a poem

i wrote this at two in the moning without thinking about it and have not truthfully read it untill no so im suprised its any good at all.

day to night
The day is hot and feels of fire
but it is not the day that I desire
for no heat can warm the soul
but simply scorch an empty hole,

of life or death then life again
I'd give mine to other men
for if I cannot see your face
then better off not waste your grace,
now its not long until the end
and maybe I've still life to spend
but not on me my life is spent,

if the breeze does pull to rest
then gladly I would face its breath
for when the day ends so fast
I'll be gone and you'll have night at last

 

Very nice! I really like it, but I'd check grammar and spelling.

 

Hmm...grammar check and it sounds good. 9/10(for now)

 

Awesome poem! It's well written, even tho grammar, and you think a lot better than me at 2am! I agree with 9/10

 

well i wouldnt say 9/10 but yeah im quite pleased with it

 

Wow, pretty good just check the grammer

 

Im not sure this is the right section, it should be in original work if its not fan-based xD But then again....


Yeah nice work just keep an eye on your spelling and such, like the others have said.

 

wow that's pretty good! the spelling errors sort of detract from it but it still is a good poem.
keep up the good work ^w^​

 

well then im quite pleased with my replies expecilly consinering im not poet ant thes is the first poem i've written outside of lame school projects.

 

That was a pretty nice poem. I liked the flow of it. Keep up the good work. XD