**Boy Problems**

Discussion in 'Help with Life' started by Kannira the wolf, Oct 23, 2009.

  1. Ars Nova Just a ghost.

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    I suppose so. I just think there's not much harm in giving it a try, and I think a lot more harm can be done by stifling that chance for love to grow between them. I've often had the "opportunity" to wonder what could have been, so perhaps I'm biased on the matter.

    Yeah, I guess I did miss that. And I think I also misunderstood Kannira's meaning. Maybe I jumped the gun a bit... This kind of thing just shows up as a red flag for me. I mean, maybe if we knew more about how the guy felt, I could make a better call. In my case, I'd like the girl to give me that chance, even if she really had no interest. Because I feel like I could do more to charm a girl once she let me into her world a little bit.
     
  2. Doukuro Chaser

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    This^

    He does sound like a good guy, but it won't be worth it. Sure you two can remain friends, that can be good, if you don't lead him on and etc, but I don't see the potential relationship if you don't like him that way. Still young, no need to trap yourself in that and end up crying when it doesn't work out and feeling awful when he is sad for the break up. I've seen it happen to friends way too many times.
     
  3. Tootsie coquí

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    Oh I didn't know trying to be friendly to a guy was trying to get his hopes up. God, this guy hasn't even asked her out yet, she just thinks he might be or is building up his courage to do so. Let me tell you, the whole "light up" thing could work, it has worked before. I am just trying to let her know that maybe she is just jumping to conclusions too fast and that she could at least give him a little chance.

    I will have to agree with you on the whole weighing your words thing, but to be honest, there's this thing being flirty and being nice, guys ( as much as girls do as well) quickly jump to the conclusion that this person is flirting with them and is madly in love with them, when they're actually being nice. Also, you don't even know me damn well to draw to the conclusion that if I have not been in the same situation, because let me tell you, I have been in one of these situations. If I weren't then I wouldn't even have posted in this thread. So yeah, be careful what you type first okay sweetie?
     
  4. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    For the record, she asked us what she should say when he does ask her out. In a high school environment that's about the same as saying "I have a crush on you". In which case you should tell him where you stand.

    I never said being friendly is getting a guy's hopes up. I said giving him a chance is getting a guy's hopes up. You can be friendly without keeping the possibility of a real relationship open.
    And there's no reason to keep that possibility open since there are no feelings from Kannira's side.
    I'll try to explain this in the simplest manner possible.

    First I'll explain what could happen if you're honest about not being interested at the time.
    1. You don't fall in love with him and he doesn't fall in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: Good chance of becoming friends, but nothing more.
    2. You don't fall in love with him but he falls in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: Short pain. You didn't get his hopes up, he'll need some time to move on but not that much since you snuffed the flame early on. Also, this is in my eyes the most likely scenario.
    3. You fall in love with him while he doesn't or has moved on.
    Styx' verdict: Painful situation but fortunately not that common.
    4. You fall in love with him anyway but he's still interested.
    Styx' verdict: Jackpot.

    This is what you'd get if you "leave the door ajar" and give an ambiguous answer to the guy in question.
    1. You don't fall in love with him and he doesn't fall in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: Depending on the ambiguity of your answer, he may find it weird and awkward that you gave such an answer. Not that good.
    2. You don't fall in love with him but he falls in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: You kept him hangin' and after a while he gets to read a very sour memo. Oops, broken heart.
    3. You fall in love with him but he doesn't fall in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: Unlikely scenario but a bad one anyway. In the end you may be the one left with a broken heart. The chances to become friends have become slim to boot. Oopsie-daisy.
    4. You fall in love with him and he falls in love with you.
    Styx' verdict: Jackpot.

    I hope I finally made my point now.

    This of course is only applicable if there are any hopes to be gotten up.
    You shouldn't reject him when the situation hasn't arisen yet, but I hope people here have enough common sense to have deduced that already.
    In case any of you did misunderstand: I said nothing about being unfriendly to him while he hasn't made his move yet. Hopefully nobody was stupid enough to have drawn such a conclusion.


    Exactly. So you do know that being friendly means getting a guy's hopes up (in many situations anyway). Well then why did you say you didn't?

    Well then next time show it by demonstrating some more wisdom of experience.
     
  5. pyroKyle Banned

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    same here. A relationship can't work if you two don't put in the same effort and if you like him as a friend then it will be unequal effort so it will basically go down the drain. Stay friends for now and maybe you will be able to base a relationship off more things
     
  6. Tootsie coquí

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    I did but I guess you were just too much of a jerk to realize it. I won't try to explain myself anymore because this will keep on going and going. I respect some of your points yes but I will stick to my story. I could say that what you and I are talking about could both work, only that your opinion will work much better instead of mine. My plan could be a shot of luck but it does not mean it could not work. It's just a matter of luck.


    Hope you know what I mean.
     
  7. Styx That's me inside your head.

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    Yeah, I know what you mean. And I apologize for the sneer when I questioned what you have or haven't been through. Shouldn't have said that.