(!!!WARNING!!! BIG THREAD!!!) ☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides. ☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck! ☻Sorry, I don't date outside my species. ☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW! ☻First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering. ☻Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. ☻Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise! ☻Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my **** and do it quick. ☻Bad sex is better then a good day in school. ☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!! ☻Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE… ☻Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams...... ☻My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too... ☻Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice? ☻I took an IQ test and the results were negative. ☻Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an *******… ☻If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi… ☻Don`t drink water, because fish **** in it! ☻Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry.............. ☻Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!! ☻It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl. ☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message ☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested ☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do." ☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this ☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime? ☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. ☻Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. ☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream! ☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. ☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p. ☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? ☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! ☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs. ☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears... ☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant. ☻What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? ☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him. ☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. ☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore. ☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish. ☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. ☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" ☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! ☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. ☻Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? ☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion. ☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. ☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! ☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already! ☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors ☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up. ☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!! ☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. ☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half. ☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one. ☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. ☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used. ☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle. ☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field. ☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands. ☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran! ☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! ☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A ***** who knows everything. ☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. ☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens. ☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator. ☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An f****ing know it all. ☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. ☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf. ☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese. ☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool... ☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. ☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts. ☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? ☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you. ☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. ☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. ☻ My Reality Check bounced. ☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open. ☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer. ☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away! ☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes. ☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny? ☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full. ☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back ☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing ☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check. ☻What do you call a handcuffed man? - Trustworthy. ☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant ☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? ☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. ☻Why don't men often show their true feelings? - Because they don't have any. 1 ☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.? - E.T. phoned home. ☻What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women. ☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. ☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering ☻How Dogs and Women are alike..... Neither believe that silence is golden. Neither can balance a checkbook. Both put too much value on kissing. ☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. ☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight? ☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores? "101 Ways to Wok Your Dog" ☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one? ☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives. ☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain. ☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of. ☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned. ☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one! ☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here" ☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?" ☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" ☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra ☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." ☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication. ☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. ☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. ☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message ☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested ☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do." ☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this ☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime? ☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog. ☻Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy. ☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream! ☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction. ☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p. ☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac? ☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!! ☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs. ☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears... ☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant. ☻What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing? ☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive? Popeye beat the crap outta him. ☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead. ☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." ☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore. ☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle? If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish. ☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards. ☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?" ☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side! ☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action. ☻Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what? ☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind! ☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion. ☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV. ☻What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities! ☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh! ☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already! ☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One ****ed the miners, the other ****ed the Majors ☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? A: Her IQ goes up. ☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!! ☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high. ☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half. ☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German? A man who's too drunk to follow orders. ☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one. ☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut. ☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once. ☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle. ☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field. ☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands. ☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran! ☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A ***** who knows everything. ☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head. ☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens. ☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator. ☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An ****ing know it all. ☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here". ☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. ☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf. ☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese. ☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool... ☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face? A: Bobbing for french fries. ☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia? A: One has a real live culture. ☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag? A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Fanny. Fanny who? Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's There? A midget who cant reach the doorbell. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in! ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry, Butch, and Jimmy. Harry, Butch and Jimmy who? Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive across the road. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mummy. Mummy who? Mummeasles are better so can I come in? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Boo. Boo who? There's no need to cry, it's only a joke. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Madam. Madam who? Madam key broke in the lock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I called by? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mister. Mister who? Mister last bus home. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Ivor. Ivor who? Ivor sore hand from knocking so much. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? York. York who? York coming over to my place tonight? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Isabel. Isabel who? Isabel broken? I had to knock. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's cold out here. ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Grandma. Knock! Knock! Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aunt you glad Grandma's gone? ☻Knock! Knock! Who's there? Doris. Doris who? Doris locked - that's why I knocked. ☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx ☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!! ☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo! ☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!! ☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard! ☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network ☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day! ☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. ☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic ☻I'm good at math, U+I=69 ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK ☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's. ☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you... ☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy. ☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? ☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you. ☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed? ☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me. ☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square? ☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw. ☻Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven! ☻Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? ☻Baicarumba...are those real? ☻Be unique and different, just say yes. ☻Can I flirt with you? ☻Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track. ☻Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin. ☻Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position. ☻Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open? ☻Greetings and salivations ☻Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house. ☻I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away! ☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night? ☻I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list. ☻If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice? ☻Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before? ☻That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. ☻Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good. ☻Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated. ☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that cake you just ate. ☻I wonder what our children will look like. ☻I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won't kiss off? ☻If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents. ☻If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town. ☻If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning". ☻It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me? ☻Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy? ☻That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it? ☻The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name. ☻There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass. ☻There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself. ☻Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body? ☻You're so hot, your ass is on fire. ☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? ☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. ☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled... ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight. ☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second. ☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name. ☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. ☻What time do you have to be back in heaven? ☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? ☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. ☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20. ☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. ☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise! ☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast. ☻Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you. ☻Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes. ☻Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime? ☻Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day. ☻Got two nipples for a dime? ☻Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you. ☻Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on! ☻Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back? ☻I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman. ☻I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you. ☻Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you! ☻You're eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea. ☻You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life! ☻You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear. ☻Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged! ☻Do you want to see something swell? ☻Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package. ☻Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC! ☻Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest? ☻Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room across the street. ☻Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus. ☻I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn". ☻If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head? ☻If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie. ☻Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell. ☻Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts. ☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the word. ☻You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room! ☻Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny! ☻Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on? ☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? ☻I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down. ☻I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking? ☻I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you. ☻I'm betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more and more beautiful every day. ☻Save a horse, ride a cowboy. ☻Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good. ☻When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you. ☻Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up? ☻You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I'll do it your way ☻You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case. ☻You know the Power company is looking for you coz you're so electrifying. ☻You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet. ☻You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can't stop ya ☻As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn! ☻I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me? ☻Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you. ☻Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? ☻Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some more? ☻Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance? ☻Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number? ☻Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch? ☻Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk. ☻Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room? ☻I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince ☻Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. ☻Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend? ☻For a fat chick, you sure have small tits. ☻Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much. ☻Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink. ☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no. ☻Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right. ☻Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets talk" ☻Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor ☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart." ☻I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated. ☻I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me? ☻I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are! ☻If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?" ☻The only thing that matters is that we're together. ☻I'msorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. . ☻Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off? ☻Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants. ☻I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot. ☻Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here. ☻Say, did we go to different schools together? ☻The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word. ☻There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you. ☻Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving." ☻You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'm cute. ☻You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection. ☻Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes? ☻Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers? ☻You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow. ☻Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? ☻Do you know what'd look good on you? Me. ☻I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic ☻I'm good at maths, U+I=69 ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. ☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK ☻Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's. ☻Please help the homeless. Take me home with you... ☻Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it sure ain't floppy. ☻What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that? ☻Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you. ☻Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed? ☻You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me. ☻You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square? ☻Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever saw. ☻Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? ☻I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. ☻Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled... ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight. ☻If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second. ☻There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name. ☻Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. ☻What time do you have to be back in heaven? ☻Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? ☻You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts. ☻You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can breastfeed by you until I'm 20. ☻You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. ☻You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise! ☻You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast ☻Be unique and different, say yes. ☻Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? ☻Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far? ☻Hi. Are you cute? ☻I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little. ☻I'm easy. Are you? ☻I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight. ☻I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I'm allergic to sex. ☻Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart. ☻So....How am I doin'? ☻Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one? ☻I think about you when I masturbate. ☻Are we related? Do you want to be? ☻Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask. ☻Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. ☻Do you know how to use a whip? ☻Excuse me, do you live around here often? ☻Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face. ☻Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose? ☻Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley? ☻Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no. ☻Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart." ☻I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'... ☻I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate. ☻I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there. ☻I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler? ☻If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater. ☻Like the look of your crotch. ☻Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you? ☻Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have *** in your hair. ☻Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree. ☻Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met. ☻Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to catch and mount back at my place. ☻Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back. ☻How was Heaven when you left it? ☻You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine. ☻Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of 'edible'. ☻I think I can die happy now, coz I've just seen a piece of heaven. ☻You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good. ☻You should be someone's wife. ☻Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine. ☻You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up line. ☻Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too. ☻Is your name Gillette? ...coz you're the best a man can get. ☻If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever. ☻It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.
