Worried about a friend...

Right I’ll cut to the chase, a few nights ago one of my friends admitted she tried a cigarette and drank a few beers. I know it don’t sound too big but she’s only 13. She also said “I’m gunna try get some more (meaning cigarettes) when I next go to my uncle’s I really liked them.” What really got to me is how she said it so casually. I’m worried about her because she don’t give up stuff that she’s likes easily (I rather not go into detail). I promised her I wouldn’t tell her parents and I can’t really tell my own parents because there’ll tell her parents. She can be a bit pressuring when she wants to be so I’m also worried in case she tries to get me to try some. I’ll just like some advice on how to deal with this.

Thanks for any posts on how to help. <3

 

That doesn't sound good at all. Firstly, you seem like you're able to resist any pressure, but I'd be worried for your friend. If it were just a brief moment where she tried some stuff, I'd let it slide, but she wants to get into it again. She does not need a cigarette addiction at 13.

I recommend trying to head her off yourself. Explain that alcohol and cigarettes are horrible addictions to get into, and at her age, alcohol will permanently stunt mental growth. You're her friend, so she may listen to reason. If she doesn't, then you should inform her parents, assuming they'll actually care. The best thing would be to try to get them to agree not to throw your name out there. If you really don't want to break a promise, then you can tell your parents. Sure, it's not following the intent of the promise, as you're informing her parents via your own, but it doesn't violate the wording.

Point out her addictive nature. Point out how alcohol and cigarettes are addictive. Point out how that's like mixing fire and petrol.

For the record, this may just be a phase she's going through, or it may be the start of a slippery slope. So even if you think you're over-reacting, remember that there's a possibility of it being the second one, and your friend hasn't exactly shown strength of character before.

 

As P said, if you can't deter her yourself, you should tell her parents. You have to make a decision of what's more important: your promise, or your friend's health. Breaking a promise isn't an easy thing to do, but if it saves her from becoming an addict before reaching high school, I would think you should tell her parents, or at least your parents. Even if she doesn't appreciate it now, she will in the future.

 

I have tried to explain to her that they both are nasty addictions but each time I’ve tried to tell she shrugged it off or just laughed at me calling me her ‘mother’ and then said I need to stop worrying. I could try telling her parents like you have suggested but I’m the only one as I far I know that she has told so she’ll know it was me. I’m considering telling my parents but I’m worried about their reactions since something like this has happened to my older sister before expect she did try the cigarettes and the alcohol and did get caught by police at the time, they banned from all contact with that group, and wasn’t allowed any commutation devices for 6 months but this also made her an outcast at school. I do understand my parents reaction at my sister but If I do tell them I don’t want to become an outcast at school since my friend is sort of high up on the ‘popularity food chain’ and could easily get people to turn on me.

@Luna- Her health of course. Like I have said in the above paragraph I think it will be kind of hard...I do think if she really did realize the health risk of what shes doing she'll stop but she wont pay really much attention to me or her parents atm

Thank you both for your advice.

 

I think you really have the conflict here of deciding between staying in your friend's good favor or doing what's right for her, even if she resents you for it. I do think you should tell someone, the pure fact that you are concerned tells me that you care for her. If her health is being damaged in anyway you should intervene, especially because she is so young. Yes, she may know that it was you, it may hurt her social standing as it did your sister's, and it may make her hate you for a while. But it's the right thing to do, and hopefully she will be able to see that you were only acting on what you thought was in her best interest.

Good luck. :]

 

Thank you :)
I think I'm gunna try tell my head of year about what shes done and about how shes thinking of doing it again then hopefully my friend will realize that I have tried to help her before it becomes the smoking and drinking becomes addicitions.
Thank you all for the advice :)
This can be locked now..<3

 

Alright; again, good luck! If you need this reopened just let me know.