why do some parents seem to hate their kids for no reason?

like when certain parents hate their children or don't appreciate them, but don't really have a reason for it.

for example, I have two friends.

One of them is a sophomore and her mother hates her. She recently got braces, and her mother only got them for her because her mother was told she needed them. She kept complaining about her teeth and how she hadn't been able to eat because it hurt too much. Our teacher asked why and she said their's no mushy food at her house. when she asked why her mom couldn't go buy some, she replied that her mother hates her and that she's not her little sister. Today I found out that her mother hates her mainly because she was an accident and she "ruined her mother's life" because her mom got pregnant when she was young. how can she blame her for that? her mom was the one who got pregnant at 17. She recently performed with our choir, and her mother said all these wonderful things about the other girls, but criticized her own daughter's beautiful voice. I've heard her sing, she's amazing. I don't know....

And then there's my other friend. She's a junior, like me, and her mother constantly tells her that she can't sing and that she hates her. And she recently got pregnant with her.....7th daughter? Anyway, she calls her a spoiled brat and I know she's not. She also took her class ring away from her. She won't let her use the laptop that she won at school last year, that her mom didn't even pay or sign for, so I don't see why she should be able to do that. Her mom even restricts her use of her ipod touch, which she got from her mother's dead boyfriend.

I'm not trying to sound mean, but I just don't understand adults. Why would they do things like that? I don't see how it's my friend's fault her mother's life turned out so "horrible" and I just don't know how her mother can do all that when she didn't even buy those things (or in the case of the class ring, has no reason to take it).

I hope someone can shed some light on this sort of issue. It's really been bothering me.

Also, I hope this is in the right section and that I didn't ramble, or offend or confuse anyone because I tend to do that.

 

Parents have tough lives sometimes. Raising children is expensive, between getting them what they want and keeping food on the table a roof over their heads, and that struggle doesn't always bring out the best in people. We tend to take our parents for granted sometimes. I wouldn't say that the parents you've described necessarily hate their children; it's a strong word. It's just a complicated situation.

Think about it: if you missed out on life experiences because you screwed up and got pregnant at 17, you'd be pretty upset. This first girl's mother might be blaming her daughter for that instead of herself, and it's true that having a child has drastically changed the mother's life. But putting that on her daughter is uncalled for. As far as that chorus situation goes, perhaps she was trying to help her daughter with critique? I didn't hear what and how she said it so I can't be a judge, but it's possible that she was uncomfortable critiquing the other girls but comfortable doing it with her daughter.

If there's a reason, I think it's fine for a parent to take away a child's possessions (as long as it is within the realm of reason). There might be an underlying cause, like your friend wasn't doing her schoolwork or something.

Then again, I tend to be a bit optimistic.

 

A parent is someone who has take on the responsibility of raising a child. A newly pregnant mother has the first set of choices where she can have an abortion or carry on with the pregnancy. Then comes the stage of carrying on with the pregnancy or giving the child up for adoption.

Basically what I'm saying is, a parent has no right to hate their child. They had plenty of times to opt out, and they didn't. So they have no excuse.

 

This fails to take into account that some people don't understand the commitment involved, no matter how much they think they do. And, like Misty said, hate is a strong word; some parents become easily frustrated with their children because of how difficult it makes their lives. Almost any parent can be made to love their children, the problem is that much of this rests on the shoulders of the parent, who is unreasonable, and the child, who is not cut out to deal with these things. As well, even if the child is wise beyond their years, typically the parent won't listen, thinking themselves above the advice of a kid.

Of course, then, the children tend to respond in poor ways. They'll spit back what they get from their parents or decide to start hating them because they think the feeling is mutual. From there it spirals out of control.