Another Poem I wrote

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Rainbow~Monkey, Mar 30, 2009.

  1. Rainbow~Monkey Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    44
    342
    Please tell me what you think of my poem.


    The day is fading to night
    the leaves are dancing
    in the trees
    the sky is sprinkled
    with milk white stars
    there she sits
    with her knees to her chest
    she's sitting, just sitting


    the night goes on
    the trees are trembling
    in the undying wind
    the sky is crying cold tears
    on the girl's warm face
    there she is weeping
    her eyes start to flood
    shes, weeping, just weeping


    the night goes on
    the clouds are swelling
    they are crumpled in the sky
    the wolves are singing
    to the moon
    there she is cutting and bleeding
    all of nature is screaming
    she is cutting and bleeding


    the night goes on
    the wolves are shaking
    in a surplus of fear
    the leaves are stampeding
    in the trees
    there she is dying
    her heart slowly stopping
    she is dying, just dying


    the night is ending
    the trees are falling
    to the ground
    all of nature screaming
    death is near
    there she collapsed to the wet grass
    dead is her body blanketed in fear
    shes dead, just dead

    The night has ended.
     
  2. Aura Goddess

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Safest Haven
    193
    Very good. It seemed more like a little story turned into a poem.

    This belongs more in the Poetry and Lyrics section but either way it's a good poem.

    And it seems a tad bit dark towards the end. I don't know. My opinion.
     
  3. Rainbow~Monkey Gummi Ship Junkie

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2008
    44
    342
    It does tell a story. It is called a narative poem.

    Doesn't it belong in Original Work because it is my original work.