i got bored... Chapter 1 Sora was walking with kairi along the beach when they found riku laying on the ground asleep. sora bends down and notices a not in his hand. "Whats this?" sora says to himself as he takes the note and reads it. at the same time the island fills with unknown heartless and nobodies.riku wakes up and gets into battle stance with his keblade. sora does the same. "Your ready sora?" "Take the lead." sora replied "Lets go" Riku charges the first nobodie gets hit and goes flying into the sea. "RIKU!" Kairi screams and her and sora charge into the water. about half way out in the ocean they see riku's head pop up out of the water "LOOK out behind you" riku says pointing behind them as two shark heartless come and attack. sora's draged under water as the two charks continue to attack sora. sora hits one shark on the nose and scares it away. the other doesnt go down so easy. sora alost out of breath gets loose of the sharks grasp and floats to the surface End of chapter one
That was good Sky fox 009. Although it could use some capitals when another sentence is made. It could also use some more description. But not to be bad, I'd say it was good and I'd like to see what else you have for another chapter. :) Keep it up *thumbs up*
Hmmm... it was nice to read, you've got good structure, but I don't think the characters reactions to what was happening was very realistic. I mean, shouldn't Riku be suprised if he wakes up surrounded by enemies? Lol I know this is fiction but i doubt he would have leapt straight into battle. O.O I just realised... what was on the note...?
Chapter 2 The shark heartless comes back but for kairi, but riku came up behind her and killed the heartless. all three of them swim back to the island. when they get there they notice an orginazation 13 member standing at the highest point of destiny island "Didnt we take them out?" sora asks "Yeah." riku replies Riku watches as the orginazation member jumps down "Who are you!?" sora yelled Withought the mesterious person repling he lunges at sora with a scyth that came out of no where Riku ran for sora and nocked him out of the way. riku dodges the attack and rolls out of the way of the next attack. sora gets up and starts attacking the heartless and nobodies that attack. meanwhile Donald and goofy are in the gummie ship heading to destiny isalnd to check up on sora and riku. when they get there they notice that the world is covered in heartless and nobodies "What happened here?!" Donald said in his wierd voice Donald and goofy run over to riku and sora. goofy helps attack the orginazation member and donald helps sora. Sorry it took so long for chapter 2
You need a lot of work in the areas of capitalizing names, working on description, and length is the big gripe i have with this. Also, never start off my saying you were bored. To me, it felt like you were infering that you didn't put any effort into this, and quite honestly it shows.
