Jumpy I took a lengthy walk outside, listening to music. An effort to calm myself but by the end my stomach felt knotted, brushed past some teens my age and couldn't think, how to greet them what was appropriate; eyes darting to and fro. It is almost comical how flustered I became, people walk past me and thoughts turn sick-- a nervous wreck is me. Music progressively became louder, I may have picked a bad choice. I saw the kids twice on my walk around the cul-de-sac, I was doing fine and then they were there. Good grief, leave me be! They were not even so close, but close enough... In sight. Across the street from me. And all I could think of was how they must be staring at me, squeaky laughs, mocking me, the devils. A cul-de-sac, I mentioned. Surrounded my suburban houses, never before have I felt so terribly claustrophobic... Even when the kids were out of my line of vision, I couldn't stop thinking of the windows, people peering. God damn! NO PRIVACY. But I digress. Irrelevant, irrelevant all of this. I fear, I could have teared if I stayed outside for any longer. Not quite a panic attack, but definitely had the potential to quickly escalate into such. The only remaining trace of the episode is a slightly tense throat, tight... The walk was intensely tense, I sped through it, my pace quickened... The point, the point... How do you calm yourself? Techniques? Things you do, you know, that put you at ease. I might not be in need of it now, but who knows, this information might be to my advantage if ever this episode repeats itself. For me, I cannot think of anything but... Barrowing into warm sheets, covers. Hiding underneath. Small, warm places, crevices; remarkably different from my night's walk, in which claustrophobia overwhelmed... That is different, I was constrained by not my surroundings but by people's gaze. Different, different. And sweet sweets, eating sweets unhealthy as that is. Really I do not like my writing style. Off-topic...
I know if I am very upset, I usually either sleep it off, take a shower, or meditate. It does take quite a lot though to stress me to that point, but we all have those moments when we feel everything is simply out of our control. And don't worry so on your writing style. It makes you who you are, and that is a good thing indeed.
Sometimes, I pretend I'm someone else. Someone who's braver than I am, smarter than I am, has a more level head than I do.
Could you pretend for us? A demonstration. Or... Is the actor's character kept to himself? Reserved for his eyes only.
Well, playing solitaire tends to calm me down. But if I get really freaked out or scared or something, it helps me to think about people I care about. Somehow knowing I matter to people makes things less frightening? I dunno.
I am not truly able to help with this... But, when I am upset, I find something to take in. Good music, an engaging film, a favorite book. Or I talk to a calming person. Who do you know that calms you down? If you can, talk to them. It could help if nothing else will... Or vice versa.
