There’s been a lot on my mind lately, and the one that’s been most reoccurring is romantic relationships… All my life I had crushes on girls since kindergarten, you know, the innocent kind. In Eighth grade, I had finally mustered what little courage I had to tell a girl I liked that I liked her. (She was the third to last I liked, for the record) She was not interested and she would never talk to me afterwards. That hurt, but I knew I was young, and there were more gals out there! So time continued its course, and in the summer between my ninth and tenth grade years, (2008) I had gotten a summer job. There I had met great friends and I am still friends with them to this day. (and forever) But I had also met a girl that I really liked, and I, having a “past†of relationships, was afraid to tell her, but I wanted to be friends first. So about a year goes by and I work with them occasionally throughout that year. Then summer came again, (2009) and we had new employees. At this time I still had feelings for this gal, and I tried not to make it obvious, but unfortunately, she caught on, and was not interested. She was very subtle about it, but I could see it. She would say hi and all, but whenever she would get the chance, she would slip away or “not hear†what I asked. Then another friend of mine in my work (she was a girl) told me that the girl I liked asked her to keep me away from her. My friend was “on my side†and told me that maybe she isn’t the one. This was really shocking to me, I never acted awkward around the girl I liked, and in no way was I advancing and making her uncomfortable. I was just trying to be a friend… So time goes by yet again, and it’s the summer between my Junior and Senior year. (2010) I was still working at my job, and things were calmed down, the girl I liked was starting to be more comfortable around me, seeing that I only wanted to be friends. I confess to you that there was still lingering feelings for her, but for the most part, they were quenched by time. Then I had met another girl that joined our work that summer, and she was absolutely beautiful! She was a year older than I was, but I didn’t mind that. She was really kind; she had a great personality, laughed at my witty jokes (sincerely) and we had a lot of funny sarcasm battles. It felt great being around her and time flew by. She and I would talk on the phone every night that summer, and when I showed her what I liked to listen to; she showed an interest in my music, even though she had never listened to it before. (I like Japanese Pop, or J-Pop for short) Every night I couldn’t sleep, I kept thinking of her and how great it would be to be together. I think she was interested in me, but I was too afraid to confess, because rejection had been my best friend in the past. I think that was the fatal err that will haunt me for the rest of my life… Time takes its course and it is now around January 2011, I hadn’t really talked to her because since the summer had ended, she was on vacations and never replied to my simple “hey how’s it going?†texts. I finally get a hold of her and she says that she had been busy and was talking to her boyfriend on Skype. (at this point, my heart literally stopped beating.) She goes on and tells me she met him at a camp in September. (so the time I was with her in the summer, she was single, not taken, I should’ve acted…) All I could say was congratulations. My heart ached and hatred filled my soul as I thought of another man with the girl I loved, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. At times, it made me sick as to how my window of opportunity closed so fast. I just couldn’t take it all in… In May, my work friends and I met up for a friends Birthday party, and she brings him along. He’s 21 or something, she’s 19, and I’m 18, so there was a difference I suppose. I decided just to see how he acts; I wasn’t going to start anything. I got to know him and he’s a great guy. That night when I got home, I wrote a Shakespearian Sonnet (I know, cheesy, but it worked, it was the only way to let go…) about how I felt and how I finally see her as a sister… it was hard to let go, and it hurt, but it felt so relieving. Life’s good, takin’ it easy as a bachelor… … And then last night, I had a dream of a girl in my life in the recent past, and we here going out. I don’t have any feelings for her, nor am I attracted to her, but it puzzled me deeply… I don’t dream very often for some reason, so this also hit me. (Of all things to dream about…) I feel really alone I suppose, and I never had the chance (and the honor) to love a girl like I desire to… I know this isn’t as severe as other’s stories but if anyone has advice or whatever, it would be greatly appreciated. And if you are a girl and your reading this, I would also love to hear what you have to say as well.
I've never had a girlfriend, but the best advice that I can give you is to just keep trying. You're bound to find the girl of your dreams at one point or another. As for the dream that you had, a lot of things could have caused it. I can't remember what they're called, exactly, but there are two types of dreams. There's the fantasy type, where nothing really makes sense (I remember I had one where I was in some sort of underwater sewer facility, and when I got to one of the narrowed pipes that water flows through, I was instantly sucked in) and there's the reality type, which are slightly more complicated, but not by much. They're basically caused by events that happened said day before going to bed, such as conversations, things one did, etc, things one was unconsciously thinking about before going to bed, things one was thinking consciously about before going to bed, etc. What makes "reality" dreams complicated, confusing, or weird is that a person could have had two separate conversations said day, but in the dream, they're mushed together. For example, say you were having a conversation about dogs and cats said day. Well, in the dream, a person could be getting chased by a pack of dogs and cats. Anyway, remember the most important rule. Don't break up the couple that put hatred in your "soul", and if you need to get it out of your system, just scream as loud as you can. If there are family members home, do it in a pillow. I hope this helps.
The thing that i don't get is; I haven't even thought about that girl in at least 2 years, i never thought of anything that would relate to her, or anything about having a girlfriend... The subconscious mind is very strange, very strange indeed. I don't hate him or her, he's actually one of my good friends now... I know this sounds so bizarre, but i had enough life experience to realize acting rashly brings about more regret. If i had started something, chances are she would hate me forever. I dunno if she just saw me as a love interest for that summer, but it was a great experience, because every girl i liked, stayed single. This hit the ball into a whole new field. I still care for her and i'm always wondering what today and the rest of my life would've been if i had confessed... prolly a lot less lonely lolz! But i think the reason she got a boyfriend was maybe she didn't see me pursuing. I was so scared to be ripped apart by love... again. (how funny is that! love is the opposite of pain, yet it will still cause it...) Anyways, thanks Amaury! that was helpful, even if you didn't feel like it was! i feel good talking to people about these things and i've had ALL of this bottled up for the past 3 years. I really needed to get it all out, and i knew KHV was the perfect place to. You all are great people! I know she's out there somewheres... psst! Are you on KHV?! (hahaa!)
Man, I'm kinda upset. Why did you never tell me any of this? Well I can't be too mad, for we all have issues. For your "woman" problem, I don't think the problem is you, it's.......(Please don't kill me) the girls. Ok, so your past experiences may hold you with doubt, but you can't let that stop you. If your gut says "Yes", then go for it. I've never had a girlfriend, and I probably won't get one 'till or after college. About your dream, like Amaury said, and adding on, your dreams are based off memories and it is a time your subconscious unlocks your deepest thoughts, feelings, ect. This just means it's been on your mind. And when that happens, it's time to sit down and talk, which is what you did. Have you talked to your parents about this? Also, and I mean no disrespect form this, but in your "work", I don't really know if that is the best place to find a girl, you know? Dude, you are my best friend, a talented artist (that can make $$$$), really kind and sweet to others, and a hekk of a charmer. So how you DON'T have a girl, is beyond me? Anyway just take your time, your still young, the female population isn't dropping anytime soon. (It's not right?) Take care, and remember, you can always talk to me about anything.
Well, my deepest apologies, I kinda keep my love life a secret. (not because i have anything to hide, but because i just feel like people don't need to know.) But that dream really bothered me. Now that i think about it, it was really weird... I dunno if the girl was the girl i'm thinking of, but my mind may have personified that person as her. Throughout my dream, we would hug and kiss, but i could feel my "conscious part" screaming NO! it's as if my "dream body" was going along with it, but i felt like i was hovering over "me" and i felt uncomfortable... hahaa this is really embarrassing... Those gals i liked, i never held anything against them, well, save my love. (i just totally walked into that one...) They are great girls, and i'm still friends with the last two, nothing will change that. hahaa yeah, i know priorities are priorities. Work then fun an games, and whatnot. But i think everyone has a desire to be loved, even if you don't admit it. I've always had great friends that care for me, and family. (Well, and God, i believe in Him too) but my romantic love has been put on a back burner, and was never lit. a match gets close once in a while, but i'm waiting for the "hottest one" to set a spark. (Jeez, i'm just full of these ridiculous analogies... must've been something i ate.) Well thanks, dawg! you are a great friend, i'm glad you're on KHV too. Makes life more interesting!
Well,as has been said already,she just wasnt the one. And maybe,the girl for you is out there somewhere. And from what I know of you,both from reading this post and actually being your friend,I guess it was just a case of bad timing on both parts. Because your a really nice guy... And maybe the girls were just intimadated by that? Becuase,as a girl,I know how it is when a guy is just to nice,its very hard to talk to them. But meh. Also,you were to afriad to act at the time,due to your past... But really,you shouldnt be. You should have just learnt from the past,and maybe approached it differently? As in,had gone up to her,but say "I like you,and would like to go out with you,but I understand if you dont like me,and I hope this doesnt affect our friendship in any way"(though not in those exact words xD) And,about the dreams.. Everyone has weird dreams. I know I really do. And sure,maybe it means something,but maybe it doesnt? Could just be a random dream... Wowza,sorry for the fact Ive kinda rambeled off,and none of this probebly makes sense.. But meh,thats what happens when I post at 5 past one in the morning. All I can say is,the perfect girl for you is out there somewhere. Its just a matter of finding her,and when you do,not letting go. :3
Well, there are a lot of interpretations I could think of for your dream. The best I've got is: Your subconscious telling you that there is always the chance to return to old flames. The last girl may not be with this guy forever, and when that time comes, if you remain friends with her, you could have your own shot with her. Not to say you should hold your breath, but if you and her are truly meant for one another (if you believe in such a thing), there's still time. But you've moved on before, you'll do it again. Things might have ended differently and the actual extent to which the feelings were returned are different, but it's the same you. It may take more time or hurt more, but time has a way of healing wounds. And perhaps this experience will just teach you to be more upfront with your feelings with the girl(s) in your future--if you drag your feet and chicken out, someone may beat you to the punch.
Hahaa thanks, Daxa! you always have a way to cheer me up! Hahaa yeah i think it was a lesson to learn. When you like a girl, and it seems obvious she likes you, give it a shot. I guess i would rather face yet again another rejection, than wondering if there could've been something there... Hmm... if it's my mind telling me there's hope for old flames, it sure is playing a insidious joke on me... I just don't understand my unconscious mind, it does illogical things. I'm not saying that i don't believe there may be a message... somewhere, it just does things differently than my conscious mind. As for the last girl i liked, i do still have subtle feelings, but i'm trying to let them go. (hahaa it's really hard when i imagine her beautiful eyes, hair, laugh, quirks, smile, et cetera...) I do think they make a good couple. As i said somewheres amongst these words above, he's actually a good friend now. I know it is so weird to hear this, but i don't hold any anger or hatred toward either of them. Sure it still pains me how the events played out, but i can't change things... I guess i do hope they break up, but i'm not going to do it, I will let time do it's thing, and there may be a chance. However, they are going strong, so i dunno... I think this was a lesson learned, I gotta wrestle my fears and take the chance of rejection rather than not knowing if there could've been something out of it... It's a terrible feeling, but i guess i had to learn it from a gal that seemed to have an interest in me, and was obviously the most beautiful in my eyes. Hahaa thanks Misty:)
Well man here's what I can tell you, I've had liked many girls, asked 8 of them out, all I ever got was "you're so sweet" or "You're so nice" but it's always "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or "Sorry I just don't have feelings for you" that's what I mostly get and I had a real girlfriend at one point, but she had to move away and it tore me apart, we only been together for like 8 months and that was my 8th grade year, all my years in high school was just crazy, all the girls were just different. I never went to my prom(I just graduated btw), I never had a girlfriend in high school, I always tried to get one but I just couldn't, then came one girl I had a crush on, I really liked her because she did almost the same things I did, she played drums like i do, she was hurt like i was, she experienced her parents' divorce like i did, we just understood each other, but over time she became confused because she couldn't choose between me and her boyfriend, but i told her to choose her boyfriend and so she did, i got her out of my mind, and i was able to move on from her, until I met this girl i like right now, well actually i liked her for 4 years but couldn't tell her, but then i did and she said she didnt want a relationship and she didnt have feelings for me, it kinda hurt me because the mistake i keep making is i keep coming on too strong which is what you cant do, the best thing to do is keep your feelings under control and play it out a little bit because you don't wanna go into the fire without protection.
Too true my friend, too true... yeah i sympathize for your situation, which is the reason i was afraid to confess in the first place. I was so scared of them rejecting me, that i just couldn't do it. But i think it is a lot better to have them say no, than to question if there could ever be something of it. Even though both our stories bring hurt and pain, i think it is always good to try to learn from one another... so thank you for the kind words, i will try to be more courageous in the future, but i will keep in mind to keep my feelings under control like you said. Thanks a ton!
Hey man it's no problem at all we're all a family here and I'm always here to help if you ever need someone to talk to :)
