Welcome to the Lives of Organization XIII (Humor, PG-13)

My new fanfiction: 'Welcome to the Lives of Organization XIII'. For all your Cannablism needs! Randomness ahead and mild swearing.

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Chapter 1: Tour of Castle Oblivion

Roxas stood on the porch of Castle Oblivion, a base of the mysterious group named Organization XIII. He’s been accepted as the new member of the Organization. Today was January the 1st. The two large doors opened reveiling a man with blue hair and a scar on his face.

“Hello, WHO ARE YOU!†he shouted.

“Umm, I’m the new member of the Organization, Roxas. I have my invitation here.†Roxas said nervously pulling out a small letter out of his trouser pocket.

The man stepped aside and let Roxas in.

“We’ve been expecting you, MY NAME’S SAIX!â€

"Er. Nice to meet you. Why are you shouting though?"

"Berserk problems. COME IN!"

Roxas looked around the giant entrance hall. There was a large set of stairs, two corridors and a fountain in the middle. Down the stairs came a man with silver hair and red eyes. He went up to Saix and pushed him into the fountain. Get Saix soaked.

“Sorry about that No.13, Saix is a bit aggressive. I’m Xemnas, the leader of the Organization.â€

Roxas and Xemnas shook hands. Just then Xemnas’ phone went off. He got it out and spoke into it.

“Yes Zexion? What is it?â€

Roxas heard some mumbling coming from the phone but he couldn’t make out what the man named Zexion was saying.

“What do you mean Riku stole your wallet? How are we supposed to buy Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children now?â€

More mumbling then Xemnas said. “You can’t steal it! We’re already on the ropes with Blockbuster! Remember when we brought Star Wars: Attack of the Clones and after we watched it we went back and Axel set all of the copies on fire?â€

Saix regained his posture and dried himself himself off.

More mumbling. “Whatever, you just find out a way to get the movie.â€

Xemnas threw his phone at Saix's forehead which sent him flying towards the fountain again.

“Anyway Roxas, let me give you the grand tour.â€

Roxas smiled. “Cool.â€

Saix once again got up and went into the kitchen. “Get a fountain, Demyx said. Make the place look nicer, Demyx said. Saix, stop kicking me, Demyx said.†Saix said to himself.


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Roxas and Xemnas walked though one of the corridors. Roxas saw a middle-aged white haired guy on a ladder with a hammer in his hand. At the bottom of the ladder was a late-10’s early 20’s guy with red spiky hair. The redhead was examing one of his Chakarams.

“Axel!†Xemnas said to the redhead.

"I didn't kill Grandma!" Axel said jumping in surprise. He accidently threw his chackram which went sawing though one of the ladder’s legs. Sending the ladder toppling with the white haired man still on it.

“Oops.†Axel whispered.

“Axel, you have to be more careful with those things. You could poke out Xigbar’s other eye.†Xemnas said.

“Sorry. Who’s the new kid?â€

“This is Roxas, our 13th member. Roxas this Axel, the Flurry of Dancing Flames.â€

Roxas shot Axel a dodgy look. “I’m so sick of that damn name!†Axel went into a dark portal and disappeared

“Okay…†Roxas murmured.

“Let’s continue, this guy who is bleeding on the floor is Luxord. The English part of the Organization. He’s pretty normal, expect for one thing.â€

“What?†Roxas asked.

“He doesn’t buy anything American.â€

“Why?â€

“He once brought an American Furbie when he was 13. One day, the Furbie killed all his family, expect for Luxord.â€

Roxas gasped. “That’s horrible!â€

Xemnas laughed. “I know! That’s why it’s so funny!â€


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“Right then Roxas, this is Demyx.†Xemnas said holding his palm out to the member named Demyx.

“Hi Demyx.†Roxas said.

Demyx looked from his sitar and looked at Roxas.

“This is my room!†Demyx said in a 5 year-old tone.

“Err… Yeah I know.†Roxas said confusingly.

Demyx reached under his bed and pulled out potato and begun eating it.

“This Potato smells like Marluxia’s flowers.†Demyx said in his childish voice.

“Umm, okay…â€

“Sorry about this Roxas. Demyx is normally quite normal but every Tuesday he acts like an idiot.†Xemnas explained.

“Bunnies taste nice!â€

“I think we should go Roxas.†Xemnas said.

“AHHH, THIS HORSE IS BROKEN!†Demyx said swinging his Sitar at Roxas.

Xemnas opened a dark portal and He and Roxas ran into it.


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Xemnas and Roxas were back in the entrance hall, gasping for air.

The front doors opened to a 19 year-old who had blue hair and a slightly depressed look to him.

“Ahh, Zexion, you’re back! I trust you got the movie?â€

“Yes, Xemnas.†Zexion said.

“Excellent.†Xemnas walked over to a table with a mic on it. “Attention everyone! Will all of you slaves, er, I mean, brothers come to the TV area please.†Xemnas said.

Demyx was there first being chased by a blonde man with a syringe in his hand.

“HELP, VEXEN WANTS TO HURT ME!†Demyx shouted.

“STAY STILL, THIS WILL TURN YOU BACK TO NORMAL!†Vexen shouted.

Demyx ran towards Roxas, he stepped aside and stuck his leg out, tripping Demyx over. Before he could get up Vexen inserted some kind of fluid into him. Demyx stayed quiet for a minute then he got up and brushed himself off.

“Whew! Thanks Vexen.†Demyx said in his normal voice.

Vexen sighed and sat on one of the two large couches which were opposite the very large TV. Demyx did the same.

The next two were a black haired guy with dreadlocks holding a spear while the other was orange haired and was holding a Tomahawk. They were both fighting each other with their weapons.

“You’re a fool Xaldin. Family Guy is the funniest.†The orange guy said.

“You must be stupid Lexeaus, if you don’t think South Park is the funniest.†Xaldin said.

“Enough you two. We all know Simpsons is the best and always will be. Now sit down!†Xemnas said.

“But…†the two said.

“Sit.†Xemnas said again.

Xaldin and Lexeaus did as they were told.

The next duo was a blonde girl and purple haired guy holding some sort of gigantic plant where one of the leafs where as big as Axel’s spiky head.

The girl sat down on the couch without saying a word while the flower guy walked up to Roxas.

“You must be the new kid, Roxas, I’m Marluxia.â€

“Hi, umm, what is that thing?†Roxas asked.

“Oh this? Larxene and I were trying to make the world’s biggest Carnivorous Fly Trap.â€

One of the Fly Trap’s leafs opened and tried to eat Roxas’ head.

“GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!†Roxas said screaming while the plant covered his head.

“Aww, I think it likes you!†Marluxia said.

Axel came in and saw what was happening. “If you don’t get that plant off Roxas right now I’ll burn it.â€

Marluxia gasped and took the plant off Roxas and put it on the window ledge for ‘dinner time’.

He and Axel then sat down on the couch.

The last two were coming into the TV room. One of them was Saix who had Luxord over his shoulder. The other was a guy with black hair and an eye patch.

“DON’T CALL ME SCARFACE, XIGBAR!†Saix shouted as he punched Xigbar.

Xigbar summoned one of his guns and tried to shoot Saix but narrowly missed.

Larxene took two darts from her cloak and fired them exactly at the hands of the two men. Xigbar dropped his gun as a result.

“We’ll settle this another day Saix.†Xigbar said.

They both sat down followed finally by Xemnas, Roxas and Zexion. The order was like this.

Xigbar-Vexen-Demyx-Lexeaus-Larxene-Marluxica Roxas-Xemnas-Zexion-Xaldin-Saix-Axel-Luxford

After they all watched the movie Xemnas stood up. “Okay everybody, tomorrow we meet up with Spectre, Xyarrh and Coraxind for our mission to kill the President and gain control over America. Only then will we get access to our hearts. You may go back to your rooms now.â€

Everybody did so. Marluxia picked up his ‘plant’ on the way. “Don’t worry, Sephiroth isn’t going to kill you.†He reassured his plant.

Roxas was walking down the hallway to his new room when he saw Axel there.

“Hey Roxas! Do you wanna play Super Smash Bros.?â€

“Sure!â€


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“Mr. Bush. I have 12 men who are very dangerous!†“If you don’t give in to our demands of having control of the Coca-Cola Company, then we’ll have too make you comply.†Xemnas said to the TV which had the President on screen.

“Dangerous? Are these the twelve you’re talking about?â€

The TV turned black and white as it showed different security videos of the Organization.

No.9: Demyx, was at a high street, running around like a maniac. “I Demand Funnel Cake!â€

No. 12: Larxene, threw one of her darts in the air. It fell back down and stabbed her head.

No. 8: Axel, was in a toy shop burning all the Pogo sticks. “They’re evil I tell you!â€

No.3: Xaldin was in a nursery shouted swears at all the babies.

No.5: Lexeaus, was in a men’s clothes shop asking the till keeper, “Excuse me, do you know where my underwear is?â€

No.6: Zexion, was pulled over by the police in his Lexus.

“Do you know how fast you where going?†the policeman said.

“Do you know how ugly you look?†Zexion replied.

"Step out of the car." The Policeman said calmly.

Zexion did so and put his hands in the air. When the Officer walked up to him, Zexion kneed him in the crouth and ran away.

No.2: Xigbar, was in a bank and was about to shot the bank manager when his gun backfired on his eye. “Shoddy American workmanship!†(So THAT’S how it happened.)
.4: Vexen was in a newsagents monologing. “Ah ha! Finally! My death potion is complete. Boy I’m thirsty.†And he took a gulg of his potion. “Oh Crap.â€

No.7: Saix, was standing up to a 4-year old holding an ice cream. “I’m going to kick your a**!â€

No.11: Marluxia was outside a plant shop protesting. “Plant Slavery must stop!â€

No.10: Luxford was in a liquor store. "I'll just have some lemonade for the moment please."

The TV turned off leaving Xemnas all alone.

“I’m screwed.â€

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Hoped you liked it, review please. Chapter 2 tomorrow.