I'm terribly sorry I haven't been active lately, and I only come back to talk about my problems and just float around. But that's not my problem (just saying sorry). My problem is... Gah. How to summarize this... Due to other problems in my life, I have become a rather, um... Not really hate-filled. More like, anger-filled person. Due to how I was raised, I learned to bottle up that anger. But while the anger was building up inside, I apparently, unconsciously made some alternate persona. This alternate persona is filled to the brim with anger and cynicism, so I tend to criticize people and myself a lot. In a sense, this makes me become a better person (since I know what my bad points are and I can improve on them) and saves me from emotional pain (like, if a friend suddenly leaves me). Problem is... I noticed that along with the anger and cynicism this persona has... I apparently gave it sadism. So now... I have... Urges. To hurt people when they do something wrong. Actually, not just hurt. It kind of escalated as of late, the urge. Though, I still have my morals, so I haven't actually hurt anyone (I have hurt/killed animals though, as in like bugs and shrimps... and a bird, by accident. Thing is, I've killed them in horrible ways, like burning... or crushing then burning). I'm just scared that maybe, I might lose control and actually, really hurt someone. Not just like punch or slap hurt. Knife, blunt weapon, bleeding profusely hurt. And it doesn't help that I'm learning combat (self-defense, swear. Though a small part of me likes the idea of threatening--gah, I'm a horrible person...). What is wrong with me? What should I do? I know I should get rid of the sadist part, but I don't really know how...
Well, it's good you've asked for help. Honestly i'm a little unsure of how well my advice would be for this situation, but i'm going to give it a shot anyway. First up, while bottling up your anger CAN be good, it results in a gigantic explosion of anger eventually, which could very well injure someone emotionally or physically if you're not careful. Find a way to vent out this anger, whether it's by exercise, talking to somebody you trust, the way doesn't matter too much. Just make sure you do vent it. I wish i could help more, but i'm really not good with this sort of thing. Sorry about the bad advice.
Oh, no, no, it's okay! I greatly appreciate that you want to help. ^^ Sadly, though, I have found a way to vent my anger, yet the urges to hurt still arise every now and then, if not more frequently than usual... Still, I appreciate your concern~.
Well when I become angry beyond control I usually just grab my MP3 player and go walk outside while listening to some music so I can control my emotions, and if that doesn't work I go play my Xbox, and if that doesn't work I just go and talk to a friend, and if that doesn't I talk to my mom or someone close to me. So pretty much you have many choices it's just that it all depends on which is the most effective. Don't worry though, you'll learn to control it, it's not impossible and it's not that difficult. Just use some willpower.
I sort of had something like this, I use to get this urge to hurt animals and people who I know couldn't stop me, telling us about this is your first step to getting over it, if you can even pin point what get's you mad you might even be able to step back, think of away to relax yourself and get rid of any anger you have, and if you have a friend you trust enough, try talking to them, venting is an harmless (almost) way of getting rid of anger
Well maybe wen u feel like u need to hurt some one u should try this it out: Like "how would this person feel If I hurt them" "would I like it I they did this to me?" Somethig sorta like that Srry if this wasn't that much help All the best~
well, talking with someone you trust can help; in the case of this getting out of control, see a professional... Don't forget this: You can control yourself, don't let this other "you" hurt people, you have the control over him because he may be a part of you, but you know which part is stronger, is the "truly" stronger part. I'm sorry I couldn't be of so much help, but I do hope everything gets better for you.
You sure you don' t get it backwards ? Does it save you from emotional pain or does it just help you to ignore it (or to think you did) ? You used the word "persona" yourself, isn' t a persona the mask we show publicly to appear as we' d like to be seen and conceal what' s really going on inside ? Knowing its own bad points is a strength, wrongly self-depreciating oneself is a weakness, the line between those two can get really blurry. If you really want to know what your bad points are try to find where all this anger comes from. Venting out would only treat the symptoms for a while, you should try to fight the disease. Once you know what makes you angry confront it. I' m sure you can come up with a non-violent way to make a stand and change your situation, or to find some peace regarding things you have no control over. If it' s too hard to do it on your own then ask around for advice. I hope that helped, good luck !
Hmmmm...you're keeping anger inside, right? Why not release when alone? Maybe in your room, you know? Punch a pillow, watch funny Youtube videos, get some food. Scream and let it all out.
I didn't even get notifications or anything for replies to this thread... XD But thanks, all of you. I'll try and see what happens. P.S: Well, yes. It is a mask, but to be honest, I'm sometimes just not sure. And yes, I'm also pretty sure because when I think about it, I just feel numb, technically... In relation to that last line; true... But I do a bit of both. XD I'm so mean to myself. I'm pretty sure at this point I do indeed need a therapist... Or a hitting sport. Anyways, again, thanks much~
Glad to hear it love, I hope you are able to get it all sorted out. Most people just need someone to talk to, if you ever have any more problems you know you can come to us.
I am against getting an official therapist, but you should find someone who can act as one. It would be a bad idea to get labeled with anything. Is this feeling a bloodlust kind of feeling, or an angry kind of feeling?
