A Nobody To Darkness, A Nobody To Darkness.

I called it this title because it's a connection between two hearts, Naminè's and Riku's, Roxas has just passed away so Naminè decided to move to Destiny Islands so she wouldnt be lonely at Twilight Town, but when Xehanort returns Riku's life starts to change a little, while managing to keep control of Xehanort, he's dating Naminè.

This 16 year old couldn’t sleep. He was obviously disturbed by a not long ago memory. He tossed and turned until he swung up from his pillow with his eyes opened as if he’d seen a ghost. “Just a dream, it’s just a dream Riku, go back to sleep. Forget about it.†He said to himself. Riku rubbed his eyes and turned to his clock, “6 o’clock, Great.†he sighed sarcastically, as he had to get up and get ready for school. The teacher said that their would be a new student coming into the class yesterday, which meant he/she was coming today, Riku was curious and excited, so off he swung his blanket, and stood up lifting his arms and yawning. He walked off to the bathroom to have a shower.
Not long after Riku’s shower he discovered a note on the kitchen bench.
“Riku, honey, we’re going to work early, your lunch box is packed, but we want to see a tidy room when we get home! Stop reading all those stupid comic books!â€
It was Riku’s mother’s handwriting. Riku chuckled. His mother didn’t know about Fantasy.
Just then, Riku had a slight inside attack, his heart felt like it was being covered by darkness. He dropped to the ground and put his hand to his stomach, and then he heard a familiar voice inside his head.
“I’m still here Riku. The darkness is still inside you.â€
The pain had stopped. Riku remembered this familiar voice. It was Xehanort. The one inside his heart, Riku knew that he had to urgently go see King Mickey about this. As Mickey said he didn’t belong to the darkness anymore, but, was it true, or not?
School, Riku’s hated time-waster as he’d prefer to call it, he lifted his feet onto his desk, sat back, put his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes, thinking of his earlier dream, and Riku felt a silent pinch on his muscled arm. “Gee, Riku. Didn’t sleep well?â€
Riku opened one eye in curiosity, the first thing he saw were the brown spikes on this boys head, he was holding his books and sat down beside Riku. “How you been, man?†Asked the teenager. “I can’t wait! A new person in class! Ah, but, still a little down in sorrow, about my nobody, facing death, never knew it was even… possible.†Continued the upset yet excited teenager.
“Don’t sweat it Sora! He’s in a better place now.†Said a familiar voice.
A girl with red shiny hair stood in front of the two boys. This was Kairi. Their childhood friend.
She sat down beside Sora and pulled out her books from her bag. “I just feel a little upset for Naminè, y’know. She and Roxas were so close.†Sighed Kairi.
Interrupting the small conversation, the teacher walked into the classroom, Riku quickly got out of his relaxing mode and sat perfectly, while the teacher was examining all the students who were sitting politely.
“Class, as I mentioned yesterday. We have a new student, now she is a little shy, but I’m sure we can all welcome her with high spirits.â€
A nervous girl walked into the classroom, staring at the ground, her blonde hair covered her face, and it was all moved on her right shoulder. She looked up staring at the class, this girl wore a normal summer white dress, and blue sandals on her feet, and she then recognized the three, Sora, Riku and Kairi. She smiled sweetly and continued walking up to the teacher. “Class, this is Naminè, now she has just had a close friend pass away so I want you to be nice to her.â€
Riku gave Naminè a face meaning that she could come and sit next to him, as he knew that no one would offer. Naminè smiled and walked up to the desk. She felt a paper corner hit the back of her head as she sat down, she turned around, an unusual black haired girl threw it at her and laughed, Naminè picked up the paper airplane and spoke quietly. “You know, your paper airplanes need work, the corners are uneven, and as for the point, it’s more like flat pancake.†She gave the girl a look meaning that if she did it again, she would have to suffer. Sora, Riku and Kairi couldn’t help but laugh with Naminè at what she said, Naminè turned around and smiled. And then, the bell rang, so everyone walked out, and Sora, Riku, Kairi and Naminè began to talk while walking out, they put their books in their bags, rested them on the bag bench in the classroom and they walked out heading towards the island. They took their boats and off they went.
When they got there, they sat on the beach talking for 2 hours. And then Kairi and Sora’s mothers came to the island in their boats calling Kairi and Sora back for dinner. They left, leaving Naminè and Riku.
“Naminè, if you don’t mind me asking, where’s Roxas’ grave?†Riku began, trying to make conversation.
“The usual spot in Twilight Town.†Replied Naminè.
They were left with a couple of hours in silence, as they both got up and jumped in their boats and got back to their home. They said goodbye and split up to go to their island houses.
Riku couldn’t sleep again. So when he woke up at midnight, he got up, got dressed, and went outside to the edge of the island and sat down. The moonlight reflected onto the ocean waves as Riku began to think, about the voice he had heard yesterday. He looked up into the stars and began to whisper, “How did you cope with the signs Roxas?â€
Riku paused, he heard footsteps on the sand coming toward him, it was Naminè, and she sat down beside him. “Couldn’t sleep?†She asked.
“Not at all.†Riku replied.
The teenager’s hands touched. Both their hearts stopped, and stared deep into each others eyes, Riku had a light feeling in his heart he hadn’t had for quite a long time. They both turned around and looked different ways while blushing, and Riku thought this would be his only chance to actually have a first kiss instead of being the lonely one in the group, but he knew Naminè would push him away. After all, Roxas WAS dead. Still, Riku didn’t let that stop him, he turned around and pressed his lips to Naminè’s in surprise, she had done the same thing, they both looked at each other while kissing, and it turned passionate, for a minute, Riku had felt the happiest he had ever felt. Naminè was still upset to Roxas’ death, but that didn’t stop her, she knew Roxas wouldn’t want her to live in sorrow all the time. They finished that passionate kiss and both smiled, And They both got up and to their surprise they looked down at their hands, surprising, their hands were clinging. As Naminè began to walk away, she said goodbye to Riku, and their hands disconnected, Naminè walked off smiling, she stopped, turned around and told Riku: “Riku, tomorrow, I’ll come to your house, would we be able to walk to school together? I’m afraid that black-haired girl will follow me.â€
“Yeah, sure, what time do you plan to come over?†Replied Riku.
“Is 6:15 okay?†Naminè replied.
“Yeah, but you might need to sit in the lounge alone for a minute, might wake up late.†Laughed Riku.
Naminè nodded. “It’s a promise.â€
Riku set his alarm just in case, and woke up at 6:00. He got up and got dressed, and heard the doorbell ring, he rushed down managing to get his school tie on and opened it up, it was Naminè, smiling sweetly.
“Oh! Naminè, come straight in!†Said Riku
Naminè nodded and smiled.
“I’ll be with you in a minute; I just have to go make my bed.†Replied Riku as he rushed up the stairs.
Five minutes later he came back down and sat beside Naminè on the couch.
“Did you have breakfast this morning? Because we have some time to at least make some toast.†Asked Riku,
“Yeah, I’ll have some toast please, just with strawberry jam.†Replied Naminè.
Riku got up, looked down at Naminè, and smiled. He walked around the back of the lounge to the kitchen, pulled out the toaster from a cupboard below the bench, plugged it in, walked around near the stove and got the bread; he put it in the toaster and set it to a timer, jumped up to the bench and sat on there, Naminè jumped off the couch and walked towards Riku, she sat on the bench beside him. “Naminè, do you know your way around the school yard?†Asked Riku, still trying to get the hang of starting conversations.
Naminè said nothing, and suddenly hugged Riku and didn’t plan to let go, Riku heard Naminè whisper:
Thank you for being the kind of guy I can lean on.
In class, Riku and Naminè were secretly holding hands under the desk; Naminè was worried that black-haired girl would come in and yell at her. The usual happened; Kairi and Sora came in and sat down beside Riku and Naminè. Kairi dropped her book and bent down under the desk to get it, she saw Riku and Naminè’s hands connecting, she thought it was sweet, and sat back up and gave Riku the kind of face that meant ‘I know you’re hands are connected.’
After class, the gang went out and ate lunch in the tranquility garden area where all the shade was.
“This tranquility garden is set up beautifully and it’s so, peaceful.†Commented Naminè
“You think so? The gang and I built it.†Replied Riku.
“You did a great job.†Answered Naminè, smiling sweetly.
Everyone smiled, when they finished, the boys decided to go for a swim at the beach, while the girls wanted to make seashell necklaces. They all went to their houses, gathered some fish wire to make necklaces, and bathers.
They met up at the island. “Hey, Sora, Race you to the water!†Laughed Riku.
“YOU’RE ON!†Replied Sora.
The two boys were trying to jump over waves, and the girls were making the necklaces and chatting.
“So I saw Riku holding your hand in class, any connection there?†Smiled Kairi.
“Well since Roxas has passed, I know he wouldn’t want me in sorrow all the time, and Riku’s been the kind of guy, I can lean on…†Replied Naminè, “We kissed last night down here.†She continued.
Kairi was happy for the both of them. “You and Riku aren’t going to be lonely anymore, you have each other.â€
That night at Naminè’s house, she was having dinner with her mother and father, and getting a lecture. “Naminè you shouldn’t be hanging out with that Riku guy, he’s a bad influence, the way he acts, and he’s going to turn you into a biker.†Yelled Naminè’s mother, “mother, you don’t know how loving Riku can be.†Replied Naminè, getting a little angry, “Well I forbid you to see that child, I’ll write a note to your teacher, saying you’re not aloud to be anywhere near him, and you two dating is worse.†She yelled again.
Naminè slammed her fork and knife onto the table. “You know nothing about love!†She yelled, running up to her room and crying.
She dived onto her bed, her tears wetting the blanket, and then she stopped as there was a destiny islands newsflash on the radio. Naminè sat and listened.
Meanwhile, on the beach, Riku had finished his dinner and had the same argument with his parents, except he ran out the door and took his boat from the beach to destiny islands. He used the doors to get to the other side, the one not facing the other island, and then he heard that same voice again.
Your time is up, Riku.
Riku turned around, Xehanort stood before him, Riku wielded his way to dawn to get ready to fight, and Xehanort clicked his fingers and heartless appeared, Riku defeated them, no sweat, though Riku was quite exhausted now, but when he looked up, Xehanort wasn’t there, and he turned around, but Riku couldn’t defend himself now, Xehanort clicked his fingers once more and more heartless came, Riku was exhausted and wasn’t as fast as the heartless’ speed, so when the heartless pounced, Riku was left for dead, he yelled as loud as he could, but sadly, no one heard him. It seemed that when Xehanort said Riku’s time was up, he might have been right, if someone didn’t find Riku soon, he’d be dead too.
On the radio, the interviewer began to talk, not only was Naminè listening, but Sora and Kairi were as well, “We just have a new subject in, a teenage boy, age 16 has been missing, and the boy’s name is Riku.†Then his parent’s voices were on the radio. “We had an argument and Riku would usually be home by now.â€
Naminè turned off the radio, grabbed a coat and torch, opened her balcony door, walked out onto the balcony and jumped off the edge, landing on her feet. She ran to Sora’s house, and Kairi was there too. “Riku’s missing, we have to find him.â€
Sora and Kairi already knew so they grabbed their coats and torches and ran off with Naminè.
Naminè had one hand holding her torch, and the other doing up the button on her coat, but altogether she was shaking, Kairi told Sora about Riku and Naminè’s relationship, he wasn’t mad but he watched Naminè shake and he didn’t want her to go through this as well as cope with Roxas dying.
They checked every dark alley on the island, asked every house if they knew anything, and ran around looking for clues. They went to check the island but they didn’t see Riku anywhere on the side that was facing the other island.
“I’ll go check the other side.†Said Naminè,
“Okay, yell if you find anything.†Replied Kairi.
Naminè used the doors to get around the other side, there she found Riku lying on the ground, she screamed and Sora and Kairi came running, Naminè checked Riku’s pulse, and he had none, so she lifted him up and put his arm around her shoulder, she walked him to the boat then walked him to his house, she rang the doorbell, and gave Riku to his parents, and she then walked home and went into her room and went to bed, crying herself to sleep.
The next day Riku was fine, and he came up to Naminè, Sora and Kairi and thanked them, he wanted to talk with Naminè and said that his parents are letting him hang out with her, Naminè’s parents said the same, Naminè and Riku walked off to the tranquility garden because Riku wanted to say something else, he took Naminè’s hand gently and kissed her on the cheek softly, and then they walked to class together chatting happily, but what they didn’t know, Roxas was standing in front of the school gates, smiling, he was happy that Naminè was happy again, he turned away and walked off, soon disappeared.
Wow, never knew how much my fingers would hurt after typing, anyway, I hope you liked my story!:D

 

It's good! A little fast paced at times, but good!

I think you should always try writing battle scenes. They are fun even if they do suck :)

The ending was a bit sudden, but It's a good start. HEHE. I also like your username and avatar...
​

 

xD

Yeah, I knew the ending was a bit sudden xD But I really couldnt think of a way to end it.

And I've tried alot to write battles, but they get really serious, xD

I might write more soon, but for now I might just rest, My fingers hurt x3

 

Hmm. . . . It's a good start for a story, and it has real good potential, but it needs a little work. A couple of things I noticed are that your paragraphs are kind of smushed together, making the writing a little difficult to read, and things seem a little rushed here and there. Try slowing things down and spacing things out. No one's rushing you to do this all in one day; take your time with it. And even if you don't have it done for this week's contest, there's always next week, right?

Also, in part with the rushed transitions and smushed text, I noticed that your dialogue is a little misplaced. Dialougue should kind of have its own paragraph (or at least as I've been taught) unless it's placed at the very end of a paragraph. It's kind of iffy to put it right in the middle of a paragraph; it seems very awkward and breaks up the flow of the rest of the text in a not-so-good manner. Try sticking to placing dialogue only at the beginning and end of paragraphs, and not in the middle.

That's really all I saw wrong with your story, so aside from that, good job! ^^ Keep it up!