What's the best joke you've eva heard?

I haven't rly heard any that made me rofl for hours...

 

Women's Rights.

 

How do you find the whole population of Mexico?

Drop a quarter.

How do you find the richest man in Mexico?

Find the man who found the quarter.

 

**** you I was gonna post that :c

 

How do you stop a clown from smiling?

Spoiler

Hit it with an axe.

 

suprisingly that did make me laugh for a while :V

 

OMG thats funny!

 

What did the florist do when she saw a child picking up a rubber ball outside her store?

Spoiler

She ran outside, kicked him in the ribs, and screamed maniacally until the police arrived to detain her.

 

I'm thirsty and I need seventy-five cents.

That's what she said.

 

Q: Why did the young boy touch himself at night?

A: He was shot in his stomach and was trying in vain to stop the bleeding.




... 8D

 

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?

You tell her the joke on Monday


What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up

 

If you're walking through the desert and the wheels fall off your canoe, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

13- because baseballs don't have babies.

 

A very rich man had a son. He was very proud of his son. The son was smart and diligent and did well in school. On the son's 16th birthday, the father went to his son and said "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your 16th birthday." The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 1,000 green golf balls. The father was taken aback. "But son, that's such a strange request! Might I remind you that I'm VERY rich, and I could buy you ANYTHING your heart desires?!" But the son was adamant, and his father, though confused, honored his son's request. Some years later the son graduated from college at the top of his class. His father, once again beaming with pride, came to his son. "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you for your college graduation." The son, without hesitation, asked his father for 2,000 green golf balls. The father once again was confused, and a bit angry. "Son, that's a ridiculous request! I'm offering to buy you ANYTHING you want! I'm a very rich man, and almost NOTHING is beyond my requisition! So please, reconsider, and tell me what you REALLY want!" But the son was adamant, and his father, though bewildered and frustrated, honored his son's request. Years later, the son, following in his father's footsteps, was a very successful businessman. He'd married a beautiful wife and borne his father many wonderful grandchildren. One night as they ate dinner in an expensive restaurant, his father said to his son, "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I am a very rich man and since you have made me so proud I will buy you ANYTHING you ask me to buy you in honor of your fantastic success and wonderful family." Once again without blinking his son asked for 3,000 green golf balls. Enraged, his father slammed his hands on the table and yelled, "WHY MUST YOU MOCK MY GENEROSITY SO?! FINE; YOU'LL HAVE YOUR STUPID GOLF BALLS, BUT YOU HAVE LOST YOURSELF A FATHER!" And so the trade was made; the son's strange request for the animosity of his once-doting father. Several years later, the father and the son not having spoken once since, the father got a call from a hospital informing him that his son had gotten into a terrible car accident and was dying. Forgetting all about his grudge against his son, the father flew down to his son's side in a flash. His son was conscious for the first time in days as his father arrived. "Son, you are the apple of my eye and I'm very proud of you. I'm so sorry for disowning you! I know I never should have! I'm so sorry for the years we've lost! But I must know, son, why did you want all those green golf balls; those wretched orbs that drove us apart?! Surely you had a grand design for them; you're the perfect son and I could not have asked for anything more in the world than you!" His son, on death's door, looked into his father's eyes and said weakly, "Well, father, I-" And then he died.

 

Answering machine at a mental hospital

Hello and welcome to the mental health hospital

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatdly
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you
If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call
If you are delusional, press 7 and u will be taken to the mother ship
If you areschizophrenic, listen to the little voice telling you wich button to press
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button yuo press, no one will answer
If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696969696
If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just screw it up

 

One day, Little Timmy asked his mother this question, "Mommy, why are boys and girls different?" She responded, "You're adopted and Santa Claus is dead."

 

that is all

 

What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table?

Spoiler

Carbon, because it forms the backbones of many energy rich sugars.

 

Something my sister's friends once said that she had..

''A fake flying toaster in her pocket'' that made me laugh like crazy ^^

 

I HAVE A GOOD JOKE >:O

Q: Are any of these jokes actually funny

A:

Spoiler

Yes, yes they are...

 

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to a chicken.