Betrayed For The 1st Time...

It's pretty much what the title says... a few days ago a girl (i'll just call her L) who I thought was one of my best friends spread a rumor that I made out w/ my close friend (gonna call him J) whose the boyfriend (well... was now) of another best friend of mine (gonna call her A), and it really got out of hand.

None of it is true and it was just so out of the blue.

I never thought L would ever do this to me. People at school are looking down at me and I have to say i'm not liking it at all. I really thought me and her were friends... And the prettiest thing of all is that she's acting like the victim -_-" Crying, cursing me and J out and just over reacting and saying she's doing it to protect A.

She twists me and J's words to get people on her side.

It's like L isn't even herself anymore. She's still spreading rumors and it's my 1st time being in a situation like this, and i'm not handling it all too well...

I've never done anything bad to her and im having a hard time understanding why she's doing it.

any advice on how to deal with this?

 

My first thought is that L is a very bad person. Second thought, something is going on in her life in which she feels she has to make someone else feel bad in order to make herself feel better. Try talking to her and investigating to try and find out if there is a problem or something that has happened in her life recently. I know you may be the victim here but you could be a chain victim. If it turns out nothing is wrong L is just doing it because she can I would report it and break all ties with her. I would not want to be friends with someone like that. Also how long have you been friends with her? There are twisted people out there who just want to use you to get attention from others. I despise those people.

At any rate the best thing you can do is not do anything rash that would further incriminate yourself. If you try to instigate something people will look down on you even more. Have you talked to J to see why this might be happening? Have you talked with A to see if maybe there is a reason L would want to hurt her? Hope any of this helped you out and I know it may seem like this situation is not inescapable but things like this pass over with time.

 

We don't have any classes together and she said she never wants to speak to me or J again, and frankly I feel the same way.

I thought that at 1st, that maybe there was something going on in her life. We've been friends for 3 years. And yeah, me J and A have spoken about it, A says she doesn't care and J is also pretty beaten up by it.

I think it started b/c she wanted to get revenge on something that happened 2 summers ago. Her best friend and I were friends, she liked a guy but he ended up liking me and she got mad. I think L got mad too b/c she thought i did something to make him like me, at least that's what she mentioned to J. I think it's so immature of L. Her bff and I are cool now I don't know why L isn't when it had nothing to do w/ her.

 

1st: she's lost a good friend and girl/boyfriend

2nd: if it happened 2 summers ago there's no point getting revenge for something so long ago but I've never fallen in love so I'm not the best source of advice on that.

3rd: Just ignore him/her and make new friends. Ain't no point letting it affect you.

 

Ask her how she found this out. If she saw you, where she saw you, or who told her. Because without evidence, the rumor is invalid by default. Otherwise you could spread the same same rumor about her a J and everyone would react the same way with no evidence to it at all.

"But it's true in your case!" Right, based on what? Have fun explaining that one...

 

It would be nice if school life worked the same as the court system but it doesn't. Everyone goes by hearsay and whether there is proof or not doesn't matter (to most) The best thing I could say to do is make sure your cool with A and J, as for L that ship sunk. The only thing now is to just let it go, if people are still shallow enough to believe a stupid rumor then let them be stupid. For me, as long as it didn't affect my friendship with A or J then I could care less.

 

Personally, I'd confront each person in private, and attempt to get their point of view. In this way, I'd try to gain a full understanding of the situation and the motivations of all involved. Knowing that, I'd then try to reach a conclusion best for the majority, or, at the very least, best for me.

So I'd probably go to J first, and try to find an ally in him. After all, he's in the same boat as you, only he's lost a girlfriend over this. There's the possibility that he might know more than you, so you two can consolidate knowledge. Once you have a grasp on what's going on, you two can go to see L, and confront her over what she's doing. Try to figure out why she's taking the actions she is. Personally, I'd be tempted to secretly record these conversations, just in case she lets something slip. You could use an iPod Touch app or something similar. If you go down that route, I'd be tempted to confront her on my own. She could be more likely to say something compromising.

Once I'd talked to those two, I'd talk to A with J, and explain what I know of the situation to her. If I obtained any compromising recordings, now would be the time to use them. Either way, I'd ultimately make the challenge of whether she'd choose to believe me and her boyfriend, or A, and question whether she'd betray us like this. Also point out that if L were truly acting in her best interests, she wouldn't be spreading it around, causing all this drama. If L cared about A, L would talk to A in private, and point everything out. L's making a big mess of the situation on purpose.

 

Pretty recently I had a similar experience, only it began differently. I won't go into the details, but it cost me both my best friend of the time and my girlfriend, neither of which my fault, but both of which think it is.

All I can offer is this; if you feel now that you don't want to talk to L, then don't. Just don't try to communicate at all, no matter what you say it'll likely be turned against you. If you want to talk to J about what's happened, go for it, but again be careful what you say, and don't ask him to get involved in anything for you. In regards to the rumours, ignore them as best you can, talk to your other friends, and just get on with life as normal. If somebody directly confronts you about the rumour you can tell them it didn't happen, but don't make a fuss about it. Eventually people will realise that either you didn't do it at all, or that they don't care either way.

Things like this happening can be emotionally stressful, I know, but don't hold it inside if you begin to feel upset. Talk to somebody you trust, whether that's a parent, sibling, close friend, or whatever else, and just let everything you want to say come out. It may feel embarressing to let somebody see you that way, but it does end up helping.

Good luck with everything, and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

I would just ignore all comments people make.
You know you didn't do that, and that's what matters.

If it's bad enough, I would also bring it up with the principal of the school.

 

Not necessary. I fail to see how that will help...

Anyhow, the way I usually handle assfaces like that is just to freeze them out. Fuck it.
I like to think; "Chivalry is dead because women are bitches" - If someone acts like an ass, they don't deserve friends, respect, nor happiness (imo) so just disregard that person, L is less of a person than you.

 

Well, if the rumor is still going around, then the principal can put a stop to it.

While, yes, the OP can simply ignore it, it's not right that the rumor be kept alive.

 

It does not matter. People care about proof you make it look important to them, like with anything else. It is not too much trouble to win an argument based on evidence.

Not that I would mind, though. If the people around me are the kind of people that can be torn apart by this, then they are not worth worrying over.

I believe it is more a question of whether or not he will do it, or why he would do it, than whether or not he could stop it if he tried.

 

A principal can not put an end to a rumor. Several people have tried to go to the principal, and most of the time the result is the same; pointing and laughing because you couldn't stand up for yourself. From my own experience, I just don't give 2 shits about what lesser people think of me, because it's all just a sign of insecurity and immaturity.

 

L, who is probably trying to get revenge in quite frankly a petty way, did she ever have any problem with A?

I believe that L is spreading the rumours to make you look bad and her look good as she appears to be the 'nice person' who is informing everyone- and since people love gossip they will love her for telling them. However, she may also be trying to make you feel like she felt- if she was jealous of you because the guy she liked liked you instead then she is reflecting that jealousy onto you by making your life suck meaning there is no reason to envy you (if that makes sense).

All I can say is to ignore her, maybe you and J can tell people it's not true so that that will spread.

 

Well my first bit of advice would be to kill her,and then burn the school down.
Probebly not very helpful. Although it would be fun...

But as others have said,I would either go to J for an ally,or just ignore her.
If shes nasty enough to make up rumours,shes not worth your time of the day.
And,I must agree with Noroz on this one(though,lol,his new name is just so typical of him <3) that going to the princapal,though it may sound like a good idea in theroy,never really works out that well.
But really,although I would love it if you took my first bit of advice....
I think you should just ignore her.
Because really,she is not worth your time.
Good luck my dear <3

 

She said she heard it from someone else though she won't say who which makes me wonder if she's just saying it to not admit it was her who started it. >>

L won't talk to me at all. =/ and J and I have spoken about it. A doesn't want to talk about it though, not that I can blame her.

I was thinking that too. And no, out of our group A is the only one who remains friends w/ her. She starting to spread rumors about everyone else in my circle of friends. But that's the thing though, she has no right to get revenge on me. L wasn't the one that liked the guy, it was her bff who was my bff as well at the time but after that we're just regular friends now. If anyone it should be the bff to get revenge on me not L, she had nothing to do with that.

Me and the girl are cool now, I don't understand why L is trying to make me look bad now after all this time. L was even the one who helped repair my friendship with the other girl, and now she's doing this and she's still spreading the rumor. DX

 

I would demand proof, and point that anonymous tips are rarely if ever valid basis for any kind of fact. Someone could have the same thing about her, again, and she would the same kind of evidence against her: nothing.

 

I just don't know how to believe her or if I even should for that matter.

 

That is not important so much as discrediting her argument is.

 

Well, we do have a witness. The rumor is that J and I make out during gym class when we go outside, but a friend of his is always with us when we go out to the park for gym and he knows we've never done anything like that. Would that help?