Asexuality

Since I find your lack of knowledge on the subject deplorable.

As you may or may not know, I myself identify as asexual. I do not have sexual attraction to males or females. There is nothing wrong with me. I want to say that now since most everytime I tell someone I'm asexual there is always a reason for it or they want to cure me. And you might not know it but saying things like 'But you're a human being, you can't be asexual' actually hurts since you're denying the very thing I am.

I find this site to be very informative.

I want to say that asexuality is not the same as celibacy. Celibacy is a choice people make regarding their sexual nature. Asexuality is very much ingrained into who a person is. Priests take vow of celibacy to be devoted to their faith. People with asexuality have no such choice. I cannot simply decide one day that I'm attracted to girls or I'm attracted to guys. It does not work that way.

By making this thread, I am hoping to educate and provide some awareness of a sexuality that is often overlooked simply because there is no sex involved in it. We're rather dull because we want more of a meaningful romantic relationship. To me and other asexuals, what is important to us is not sex, what is important to us in a relationship is personality and who a person is. When a person touches me, I am not expecting anything aside from contact and the knowledge that I am loved for who I am and not for my body.

For those of you that have read this far, thank you. I appreciate your open minds. Please keep the discussion positive. I ask that much of you.

 

I understand the sexuality part and lack of attraction. I've seen it before and it's a sexuality, though different, still a sexuality (or more accurately, the lack of it).

Also, I wonder if it's something that might change over time, due to the biological part of reproduction. Not the sexual attraction towards either objects, or either sex, but rather the feeling of need to reproduce. Or do you think asexuality brings along a feeling of not needing/wanting to reproduce?

 

My sister identifies as asexual, or at least she has suggested it, though she's still young & figuring things out so that may change. Not to say I'm expecting it to, or waiting for it to, but just saying. I'm a pretty "do what you want as long as it's not hurting anyone" type of person when it comes to sexuality, so not hating or anything.

I do find asexuality to be pretty interesting, simply because a lot of people don't even know what it is. Many that have heard of it really don't know the details, myself included.

I have a question, if anyone who is informed or asexual themselves can answer it: the impression I got from the linked page was that some people who identify as asexual still have romantic relationships, even sexual ones (though if that's wrong feel free to correct me!). How then is asexuality different from something like pansexuality or bisexuality, which tend to have little bearing on gender?

 

I cannot speak for everyone but I took it that sexual intercourse/reproduction/physical love is not the sole reason for their relationship. It sounds pretty shallow when put into those words. At least with me, I'd much rather get to know a person without having to bother with things I find trivial like sex. Perhaps the love I seek is more on a platonic level than a physical level.

A lot of asexuals don't find sex all that important and want a relationship based on affection and romantic attention. I know I put sex on a very low rank in things I want in a relationship. I used to think I was just terrified of the prospect. Penetration can be very off putting for a young female just reading of the implications the first time. But now I know I can live my life without it and it's a very freeing thing not having to worry about it like society does.

 

Would it be right to say, then, that the distinction is that asexuals favor romantic over sexual? Emotional over physical? Not to say that they reject either the sexual or the physical, that depends on the individual, but in general.

 

Yes! I was hoping that's what you'd get out of my ramblings.

Every person is unique and there are varying degrees of asexuality. For example, some will still have sex with their partners but it's likely more for the emotional feeling than the physical ones. Or at least that's how I feel about it.

 

Oh, this makes me have to ask; would two asexual people in a relationship refrain from sex due to not wanting it, or would they have sex if they lusted? I mean, just because you're asexual, you still sometimes occasionally lust for sexual pleasure? Because I'm guessing sex is still pleasurable, even though you don't always feel the sexual attraction?

Of course, I'm wondering what it's for you, as the individual doesn't represent the group and vice versa.

 

I think this sounds the closest to where I stand. When I find someone, I want it to mean something not because someone is "Hot."
I want whoever I chose to love me for my personality, not my body.

 

This is extremely shallow because that is a choice. What you want does not factor into asexuality.

Asexual people do not want others' bodies at all. It is not that they value personality more. They may not value personality at all. But they still do not value others' bodies. Asexual is not simply 'less sexual', it is 'not sexual at all'.

 

Very much so then.

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

 

This is true in it's absolute form, but when you are defining the group it includes people that don't fall perfectly in line. But I do agree that the definition seems to have been stretched thin here.

I'm defiantly not asexual and in fact have struggled with pornography for years, but sex is the last thing on my mind when out with a girl.

 

People who are Asexual are not like people who take vows of celibacy. The quality is that they do not seek sex, it does not mean they do not have it. If asexuals have a partner who is not asexual, they may still have sex with them, for the partner's sake and enjoyment.

You have virgins and asexuals. One may want sex but doesn't have it, one doesn't have sex but may still give it. So many individual cases on either as to why those people are the way they are, just part of humanity and it's extreme variations.

And in answer to your question, yes, asexuals may still have sex. Their goal might be to have a child, and engage in sex so that they might have a baby not to enjoy the experience. Also, some asexuals may wish to explore their actual asexual nature by having sex. I mean some may not feel like they are 100% asexual and so sleep with someone to test it out, so even in a n asexual relationship, one may feel the need to have sex in order to discover more about their sexuality.

I was well aware of asexuality for a number of years, and have at times identified with it. I will stress that individuals sexuality at times can be in a constant state of turmoil, so though someone may say they are one thing, they may in time discover that they want something else.
I for one have at one time or another called myself almost every sexuality possible for a human to have, but i've never felt I fit in one perfectly, so I try not to worry about it and seek a partner I can love and live with.

Repliku is working through me today, it seems....

 

I've actually never heard of the term until now. And at first I thought you were referring to being bisexual, but just using a fancier word instead. So I'd like to apologize for that.

So from what I've read you don't know whether you go for guys or girls and you don't want a physical relationship what so ever?

 

Oh human sexuality. Such a complicated topic.

I assume you're talking about asexuality as a whole, right?

It shouldn't be said that asexual people don't want a physical relationship. They enjoy a good hug, some may even like kissing and they're capable of having sex just like any other sexual individuals. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction rather than sex drive or emotional attraction. As such, asexuals are more indifferent to sex rather than actively averse to it. Asexuals in romantic relationships with sexual individuals may even have no problem having sex with their partners even if the act itself may not have the same appeal to them.

As for whom they are romantically attracted to. That varies from person to person. Some may only be romantically attracted to the opposite sex, others may only be attracted to the same sex, and others may be attracted to both. Some are even aromantic — not only can they be indifferent to sex but romance as well.

 

Ohhhh. Okay I see now.

So they can do what they please but just lack attraction.

 

Huh. I honestly did think it was like celibacy until now. Well, I learned something today :L

I can't say I agree with the idea of having sex if you're not into it, as it seems like it could take on the traits of humoring your partner, which is in nearly all cases a bad move. But of course I respect the sexuality itself either way.

 

That's not so different from how most people feel I think, at least as far as their life partners are concerned. Physical attraction may be a factor but long-term relationships are mostly forged by emotional preferences.

And yet you worry about society and how it sees asexuals, hence this thread. Ironic, isn't it?
It almost seems as if you're trying to justify your asexuality, even though you know you shouldn't have to.

 

Right, sorry for the bump, but I recently figured this out and want to write about it somewhere, so I figured it might as well be here. Thanks for posting this, LF.

I've known about the existence of asexuality for as long as I can remember, but the definition of it in my head was pretty narrow up until last month. My whole life, I've always felt/acted more androgynous than just female, and I've never truly -lusted- after anyone, but since I have found certain people (only males) attractive, rare as that is, the possibility of me being asexual didn't occur to me. But upon researching the subject and thinking about how I really feel further, I know beyond a doubt that this is what I am. For now, at least; some people say that it was a phase that passed for them, so I can understand that argument, especially since I'm only 17. But it sure doesn't feel like a mere phase. And hell, aren't my hormones supposed to be going crazy right now?

But, I still get crushes from time to time (one was/is ****ing insane), and if someone I really liked wanted to be with me, I'd still be thrilled. There would just be a lack of lust on my part. Maybe that's why I keep falling for gay guys. However, I am 80% sure that if I really came to love and trust someone, and sex was something that was important to them, I would go for it and maybe even enjoy it out of said feelings for them. I couldn't say for sure at this point, though. Really, unless I'm actively crushing on someone, all that doesn't even concern me anymore; I realize now that if nothing like that ever happened to me, I wouldn't really care. I'm much more interested in plain friendships.

And I know that some of you might be a little shocked to hear all this, as I am one of the most vulgar, perverted people on this site, but it's true. While I am not interested in sex, I find it hilarious to joke about. Ironic, huh?