A lot of things...

So a lot of things have been changing in my life lately...

First off...I'm going to high school next year and I'll be honest I'm pretty scared.
Most of my friends aren't going to my high school and I'm unsure of what I want to do with my life.

People keep telling me how much pressure I'm going to be under to remain a great student,keep a social life and not giving into peer pressure.(which is not going to be that hard for because I have no interest in drugs/alcohol/smoking whatsoever.Although,I am bad at saying no to someone and I don't have that much confidence;which is something I need to work on...)

Another thing that is bothering me is holidays without my grandparents.
My grandparents both died this year within about 17 days of each other and it's still very hard on me.
This is my first birthday,thanksgiving and christmas without them in my life.
It's so different than past years.
I feel horrible about not talking to my grandparents more.
They were trying to cut ties with my family because I guess they thought that it would be better to die and not be as close.
Although,it was still horrible either way.
I feel as though if they could have told me they were sick (my grandmother mostly) I could have done something and helped them...Or maybe I could have just picked up the phone and talked before they died.
Because I hadn't really seen them for months before their death.


There is also more things going on with me...
My family is always constantly fighting all the time and I feel as though we don't love each other.
Our car rides are either filled with silence or bickering.
My sister is the worst.
She told me that she hoped I got hit by a train because I was fighting with her.
It hurts.
Then you have my parents fighting because my mother is acting rather angry lately and my father is trying to make the best of things and it isn't working out.

~
I feel sort of alone in the world.
Like nobody is here for me,to support me in any of my decisions in the future.
I don't know if it's right for me to say what I feel because it's so hard to describe.I guess I have it in my head that nobody really cares for me.
I'm not sure about anything,even myself.
I can't even think sometimes because my head starts pounding.

I don't usually play this card;but it feels as though I am misunderstood by people.
They think that I am out to get them and I'm trying to be hurtful when I'm not.

Most of my friends give me a hard time about things.
Whatever I do isn't cool in their eyes.
One of my friends critisized golf right in front of me,even though she knows I enjoy it and I'm on the team.
Some of them talk about their grandparents constantly around me;which I don't think is right.
I'm used to maybe mentioning something;but having a whole conversation with me?It's a bit mean to be honest.
They never even listen to me when I tell them to stop acting like that.

I try to keep remembering the good times with people;and it's hard because there are hardly any I can even remember...
I am usually generally a happy person but now I'm just not.

I'm not sure of who to trust or who my friends are because some girls have been so nasty to me I've remembered everything they've said because it's so engraved in my head.

I'm not saying I'm innocent;because I'm not.
I just don't warrant the abuse.
I'm sometimes overly tired and mean to people for no reason,It's like I'm in a pattern to act this way...Even though I don't want to.
I usually try to be the bigger person and try to understand people more but I just can't.
For some reason I'm not acting like my usual self.

I am so nostalgic it's not even funny.


+Don't not take me seriously because of my username.
It's meant to be funny because I honestly don't like Miley Cyrus...But I'd appreciate you guys telling me what I should do or give me advice without being wise asses ;-;
This is actually more of a venting thread and getting things off my chest.

To everyone of KHV:
Sorry if I took anything out on you;because I know I do that sometimes.
And I'm sorry if I've been anything but nice to any of you.
Sometimes I act immature also.

Sometimes I take things out on people to make myself feel better and even though I am going through a hard time nobody deserves it and I'm sorry.

Some members on here think I'm arrogant,immature and I have a huge ego.
And some well, hate/dislike me for a reason I do not know...
Although I have to no idea why...Because I usually put others before myself and try to act friendly with everyone...I can't help but wonder if I'm an all around ***** to some of you in plain english.
I'm sorry if I am.
Please tell me if I've done anything mean to you because I couldn't honestly live with myself being to mean to people I hardly even know for no reason whatsoever.

It may sound pathetic but some of you know me better than people I've met in real life.So I don't want you guys to think badly of me anymore.


This isn't quite a goodbye thread.
I actually think it only half fits in this section though.
And yes CtR's post inspired me to write this because I,as well have some things to get off my chest.

 

Okay I'm going to break this off into sections because I really do understand all that you are saying and I read the entire thing~.

High school isn't as scary as people make it out to be, really. It's just a lot bigger than Middle and Elementary school. You switch around classes a lot so even if most of your friends were in high-school, you probably wouldn't see them too much to begin with. The point of the scheduling is to get you to meet other people and put you in an environment where you can meet new people and get you ready for college and beyond that. As for pressure, classes are a bit harder, but you're smarter now that you're in high-school so it kind of balances itself out. Just study/ do you homework as you would normally and trust me, you'll find time to balance everything out. (:

^If you have any more questions regarding that please feel free to ask me any time, I'd be happy to listen.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandparents, I can't really relate fully to this because my grandfather died before I was born and my grandmother is still alive. If I was in your situation, I would would have no choice but to remember past memories, because that is pretty much inevitable. You thinking about them means you miss them and you are remembering them. It's good not to forget the good times, but just let go of the bad times as they will only make you feel bad. With time, you'll feel a bit better I hope.

My family fights sometimes too, but mostly it's because my little brother and sister always tease each other a lot so my parents yell at them to stop. Our car rides are kind of the same as yours, except now to keep everyone quiet, my brother plays his DS and my sister watches a movie with the portable DVD player. I usually find something to do otherwise. (our trips to Florida are the hardest because it's about 18-20 hours when we drive).

Well if anything else, I'm here for you if you ever need anyone to talk about things with. :3

I think that was just terrible for your "friends" to go off and talk about their grandparents when they know yours aren't around anymore. You have to stand up for yourself, if you don't they'll keep taking advantage of the situation and make you feel bad. If they were your real friends they would not do that to you. One of my friends plays golf since she lives in a golfing community, I actually think it's pretty fun. People who call themselves your friends should accept what you do and support you. Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel just because your fear rejection and don't want to be left out. Those kind of friends seem like the kind that won't be there for you if you really need them.

I'm really glad that you've been trying to be nice. I only see you as a nice person and I never thought of you in a negative way. We all have bad times and our moments. I know I do for sure, but the way I try to make up for it is by being nice to everyone and trying to be friendly. I don't think anyone deserves so much **** in their life. Please don't let everything get to you, I jope things get better for you soon.

~I like you username. It made me smile when I saw it. Lol you and I both don't like Miley.

~If you ever need to talk about anything at all, I'm here. I hope I helped a bit, and if not, I'm sorry. ^^;

 

Thanks;if I need any advice on high school I'll ask you.
Although I think that's the least of my problem's right now.
I guess it has just been the ambition of going to High School that's scaring me also.

Thanks,I know that a lot of people can and cannot relate to me in this situation.
I do remember past memories;although there aren't many really.
Except for holidays and everything.
Hopefully in time it will be better.

Same.Whenever my sister and I get into arguements my parents jump in;it's quite annoying actually.
It's like,we can't solve our own problems without my parents up our asses.

I know.Most of my "friends" aren't really friends at all.
But I'm sick of crying of it.
Crying over people treating me like **** and me treating them like **** back.
I don't even know who to call friend anymore.

Thanks.I try my best to be positive most of the time.It's just there are times I'm a real ******* to be frank.

Thanks Kites^^
It's good to know that someone listens and cares and tries to help.
It doesn't even matter where the help is from anymore :3

 

Well, I understand everything that's going on here...but I'm afraid you're giving the change from middle-school to high a great importance, while that's good...you shouldn't worry about it at all...most of the time the material is basically the same as middle school, but with added things. Don't think of it as a big change, except for meeting new people and friends. I thought the same, but if you're a good student, then you'll have little to no problems.

I feel sorry about your grandparents, while I haven't gone through all that...I know it would hurt me deeply to lose them. No one is to blame for their deaths, things like this happen...it's not bad to remember them, it's important to do so. I'm sure they loved you enough not to make you feel bad about their deaths.

The only thing you can do about your family, is start a small change in yourself, trying to avoid things that would start conflict. It's hard to do so, but if you set yourself a small goal each day you wake "I won't say bad things to my family" It will go to a time, when you'll feel a change in yourself.

As for feeling Alone...It happens sometimes, think on it, remember things you've forgotten. I think that if you think about some things, then you won't feel so miserable. I know it's hard, but the only way not to feel alone is by putting yourself out there.

I understand how you feel about your friends, but you can't force them to place a hand in their heart every time. If you feel their conversation is a bit harsh state it politely, if that doesn't work, then leave them for a few minutes, and then return when they've stopped.

If you feel these people aren't to be trusted, then just maintain a healthy companionship with them...but as you see how they act, then from there you can deem who is trustworthy or worth the time talking to.

I'm sorry it's turning out so rotten for you, but this also will come to pass, that's a fact of life...Everything comes to pass.

 

High School will be great.


Don't listen to what your friends say about whats cool or not cool, it only depends on what you think. Half of the things i do my friends dont like it or they reject it.

Im sorry about your grandparents. My great grandpa recently died and i bawled my eyes out since i saw him 1 day before he died, and he looked great, he just died in his sleep.

Again about the friends, i think you should find some new ones, not only will it raise your confidence, it will raise your self esteem

 

This is my high school advice:

Along with wht other people have said, High school isn't as bad as they say it is. As long as you have some connections, you'll make it, and make new connections along the way.
With grades, the first year may seem much harder than previous ones, because teachers expect you to be almost ready for college or after high school. It's tough. but after your first year, you'll fly through your classes after you get used to them. I look back on my grades in high school, and my freshamn year had the worst grades. and there was improvement each year and I was able to have all my grades averaged over 93 (our A-) during senior year (yeah our grading system kind of seems messed up A100-93; B92-85; C84-75 D74-70; F69 or lower)

but yeah it should be fine. You'll have a great time. Especially if you participate in extra-cirriculars if you can. It makes you able to make more connections and have a better high school experience. Some people can't do extra-cirriculars, but they still have fun. Take advantage of every opportunity.

For your family, hopefully it's just a phase. And I can't tell you it's going to get better. The best you can do is to hope it doesn't escalate to the extreme. IF you're ever a part of it, just try to breathe and let it go. Honestly, I know it's what everyone says, but it works. I'f avoided countless fights here by just breathing and letting it go. It shouldn't matter if you don't get the last word. To be honest I don't get the last word, because my mom always has to have it. Of course it's hard when she always finds herself the victim in every situation even if it doesn't involve her directly.
Or try to accept their flaws. They make everyone human.

I'm sorry for your grandparents. I understand how it feels to be disconnected from your grandparents. When I was younger, my grandparents lived a couple states away and we only got to see them every few vacations. Just cherish the memories and know that they would be there for you if they could be.

I can say I'm misunderstood by a lot of people. But, when I was called a "hopeless romantic" last week, it felt kind of good knowing that someone might actually get me. I do have to admit I'm pretty mucha hopeless romantic, but hearing it makes it sound like they cared. It came from the least suspecting person. So keep your ears open, you may not be as misunderstood as you thought.

Sorry if I made it sound more like the thread was about me. I was trying to connect the stories.

 

Well, if it's your studying direction that you're unsure of, the only advice I can give you is to choose a field you're actually interested in. Don't look at what's most popular or how many of your friends are going to be doing it. If you head in a direction you don't really care for you'll start feeling ****** somewhere halfway through.
If you already knew this or if it's irrelevant, sorry but that's all I can say.

If you're going to have to make new friends anyway, and believe me you will, you might as well make friends who show no interest in those things anyway. In that case, you don't have to say no. Sounds easier than it is, but that's the trick to it.

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss.
They wouldn't have wanted you to worry beforehand, which shows just how much they loved you. Whether that was the actual best decision no one can say, but it was their wish and that should be respected.

Your sister doesn't mean the things she said. She was consumed by the emotion of the moment, and she says things she probably regrets now. We all say stupid things like that sometimes.
As for your parents, your father wanting to make the best out of things shows that he still cares for your mother's happiness and that he still loves her. He may want to give your mom some time though.

You should try to think about the future when you feel you can handle it. You may want to "prepare" your moments or at least be selective about them. Take a hot bath or something else that relaxes you.

A lot of people here on KHV do support you, including me. We're here to listen and to give you a push when you feel you need one.

If it helps, I don't think you're a bad person, and I thinks many others here feel the same way.

Well your friends are entitled to their opinions about things you like too. Personally I'd rather they say it out loud. It's unfortunate that they don't like the things you do but maybe it's the other way around as well. Maybe you're not really interested in what they care for either. It happens.

As for your grandparents, you should continue to emphasize that you don't appreciate your friends talking about them. That's all I can think of. And you should probably mention them as few times as possible.

Since you're going to high school, you can almost start with a clean slate. You'll have the opportunity to make new friends who stay true to you. I'd seize that chance.

 

First off, Haley you know I love you xD

High School is not something to be scared of, everyone says it is. You shouldn't be scared of this education period in you life. There are times where I wish I could shut myself in & die. But, you should be able to face it, doesn't matter if your friends aren't coming with you. You make new friends. It's effortless, I know you can build confidence in yourself. Just believe it ;D

Yes, you'll be under pressure. Don't let it get to you though. You will be bombarded with questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?" or "What would you like to study in University/College?" and **** like that. Don't let it get to you. If you can't answer any of these answers, tell them you need more time to think. They'll understand, I'm sure...It's nice to see that you're not into the sex, drugs, alcohol & rock n'roll situation. This is an advantage, you will be one step ahead in school and social life. You won't have the constant need to have a smoke or drink.

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandparents. I know what it is like to lose someone you love and hold close to your heart. Unfortunately there is nothing that you could of done to stop the circle of life. Maybe you could've talked to them more often and its not your fault that you didn't. If they wanted to break away from you and your family because they knew they were going to die, all you could do was respect that and talk to them as much as possible. But that's the past isn't it? Don't let it get to you anymore than it has.

Family crisises are bad situations. I'm more than 100% sure your sister didn't mean the things she said. My sister and I fight all the time, in the end, she's my best friend. Because I can insult, emotionally cripple and fight a lot with her, as she can with me. It doesn't change the fact that I share the same DNA with her, she's my sister, and I love her because she's my best-friend. Your father sounds like he really cares and that's important. He still loves your mother and wants a happy life.

Don't we all feel a little bit alone in the world at times? Where we all think that no-one can understand us? I care for you, if anything happened to you, so help me... The way you try to describe it sounds like your under a lot of pressure and stress. Try to relax everytime you feel this way. It's not good for you mental health. Try listening to music or reading, whatever helps you the most.

Friends shouldn't be putting you in a difficult position like that. If I had friends like that (and I have) I wouldnt be grateful at all. Ask yourself, would they be the ones bailing you out of jail or the ones sitting next to you saying That was so ****ing awesome, let's do that again!. I don't mean to bring up old sayings, but just trying to make a point. Ask them if what they're doing is intentional or they honestly forgot/don't know. You'd be able to tell if they're lying or not, I'm sure. Ask them to stop, because it's bothering you and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want this to happen to them. Stand up for yourself girl, you need the extra confidence.

I take you very seriously, regardless of you username. +I liked the usernames you've used. No I don't believe you have a huge ego, are arrogant or are immature. You've been nothing but a great friend to me since I joined the forum, and can't thank you enough for that. I hope your not leaving anytime soon T_T It's not pathetic that you think that, I think some of the friends I have on here are better than my real friends aswell sometimes >:3

Things change and people change. There is nothing you can do about that. Build up some confidence, I know you've got the potential. Now just go on and live life, because it's there waiting to be lived.