Ok, so many of you may have read my thread in help with life, if you haven't and you want to know the full story behind this sonnet, then feel free to do so. So, I wrote this in Shakespearean Sonnet style. For those who are interested, here's the structure of a Shakespearean Sonnet: Spoiler III. The English (or Shakespearian) Sonnet: The English sonnet has the simplest and most flexible pattern of all sonnets, consisting of 3 quatrains of alternating rhyme and a couplet: a b a b c d c d e f e f g g As in the Spenserian, each quatrain develops a specific idea, but one closely related to the ideas in the other quatrains. So without further ado, i present to you Llave de Espada's Sonnet I- When I first glanced upon your face, So radiant was thy heavenly beauty. My heart's beat quickened its pace, Thou art the only one to enchant me. Thy hair, 'tis more elegant than the sun, Your eyen, luminous pools that delve deep within my soul. And when the day is done, I dream of you whence I sleep. But on the toll of dismal day, Thou lovest another before I'd chanced. Love's tidal wave swept thee away, Now in the warm embrace of romance. Fear thee not, my sister, instead, become his consort. Because I still have adoration, your decision I will support. Hahaa it may be "in another launguage" to you, but i would love to hear your thoughts and criticisms! BTW- "eyen" is archaic (very old fashioned) plural of eye. Just thought i'd add this after someone thought i misspelled eyes.
I've tried my hand at sonnets for English class, but I never had much luck using the vocabulary that you used here. o: That being said, I really liked the imagery you created in the third stanza. The metaphor of love being a tidal wave was done well. I imagined it as though the narrator was on the shore, and the girl was like an object in the sea. But the waves of "love" dragged her to her future lover (the sun) to land in "the warm embrace of romance." To be honest, I wasn't really expecting the last couplet to be accepting of the love. I thought that the narrator would end up a jealous lover of sorts, but that's just me. xD Great job, and I look forward to reading more. c:
I appreciate that you wrote a real poem here. I feel that poetry absolutely must have a structure, style and form. Free verse and blank verse are, in my opinion, not poetry at all. So, the fact that you've written a sonnet puts you ahead of the game significantly. The fact that you didn't shy away from the old Shakespearean forms of words and actually used them to your advantage puts you further ahead. Further, your imagery was quite good and you actually separated your stanzas with their content rather than just letting them mush together, both put you ahead again. The largest point of concern was that 'eyes' was misspelled 'eyen'. The rest was solid and well performed. I'd probably even expect you to be able to write in other more complex forms since you've got this down so well. I'm really impressed if you couldn't already tell. I hope you continue to write poetry because you have a knack for it I'd guess.
Hahaa thanks a lot! There are fourteen lines in a Shakespearean sonnet. The first twelve lines are divided into three quatrains with four lines each. In the three quatrains the poet establishes a theme or problem and then resolves it in the final two lines, called the couplet. The rhyme scheme of the quatrains is abab cdcd efef. The couplet has the rhyme scheme gg. So that's why it shifted to positive even after the narrator lost the girl. Hope that makes sense now:) Hahaa thank you!! that's really flattering, i don't really view myself as a poet, but hey, never hurts to try your hand in as many things as you can. As for the eyen, that actually is the archaic (very old fashioned) plural of eye. http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/eyen I wanted to make it as authentic as possible, as if Shakespeare himself wrote it... (boy am i trying to step above a legend...) but it was fun now that i look back at it. I could try writing more, but i almost feel as if that was a fluke, my inspiration for that sonnet was romantic grief at the time, so it just sorta flowed out in written form... But thanks for all the great words of encouragement! i'll try to make another one on a different topic:)
I'm guessing sonnet is a mix of a song and poem? Anyway, that was great. It's also a good way to get your feelings out. The first paragraph really stuck out to me and was by far the best in the song / poem.
Definitaion of a Sonnet: A sonnet it a fouteen line poem writen in iambic pentameter which means that each line has fifve beats. This strucure finishes with a rhyming couplet. Sonnets tent to be love poems, especially those of Shakespeare ^^. I like the use of the venacular of the time in this poem, but I sometimes feel you could possible stick closer to the pentameter rhythm. It is a really wrought form, so it's difficult, but it's a really good form to be able to master. I really like the way you introduce the love, then the conflict and then th resolution, as should b with all sonnets. All in all, good work.
Thank you! Yeah the iambic pentameter is difficult thing to integrate, you have to be precise in your word choices. (I can't grasp how Shakespeare was able to do that in all of his plays as well!!!) But i will confess, at the time that had slipped my mind, and romantic depression was motivating me then... But i plan to write more, and thank you for reminding me to also use iambic pentameter! (Boy this is gonna be interesting...)
I thought that might be the case but as I've never seen it, I figured I'd error on the side of knowledge and error I did. I apologize for that. Either way if that's how things are I'll have to reevaluate this a little. Now there are no technical flaws anywhere in this. Everything is intentional this way and the only flaws or problems people could find here lie in your diction and style which I personally don't have any problems with. It's a real shame that you don't feel as though this was your representative average but I suppose that if you draw your art from your emotions it's not like you can force it. So, that's my little alteration and if you have my support in your future endeavors, whatever you choose them to be.
Hahaa! 'Tis fine, i'm not very good at vernacular, so i don't blame you... (a lot of this was emotion and dictionary/thesaurus research.) But im really happy you liked it, that really makes me feel happy as well:) I think the only thing that i need to work on, is iambic pentameter. so i think i will try and make another sonnet. (due to all of your positive feedback.) Sorry in advance if it isn't as "good" as the first... But i will try:)
