So lately I've been experimenting with poetry in my free time...thinking of ideas...such as picking words 100% at random and encorporating each and every one of the chosen words into a poem (that was fun :D) Now today I had this idea...Writing a story...Completely out of poetry :3 I am about to write it here and now...Starting from 2:15 in the morning UK time..how this will go...We will see~ The curious case of Hansel Life is sometimes dull Drifting along like dust in the wind Finding that those "responsible" speak nothing but bull But one man created a trail of blood, one man sinned It was a quiet afternoon This is the spine chilling case Of a man they now call "Hansel" A little sunny A little breezy But very simple Hansel's day went as normal Wake up. Eat. Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. Frustration was building No excitement, no friends, no fun, no help A man who was lost in the world One day in the office, innocently walking Hansel bumps into a young woman She fell The blood spilled Hansel felt shock Not knowing what to do he just watched Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. The puddle spread beneath Hansel's boots Nobody blamed him, an innocent accident Hansel attended the funeral Many comforted him His lack of remorse was taken as shock But inside he was smiling, laughing He felt alive He looked around and took in the gorgeous nature of life His mind replaying the scene of an acquaintances death Sick thoughts spread through his mind In the few days following the funeral Hansel knew what to do He had plans And suddenly one by one random people weredying Some deaths obscure Some deaths with hidden messages Hansel was desperate Spilling blood made him feel alive yet sick But he knew it was wrong He was desperate to be caught His messages were always hidden too well Five months later Hansel was discovered He made a trail of blood leading straight to his doorstep Sweet irony, a lost man finding his way back home Following the trail of blood He demanded to be known only as "Hansel" In a note left on the door Hansel was discovered However it was his own blood on the walls Hansel, Hansel, Hansel Finding life in death, and death in life CnC is more than welcome for this ^_^ it's just an experimental idea...if you think it went well I ma write more...Perhaps of better quality...when it's not 2:40 in the morning -_- thanks for reading ^_^
There are a few things I have to tell you. I'll start with the bad. Okay so 1, this is a site open to all age groups. This is a little bit more violent and you need to watch what you're posting. The younger users could easily read this. You should at least try to slightly censor your posts for the younger demographic. Now 2, I honestly couldn't see the poetry in this, it just looks like a bunch of lines that have been broken up here and there. Not saying that it has to rhyme but this literally had no sense of poetic backbone (to me at least) 3, changing the colors of the words might seem like a good idea but it really just makes a mess of things, when you use it too much. An occasional word here and there is alright but there is a limit between cute and gaudy. Ok, sorry about all the bad stuff, now for the good. 1, I like the idea, I think every poem should tell a story whether it be big or small. 2, I like the story itself, has a few morals in there somewhere I think. (Again though, watch the descriptive stuff) 3, it appears like you have a unique way of doing things, and in art, unique is key. All in all it was an alright read. Try to keep in mind what I mentioned and improve on the things I pointed out and you could be a well renowned poet (on KH-Vids at least) Hope to hear more soon ;)
Thank you very much :) I'm really glad to hear some input and would like to expand on the idea ^_^ it wasn't really to make the poem tell a story...the idea was to try to write a poem in a sort of story book fashion :3 I have to agree with your bad points though...It does look messy and stuff...But hey I'll work on it ^_^ I'd try again...But I think things seem to look better at 3 in the morning...I'll try when I have a more critical frame of mind xDD thank you very much for your input though, it's VERY much appreciated
