied everytime they got the chance, i cried alot and sometimes when they comfort me, they only wanted to use me then in the 4th grade i got beaten 1 too many times i went crazy beating up that bully that was one of the 1st time i had the courage but the teacher called my parents and i got grounded, then in the 6th grade it got worse i got punched in the eye, my friends using me just to give them money (though i didn't give them any) getting bullied everyday, even the teacher ticks me off i didn't want to be hurt so i tried to suicide (though i just choked myself but i couldn't do it) i still got bullied so i just tried to go on with my life not having anyfriends now in the 7th grade or 1st year or whatever
(kind off like a change since i live in philippines) I was befriended but still used so i try not to talk to anyone, When one of them spit at me when i wasn't looking, i went mad and tried to beat him up (and got punished for doing it) now i only have a few friends (about 2-4 friends) though some are friends, they just use me for the money and the things i have... I hate school...

 

It's not what people think about you, it's what you think about yourself. I've learned this through many experiences. And just some useful information, tattle tailing does work, believe me. Also why don't you tell your parents about this? Violence isn't always the right answer. You just need to learn to accept who you are and find the real friends in your life.

 

Man that's sad. I have heaps of friends, and i am happy.

If theres nothing wrong with your personality, why do people hate you?
Try to make more friends. Myspace works. Trust me. Ive seen people get heaps of friends off Myspace.
Be yourself, and people will respect you. Dont conform just so you can get some friends. Its a waste of time. If you have your own opinions and interests, i might not like you very much, but i will value and respect you. That is how i work.

Now i know your getting bullied, and your self-confidence is low. I know what it feels like to be in the 7th grade. Im in the 8th. Your now old enough to stand up, and stare fear in the eyes. If someone bullies you, tell them to back off. Be Assertive. If it comes to the point where you cant take it anymore, be aggresive(the next step up from assertive).

If you still lack self-confidence, then you have to do whatever it takes, but dont be Emo:):rockdover:

 

I agree with Xigbar and TabbyRoxas. I was bullied all through school till 7th grade and though I did get in some skirmishes, it wasn't that which prevented it later truly. It was the fact I learned that you should always be yourself and do things you enjoy. I had found others who also enjoyed things I did and were too afraid to say so because it wasn't -cool-. Who determines what is cool or not? You and others do. You are part of that whole scenario and if you don't like doing something or dressing a certain way etc, (unless you have uniforms) don't do it. Be yourself and stand up for yourself and in time you will get some true friends instead of the faux relationships that sometimes tend to revolve around school. Being real makes real things happen. Also, part of your problem may be you are too eager to fit in and some see you as an outsider and get annoyed. Try less hard, but be amiable and don't shy away if you can help it. I wish you luck and hope you keep us updated on any progress, good or bad.

 

I've already posted this on the Help With Life Thread, but it can go here too.

Verbal defense is like martial arts; you must know what move to use, and you must use it at the right time, or you'll be open to the attacker.

There are three different reactions to verbal attacks. Here's an example of each of them being used:

Attacker - "Everyone knows you have a 'problem'. You're just gay (usually meaning "stupid" these days) and we feel sorry for you."

The "Blamer" response - Making fists and making angry body movements while saying, "Shut up! You're the gay one!"

The "Leveler" response - Gestures may vary. Saying, "I might be. But so what? There are other people who you can call gay."

The "Computer" response - No gestures at all and keeping a straight face, "How kind of everyone to be concerned. I'm touched" Then sit back (if you're on a chair, of-course) and look at the attacker in the eyes, looking interested.

Which one of those sounds more clever to you? Computer mode is the best way to avoid bullies and other verbal attackers and it's the best way to avoid physical attacks. When someone starts verbally attacking you and you go into blamer mode and start getting all angry and blaming other people, the conversation will get worse. The attacker is normally someone who wants attention (even though they won't admit it), and responding in blamer mode gives them what they want - attention. A conversation that won't get anywhere is two arguing blamers. Leveler mode is slightly safer and can get you out of things quickly, usually. And it'll either be the safest, or the most dangerous way out of arguments depending on the argument itself. Now computer mode is the key out of things. You know that computers don't have feelings and never use "I". They also can't use gestures. When you respond in computer mode, never try to use "I" or involve yourself in your come-backs unless you're saying something like "Actually, I would imagine the situation to be more...". In computer mode, the attacker will not get your attention and think in his/her mind that you're not the type of person that will work for him/her and he/she will most likely walk off dissapointed.

When someone starts to attack you verbally, go straight into computer mode and maintain it until the attacker gives up. You must never change your gesture and keep completely calm and relaxed (like a Nobody) throughout the whole conversation. After responding in computer mode, sit back and wait. Usually, the attacker trying to fight back with insults then would make him or her look foolish. Never show weakness.

Here are the steps:

1.) Identify the attacker and know his or her style of attacking
2.) Identify the subject of the attack being used
3.) Go into computer mode
4.) Maintain computer mode

Here are 10 examples (from easiest to counter, to hardest to counter)

1.) "You're not the only person with power you know!"

Computer - "You're absolutely right."

2.) "If you really like me, you would've gotten me a calculator for the test."

Blamer - "You don't love me."

Computer - "Why?" or "When did you get the impression (try to avoid using the word "ever") that I didn't care about your progress?" or "You should study the basics before getting into the big stuff. Let's get started..."

If you say the third line, the person would probably then say, "Oh, never mind!" then walk off.

3.) "Even girls should be able to change tires, you know!"

Blamer - "You are a girl."

Computer - "The idea that men are more compatible than women is a fascinating one."

4.) "You're having affairs behind my back, aren't you?!"

Computer - "You know, it's amazing that so many girls these days are having feelings that their boyfriends are having affairs behind their backs."

The person would then get surprised and probably be ashamed and will try to change the subject.

5.) "You should care about us! We're much tougher than you and we deserve your respect! Everyone knows that!"

Blamer - "You don't care about me."

Computer - "It's not every day that I meet a person knowledgable to know that fact." or "That would include me, then. I know that."

6.) "You should care about other people. You're an awful person not to."

Blamer - "You don't care about other people."

Computer - "Which anti-poverty center would you be talking about? The Southeast Welfare Community, or Nurturecare?"

7.) "You have no friends and you're weird and you suck everyone knows that."

Blamer - "Don't you care about my feelings?! I should have much more than you 'cause I'm a better person inside!"

Computer - "I'd like to thank everyone who was concerned. I'm touched" or "It's very gratifying to hear that" or "What a list! It's nice to have a great messenger-boy who has a great memory and would give up his time as a popular person to tell me these understanding facts! Like to buy a comma?"

8.) "Man, you are so bad at that performance."

Blamer - "I bet you couldnt've done better." or "Let's see you do better."

Computer - "It's 'you were so bad at that performance' please learn to get you're words right."

9.) "Your problems are, of-course, apparant. You've gotta get a life and stop being such a loser."

Computer - "I understand you're concerns completely and you've got a great life ahead of you if you continue to be so understanding to others"

"I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say to you."

Computer - "That is, of-course, possible."

10.) "You ate without me?! How could you?! You know how angry I am now?!

Computer - "I wouldnt've eaten with you if I knew you were angry."

And there you have it. This is my greatest advice to you if you ever get verbally attacked !

 

Ha Ha! I am bullied all the time at college and I never freak out....
I guess this is for sensitive people! :sideways:

 

Hmm, weird. I've never been bullied at college. Then again, after 6th grade that stopped after some interesting events. Also, at college, I live off campus so don't really deal with people other than friends from there, since I didn't want to bother with staying at the dorms after a point.

 

It all started in 5th grade. I was a new student at the start of the year. So I went to sit near some girls that I obviously didn't know. I gave them some pencil grips and erasers and stuff like that because my mom bought too many. Then later in the year they started teasing me, calling me names like "freak" and "alien", and I just put up with it. Luckily one of my friend's parents was a teacher, so she told her and they straightened it out. (Plus my class and I got to miss out on most of Science class!) Oddly enough when the two girls who were picking on me confessed they started crying like they were the ones getting picked on! Maybe that's one of the reasons why I'm so quiet in school these days. Plus in 6th grade my Science teacher HATED me, it didn't help that she was my Social Studies teacher too. One day I was absent so I went to her for the assingments that I missed, I had to draw a map or something, but SHE NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT I NEEDED SOME PAPER THAT SHE PASSED OUT THE PREVIOUS DAY! So when it comes time to turn in the assingment she wouldn't accept it! It made me cry in the middle of class! This year in 7th grade I'm in a different school, and everythings all right so far.