There are actually two situations right now. They're both linked closely together. I didn't want to write on here about this at first, but I honestly don't know what to do now. I need help or advice, anything honestly. Okay, so. If you look at my signature, it is obvious I am with someone. If you looked on his profile before or even talked to him on Skype, it's pretty obvious he's from Australia. I'm not from Australia myself, I am from the United States. We are three years apart. He has already told his parents about us, and they're accepting of our relationship, which is VERY good. My parents on the other hand... I haven't told them about it. Why? Well, when you hear them talking about how they read these stories about pedophiles befriending 15-year-old girls on Facebook and luring them out to their house, yeah you don't exactly want to tell them about your online relationship. I know there are pedophiles on the internet, and I know he could have been one, but I know he isn't. How? Skype webcam calls are a beautiful thing, my friends. Both him and I have decided to tell them at an anime convention this April. We are also going to tell them I am planning to move in with him when I am done with high school. I know they will not be pleased to hear that. So, does anyone have any advice or suggestions they can share? It would really be helpful. Also, both positive and negative comments about the whole thing are okay. I know all of this might sound stupid to some people. Thank you for any feedback! It's greatly appreciated!
Hi Autumn! To people wondering; I know the story and it's legit. I know them both. Break it to them when someone's there, that's the first thing. When you're 18, they have no say in what you do, and even though it's easier said than done, that's how it is. But yeah, first thing I'll suggest, is definitely to let someone be there when you break it to them.
I would suggest telling a friend or two about it so that when you inform them of it, you can have some people to back you up. You could also explain the situation to a friend's parent and bring them a long. Having an adult as back-up is always useful.
Hello Petter! Yes, it's not going to be just him and I alone. At first we thought we'd have us two and then another friend there, but now the other person sort of hates us... now we're stuck again. We did have a friend at one point, but like I said above, we're not on good terms with him right now. Though I could always ask my cousin to be there with us, she's the only one in my family that knows about us at the moment. I trust she didn't tell my parents. But she's very... strange. We call her 'creeper', she has a 'thing' for Australians you see. If we can't get anyone else, we'll ask her.
I'd be reluctant to move in with a boyfriend particularly one who lives in a different country, regardless of what your parents think. If something happens and you two have a falling out (don't even try to tell me that's not a possibility), you might be stranded. In addition, if you go off against your parents' wishes, they might not be so forgiving if you do become stranded. Of course, that's my two cents. It just doesn't sound like a good idea to me. Just... make sure you really, and I mean really think this through. You'll need to get a passport if you don't already, find out what you need to live in that country or what he needs to live in yours or however you're going to go about doing that.
It's possible, yeah. Likely? Not in my opinion. Though that's probably a biased opinion. Anyway, yeah, no matter what happens i'd never let someone be homeless if i could help them unless they wanted to cause physical harm to me or my family, so the stranded thing isn't too much of an issue. Anyway, i still think it'd be best to tell them in a public place with a friend or two there, just in case things don't go so well. Public location reduces the risk of them trying anything, as does the friends.
You're 15. There's no rush to tell your parents anything at all, let alone that you're planning to move. You have two or three years before you leave high school, so you don't need to tell them about it right now. You gain nothing from doing so. All you'll do is establish yourself as an impetuous, reckless teenager in their eyes for making such a decision so early in your life. Quite frankly, this isn't a viewpoint that you want them to have, especially if you want them to let you go. Instead, you should present yourself as a world-weary cynic. Explain to them that you've got an online boyfriend, explain that you're not doing anything irresponsible, and that you're just seeing where it'll go. Let them see that you realise that there's a very real possibility of you two breaking up at any point in time. That way, they're less likely to try to play the heroes and save you from a 'bad decision'. This way, on the off-chance you two break up before you leave high-school, you'll end up with less egg on your face than otherwise. If you don't break up by the time you leave, your parents are more likely to be accepting when you reveal your decision, as they'll know that you've been together for three years, and are thus serious, and not likely to be stranded or anything similar. Of course, you could just keep them in the dark, as that'd probably be easier in the short term, but I doubt you want to keep lying to them, and going behind their backs. If you do decide to tell them, I'd strongly recommend having them talk to him or his parents via Skype as often as possible. They're less likely to find it unbearably creepy that way.
I would advise a gradual approach to it. Tell them you're talking to a guy online and tell them an appropriate story about him and you. Wait a few days, tell them you have spoken to him for a while and another story about him and you. Wait a week or so, mention positives about him during that time like, 'He makes me laugh' or 'He's helped me with some work/homework'. Then when you feel ready, tell them about you two. I've found that gradually approaching the subject would likely help their acceptance of someone they've never met or lives far away. If they start to accept he's a part of your life, they will slowly accept how much he means to you. I wouldn't know how your parents would accept the fact, but if you normalise the situation and make the relationship feel as a part of your life they may not see it in such a bad light. Good luck with however you do this.
Agreed. Shell-shocking them with the news that: You have an online boyfriend, something they are (judging from what you have said) at the very least uncomfortable with. He is three years older than you. He lives thousands of miles away. You are planning to meet up at anime convention. You would like to move in with him in the next two to three years. is probably not a good plan of approach. The fact that you're beginning in plenty of time works in your favor; let them know you're talking to people online regularly, and that you've made some very good friends. When/if they get more comfortable with the idea, mention your boyfriend specifically. Ease them into it slowly. If it helps, have them sit down for a Skype chat with your boyfriend and perhaps his parents, just to assuage their fear of pedophiles or otherwise ill-intentioned people. I would have to echo everyone's warning that moving in with your boyfriend might be a large step to take, and one that requires a little more thought & planning. Before you do so you should meet him in person a few times, for extended periods of time if you can--people's online personalities don't always translate to real life. Not to doubt what the two of you have, but it would be awful to be stuck in a foreign country alone like that.
I think you should not approach it like you are now. That has a couple of reasons: 1. You're too young to think about moving in with someone. No offence, but you are in the time of your life where you have the biggest personal changes. I've been 15 too, 5 years ago, and I was a totally different person then. You should allow yourself to grow and mature some more before making decisions like this. 2. Even if Australia and the US share the same language, the culture will be different. So will the environment. Moving in immediately is not a good idea. You might have to try to stay there for a couple of months first, socializing with people and finding places where you can find a job/study/whatever you're planning to do. You can get a three month visum for Australia if you want to. Try the lifestyle for three months before making your mind. Consider these things while telling, or not telling, your parents. Don't do anything rushed, that's the worst thing to do. Not only to others, but mostly to yourself.
Thank you all very much for the help, it's made me re-think over this in another perspective. Also, I thought my parents were joking when they told me they had a program that screenshotted my screen every two seconds... they weren't. Looks like I'm screwed, but thank you guys so much. I appreciate the feedback.
