A new story made!

Discussion in 'Archives' started by jojoj13, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. jojoj13 Hollow Bastion Committee

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2008
    201
    671
    Chapter 1

    Jeffrey Carlton, a 15 year old, was always good at imagining things. He's also fast at thinking ideas. With his imaginations and his fast ideas, he makes adventure stories. He made many stories that are so amazing,
    his books might be a best seller.

    But he made the amazing story of what might be his last. It all started when he was at his home, at night, getting to sleep. When he slept, he had dream. In that dream, he saw a burning city. And he was in that burning city. Everyone in the city panic, screamed, and running. Then, Jeffrey saw armored people.
    They had guns, grenades, everything that a soldier has. Jeffrey started to hide in a place they wouldn't see him. Some people rebeled at them. Hitting them with some of their bats and some have guns. But they were outnumbered. However, they had one man who was brave, fast, and strong.

    He woke up. And when woke up, he started to record in his notebook what had happend in his dream.

    "Jeffrey! Breakfast!" his mom said
    "Just a second!" Jeffrey said

    He was done at recording them. And started get going in school. While he was going to school, he thought to himself.

    "I wonder what had happend that time. What was the cause for that to happend?"



    End of Chapter 1
     
  2. Aura Goddess

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Safest Haven
    193
    That was really good.Maybe just work on your spelling a little ok.But so far its going good.
     
  3. Sumi suicidé

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2008
    Gender:
    Genderfluid
    Location:
    the void
    368
    Nice, definetely work on spelling though.
     
  4. Roxaspartanti King's Apprentice

    16
    430
  5. T3F Chaser

    Joined:
    Mar 16, 2008
    Gender:
    Female
    809
    I really enjoyed that. And maybe make your chapters a bit longer.
     
  6. Advent 【DRAGON BALLSY】

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2007
    Gender:
    Overcooked poptart
    523
    Not bad. I like the idea, but you could work on sentence structure a bit. Other than that, great job ^_^.