My three "friends" are no longer a concern to me, two of them are girls who I thought were friends are nothing to me, they have never really cared, they used to be friends with me back then but I guess people can change on you easily. The third one is my 1st cousin who I thought I could call family but he's not meant to be called family, he doesn't deserve it in my eyes. My dad passed away a year ago, and I do talk about him but he tells me that I shouldn't talk about him and that I shouldn't let the fact that he's dead slow me down. I don't let his death slow me down, and I try so much to make him understand that there's circumstances at home that prohibit me from doing the things I need to do and want to do. He's able to do all of those things because he still has all of his parents, they're both successful, and then he had nerve to tell me his dad's dad had died and he never knew him and he said he turned out fine BUT I'm not his dad, times are different, circumstances are different but he tells me I'm making an excuse. I never had a good bring up, I was spoiled but I also had limitations, those limitations were for me to stay away from bad influences, which meant I had to play video games mostly, I went outside but I never stayed out much, basically my life was kept indoors mostly. So I had to learn about the world from the inside and not the outside, but I am a quick learner. I don't want to distance myself from him because my dad also did that to all of his family members, he only kept his intermediate family close, and he had his reasons. But I just feel that I want to be away from him, I don't hate him, but I don't like him either. The second thing is my feelings for the girl I am in love with are back up but not all of them are up, I have complete control, I won't like go blurting all of my feelings out to her or anyone else, the most I do is talk about the little things about my feelings for her. I do love her, and I can't escape from that, she has a hold on me that I can't release. My love for her has begun to influence me to do the things I need to do when I can't do them, but they are working out either way. My willpower is coming back quickly and it's only gonna become stronger, but so will my feelings for her. I can't apologize for my feelings for Miranda, the girl I like, I can't apologize for not getting over her, I can pretend but it hurts a person if you pretend that you don't have any feelings for the girl/boy you like. I decided to accept the feelings, not to run away from them, I can have the feelings as long as I don't jeopardize the friendship I have with her. That's what I decided to do for now on, go on loving her for now and treat her as a friend, nothing more, and enjoy my single-ness as my good friend Amethyst Heart told me lol. That's all I have to say, discuss your thoughts on this information. I'm curious as to what you guys think about this.
What are you looking for? I am curious as to why you're pushing your friends away. Did they do something? Or is it because you don't feel they understand what you're going through? If it's the latter, if they've never lost someone as close to them as a parent, you can't blame them. Such a loss is unimaginable; you only understand it after someone has passed away. It's common when you're going through something tough to push people away, but doing so is only going to hurt you. If you have legitimate reasons for breaking your ties with them, that's one thing, but take caution before you burn that bridge. Give them a fair chance. As for your feelings for this girl, why didn't it work out before? Did she reject you? If so, and you don't believe her feelings have changed, it's simply time to move on. I know that's easier said than done but it's not worth pining over someone that either doesn't have feelings for you or simply doesn't want to date you. There are other fish in the sea.
I'm basically looking for some kind of understanding, but if you would get to know my cousin you can tell he would upset you. As for the other two friends, they haven't shown ANY signs of respecting me so I don't care to try to respect them any longer. I try to tell each of them how I feel about it but it's like I don't wanna talk about that. So I figured why keep trying to sympathize with them whereas they can't do it with me. Regarding the girl, she has actually started showing signs of getting feelings for me, she says that she has full trust in me and she said she likes how I help people and that I'm willing to listen to other people's problems. She said other things but basically nothing negative, so I'm guessing she could be having feelings I don't know. I'm not a girl so I wouldn't know really lol
