A Poem ( read it and please tell me what you think about it )

Why is it always the innocent?by Viry

You were my hero and I was always able to see the good in you.
When people talked bad about you I never believed them and stood by your side.
When you where depressed my shoulder was always ready for you to cry on.
When you lost your baby I was there to comfort you.
But when I needed you the most you turned your back on me and walked away.
Now that you have another child who seeks the love of a mother your turning away from him too.
You are turning away from someone you created with love.
That small child I see everyday is being hurt by the constant fights of his mommy and daddy.
Yet I don't see you care for this small child all you see are your own problems.
Don't keep walking away from this innocent child that is yours just turn back and try.
Try to let him know that you care and that you love him.
And don't fail him like you failed me.


I wrote this when i was going through a hard time and well it isn't that good but just tell me what you think

 

What you need to work on is the rythemic part and the flow, as well as the rhyeming.

For the flow, it will improve when you put in the ryheming, as well as when you make the sentances/lines differnet it size.

For the rhyeming, here are some popular ones.

AABB

ABAB

ABAC

ABCA

Good luck with all of your other work!

 

Oh My Gosh thanks finally someone gives me some help on my writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you have totally made my night thanks *gives a hug of thanks*

 

*Hugs back* Your welcome! If you have any other work, just PM me the link!

 

thanks and i sure will since you're the only one who has helped me thanks for your help i really appreciate it :D