Virtual Relationships

• Something worth noting before all else, by "relationship" I am not referring strictly to those of the romantic variety, but rather... any relationship, friendship or not. Not necessarily limited to purely romantic relations or the sating of fleshly urges.
• And also, section this thread is in feels slightly off. Not just help with life per se, but up for discussion too. Hmmm... which section to assort it into...

Wishing to meet a good friend of mine offline - have been in strong, consistent contact for some time now, at least a year or so. Those who frequent Voxli, or who know me, will probably know who I am speaking of right away, lucky you. A real, face to face meeting; would require so much trust from both parties, to be okay with meeting this stranger that is yet somehow not a stranger. Unfortunately for me, she lives across the country, and parents are less than willing to allow me to see her. For the obvious reasons, and this warrants a quote from HeIsDead (and yes, Alex, I do memorize quotes, be very afraid, everything that you say is stored in the database), "hurr durr everyone on the internet is a child rapist." <--- parents' thought process

Becomes problematic when you are as young as I, cannot make it there on my own. Would need parents' assistance, but they won't assist. Have friends, but all of them are long distance; two offline friends that have long since gone and moved, two e-friends. And I find it insulting that one of the first questions my mother asked was, "Is this girl your lover?"

How supportive of you, mother. Almost as if she were mocking my serious tone, as if a mere friendship could not possibly be enough to stir up such emotion within me. If it was a joke, was not funny, not exactly laughing material. Ask only to be turned down, and this is why I do not consult my parents for anything important. But now we are getting off topic, beside the point, what I really want to hear...

Personal experiences. Ever met any e-friends? If so, how did it go? Colorful and vivid examples, details included, would be much appreciated. Much more to be said, but will end it here for now.

 

I've never met anyone offline that I've met online who lives a distance away from my city. Considering numerous things, especially your age, it's hard to say how you would cross the country, and since your parents won't consent, I doubt you'll be able to do it. I would, if you are really wanting to do this, have your parents talk to her parents over the phone or something, maybe even webcam if you have one, they can talk that way, even get to know each other a little bit better that way.

I have a friend named Erin who lives about six hours away from me, on the other side of Dallas. We've never actually met in real life before, but we do have each other's Facebook and we talk on the phone all the time. If I were to ask my mom and dad permission to go visit her, I'm sure they'd be fine with it, as long as they met and/or talked to her parents first about it, an in depth conversation would be the only acceptable talk. However, since I'm seventeen, they would be quicker to give me permission than if I were your age.

I wouldn't know what else to tell you but to keep trying to talk you parents into it.

 

My father does not support me keeping in touch with her even online, gave me a menacing stare last time I went so far as to even mention her; and though my mother encourages me staying penpals with this friend of mine, she is not up for it getting any deeper than that. Online relationships have the potential to be deep and meaningful, but not as deep as they could be. There is so much lost, so much that could be gained were I to meet her offline. Internet won't suffice as the basis forever, not if both of us yearn for more significance.

Have tried more than once to persuade them, but they remain unaffected. My mother is playing some horrible stunt, swells my hope up by being indirect. When asking if I can visit her, my mother's response is "We'll talk about this later," but how later is "later"? Implies that there is still some chance left of it happening, makes me hope, she avoids giving clear-cut answers.

And surely you know who this girl is, think you do...

Speak of the devil, mother kicking me off the computer now. Hoping this thread doesn't garner too much attention, at least not now, would rather respond to postings one at a time. Slowly.

 

Right now the most you can do is probably just buckle down and wait. Going across the country, first of all, is probably not terribly cheap; if that's part of your parents' concern, you could always offer to pay for it. Whether or not you'll be able to come up with the money I'm unsure of, as I don't know if you have a job or not, but if money is an issue that will hopefully solve it.

If it's an issue of them not trusting you (or your friend), I have to echo Saxima and say that having your parents talk with her parents may help. Additionally, you may have to allow them to accompany you on this meeting, as awful as that may sound. They only want you to be safe.

Personally though, I've never met any online friends offline. I have considered it with a few people, but I know my mom wouldn't allow me to go out of the way to travel there, and the concept kind of frightens me a little. If one I was very close to was in the area though I think I would.

Didn't see this while I was typing my reply. D:

I was in a similar boat for a while, my mom discovered my habit of talking to "strangers" online a few years back. It's taken all that time (I'd say about four years) for her to become comfortable with it. Really it depends on your parents exactly, but it might help to really sit them down and explain to them why you talk to them, how you know it's safe, how you're careful about it, etc etc.

 

I do know who you're talking about. And you seem to be stating this relationship to be more than what it actually is.

If you're parents aren't going to budge on the matter, there's really no need to keep trying to persuade them into letting you take a visit to her. They're very immovable on their choice it seems and the only explanation I can give you for this is that it's because of how young you are.

 

I've met a very close friend/boyfriend from here; The Fuk?, in real life, after knowing him for a full year. I actually think the weekend he first came here was the year anniversary. He came again that New Years, and we had a lot of experiences. If I could do it again, I would. It was very strange to meet him for the first time, knowing him so well, yet never seeing his face.
We never webcam'd, but talked on the phone almost every night. We got to know eachother really well, and we stayed to together for another almost whole year.
But now, we're not together anymore. That's not the point, but I think you should maybe try to meet halfway with him before one of you go the whole way.
And, you should make sure with your parents, if you live with them, what exactly you're doing. Don't lie, that only makes things more complicated in the end. How old are you two? I just want to guess that you defiantly aren't out on your own. You sound from Voxli that you're about 15, maybe 16. Excuse me if I'm wrong. I've never really heard HeIsDead before, but I'd like to guess he's a little older.
Just be smart about it, don't be stupid.
I like the idea of you two getting together, it's exciting. I actually approve of it. I remember a bunch of KHV members met in New York; Advent, Wolfie, Rayku, Xaale, and I think a few others. I heard it was quite the experience, and I stalk watch them make plans to get together all the time.

 

There are plenty of members from this forum that have met their friends in real life. Some of them were old enough to do as they please but others still needed some permission from their parents of course.
The best thing to do is to not sour any relationships you have with your parents. You might achieve your goal by being reckless and hasty, but in the long run things might get problematic.
Like Saxima stated, letting them get to know the person will ease them into the whole idea. They don't have to become all buddy buddy, but at the very least let them have some idea of who you're having conversations with.
They may seem stubborn about letting you travel now, but as long as you remain diligent and keep pursuing your goal, they'll see that you're serious about this. Parent's just want to keep your best interests in mind.

 

Is it sad that my mom has more internet friends than me? She's completely fine with talking to complete strangers on the internet....

Anywho, I met a girl once online, she was actually the daughter of a friend of the family. We don't see said friend much so I didn't know she existed till about 2 years ago now. We talked for months on facebook, the phone, etc, got to know each other and got along great. We met up when we went over to visit said friend. We hit it off great, it was like meeting someone you had known forever(the first few mins were "Hiya....hey there..." Then it was perfectly normal). After awhile we started dating for about 3 months. Then.......I could probably make my own thread about what the two-faced, conniving, b!tch did. Let's jut say, it didn't end well.

As for you Laria, I can't say exactly what you can do. If she lives so far away then it really makes it hard. Do your parents have any reason to go to where she lives? Her vice versa with her own parents? If not the reason to go makes it difficult for your parents, travel expenses being a huge blow. Maybe you could try to get your parent and hers talking, go vacation near the same place. Just throwing out ideas.

 

I met FuzzyBlueLights this month, after having been talking to him on the Internet for five years. And he's my boyfriend, and he lives on the other side of the US. He took me to my prom, and it was the best week of my life.

However, he's Nineteen and I'm Eighteen. And I forced him and my mother to talk. They have each other on Facebook and everything. I forced them. He and I are at an age where...It wouldn't have mattered what my mom said, or his mom said, we were going to meet. We paid for the ticket. We both sold our PS3s and video games, and paid for everything ourselves. He slept in our basement. We had a webcam discussion where my mom and his mom sat down and spoke.

Before any of this meeting stuff came up, though, he and I both allowed our families to interact. Whenever his mom was around, he'd hand the phone to her and I'd say hello. It became obvious, on both sides, that he and I were very set on meeting each other one day, and that we were very close. But he and I had taken the time and effort to make sure our families...KNEW us. So when I said, "He wants to take me to prom." There was no, "Who is this??" "HE'S A RAPIST." interrogations. It was just, "Oh. Are you paying for it?" "Yes." "Alright. No sex."

Anyways. Whatever you do, like previously stated, be honest. Tell everything. No secrets. And let them warm up to each other. :/ They won't trust her if they don't know anything about her or her family, you know. D: ​

 

Virtual Friendship

Ummm... know I said that I would be off, but I snuck back on the iPad just to read the newest replies. Was viewing as a guest, but this reply compelled me to log back in. Need to set this straight. Either you misread, or I worded poorly and screwed you over. This has nothing to do with HeIsDead, was quoting from him, the thought pattern that traverses through most parents' heads on e-relationships, which is "hurr durr everyone on the internet is a child rapist."

By "relationship" I don't mean it in how it is commonly used, not romantically. Perhaps I should have titled this thread "Virtual Friendship" instead, so as to avoid confusion...

That's all for now, getting off now. For real. Will reply to the rest of you tomorrow, typing on touchscreen is so much work.

Oh yeah, and I am 13-yr-old, for those who didn't know. Surprised if you didn't, it is widely known, isn't it...

 

Myself and Bushy-Brow-1992 have known each other for around 3 years, and have met up twice during that time. Both times we've enjoyed the day as much as we can, and when the days were ended we simply continued our friendship through our usual manners; phone and internet. So far he hasn't attempted to rape me on those days, so I'd say it's safe so long as you have spoken to them at least voice-to-voice, which I'm presuming you have. Admittedly, I am now 19, and he only a couple of months my younger, so our case may not help you as much as I'd like, but my example is still here.

In regards to what you might do; perhaps Misty's suggestion of sitting down and explaining it all to them warrants some thought. If they don't budge, even after that, then it likely is just because of your age, and so you should just continue being serious about wanting to meet your friend. Eventually, they should either come around to the idea, or give up trying to stop you.

 

Any form of relationship can start online. The last girlfriend I had, I spoke to her online before I met her. (Though we actually lived close to eachother). However, I have several online friends I'd love to meet, and many who I probably will. Most my online friends now are from thte US. I live in Norway, but I'm moving this fall and I see nothing wrong with me meeting them.
Then again, I'm (soon) 20 years old, and that is very different from being 13.

Thing is though, if you're 13, your parents are, as mentioned, worried about you. Even though many parents are (imo unnecessarily) paranoid when it comes to the internet, they don't believe they do anything but protect you, which in some cases, they would actually be doing.

It's extremely annoying, but I think the ones who have replied got it pretty much down, though. I know it's annoying, but there's not much you can do except wait...

 

As Rissy said, I've met up with some of my closest friends from here. Last October I went to the New York ComiCon with Advent and Rayku, at that point I believe we had known each other for two or three years. Since then we've met up with each other a few more times, and we're planning to meet up with several more people from the area (like Xaale) sometime this month.
I also just got back from a trip to England, during which I spent about five days with Fayt-Harkwind. He's been my boyfriend of almost two years now, but because of the massive distance between us (I live in the northeast US) it's taken this long for us to finally see each other. Despite the initial shyness both of us had, we got along just as well as we do online, and I'm pretty sure it was the best week of my life. We are both eighteen though, so that likely has to do with the fact that our parents were okay with us spending time together. My mom was also okay with him staying in the same hotel room as us, but again, that probably has to do with age.
We did a lot of stuff together, like go to the zoo, some interesting museums, and seeing a movie, but the downside to this (and getting close with any online friend that's not near you) is that you will probably miss the person very much when they're not around. I do miss Advent and Rayku since they're like brothers to me, but they're only a train ride away, whereas Fayt is a long trip across the Atlantic. But was the six/seven hour plane ride worth it? Yes, every bit of it.

I was active on KHV around the same age you are now, and while I did want to meet up with a lot of my friends, my parents had a lot of reservations as well. In this situation it really does seem to just be a case of waiting until you're a bit older, because yeah, parents will be cautious about the internet.
What I found that worked pretty well was that after I told my parents about KHV, I mentioned things about the friends I wanted to meet up with every so often. Funny things, little details, stuff like that. Just so my parents sort of got to "know" the friends beforehand. Things like Facebook don't hurt either, if parents see that the person is real (proof via their wall, photos, etc.) they may be more willing to let you go meet the friend(s).
It can be awkward to tell your parents about KHV/whatever website applies for you at first (unless they already know), but if you really want to meet up with said person, I'd say start with that and then move from there. You may have to wait another year or two until your parents feel more comfortable with you/them knowing the person, which really does suck, but if you're really good friends with this person it will be worth the wait, believe me.
Good luck. :]

 

I lol'd at this...
I haven't got you... YET! *cough*
anyway.


~

Laria, now for talking about the important stuff.

What Dark said is true.
But I have also happened to meet up with Protecter212 from this site on one such occasion.
Admittedly it was anime expo, and that was where I met him AND DarkTraitor (although, as Dark revealed, I knew him for a long while before hand anyway) both in person... (and theres the fact we're both over 18 and quite frankly, just tend to ignore our parents to death now'a'days... :P)

Anyway, an idea could be...
Do you and your friend have a similar interest where an event might be held?
A favourite band perhaps where they might hold a concert or whatever?
Or even like me, an anime expo or something?
Admittedly, it could be pretty costly and judging your age and your parents, they still might be even reluctant for that.
But it could be a basis for a meeting.
If it's an event in between that allows both parties to travel, both who have mutual interest, it could be the perfect scene to meet up?
Even if your parents are with you for both of you, that could just be an opportunity for them to get to know each other and make sure everything is cool.
Otherwise... I'd suggest taking the advice already given.
Again, Jayn's example was a great one (although as she also said, her and Fuzzy's age could have been a factor in it's success) but regardless... it's either got to be something mentioned really.
Or you'll have to wait until you are at an age where your parents can't stop you.
Besides, if you've then known them for even more years and your parents know that you've been intent on meeting this person for that long... then that could be a factor that allows them to see you anyway.

But, alas, I have waffled on long enough.
I wish you luck with this.

 

I don't think I've met up with anyone I met online, I met my sisters ex-fiance who she met online but that's about it. I get very annoyed when I talk to my real life friends about my online friends, they all of a sudden think everyone I speak to is out to rape me, the problem is I'm very trusting, it hasn't harmed me yet but I fear it will one day.

My best friend ended up meeting up with someone she met online- however it turned out he wasn't who he said he was, he was infact a she who was in love with my friend. They got on well though and stayed friends until a huge fall out not that long ago. Nothing bad happened to my friend but it was safe to say the 'guy' she met online was stalking her. So do be careful and understand your parents concerns. A main reason for this could also be how we only ever hear of stories where someone was harmed by someone they met online, you never hear the ones that actually work since they aren't news.

Anyway, my suggestion would be either wait until you are a bit older so you can be independent in your choices, or organise to meet them where a friend goes with you as well. My friend went behind her parents backs and saw her online friend in secret but I really advise against this as her and her mother had a horrible falling out over it and she suffered a lot of emotion upset because of it.

 

I'd advise you to make more offline friends. The reason why your parents are unsupportive may be because they think you are naive, as people with few real-life friends are prone to be. I speak from personal experience: the more friends I made the last few years, the more "street smart" I became. Not a generally accepted truth per se, but parents often see it as one...and they have a point.

And this is called puberty. You are 13, have 4 friends in total and you're surprised that your parents aren't all that enthusiastic about your plans to travel across the country? Parents are often a wise and helpful source of information and comfort, more so than KHV's Help With Life section tends to be imo. Not that it matters which medium you turn to as long as the problem gets solved, but not consulting your parents at all because they don't always give you the answer you want to hear is childish to say the least.

Yeah, I met some e-friends at a rock festival 4 years ago. I met half of our clique called "Noob United". One of them was emo, another one was a womanizer, another one a geek and yet another one a latino. And then there was me, the overly rational, cynical older teen. We were a diverse bunch to say the least. Fun times on that site, never made fun of (read: cyberbullied) so many people in my life. But our friendship came to an end when, the site crashed, members started doing each other's exes and grew apart in general. We're now on Facebook Happy Birthday basis. I still have fond memories of the time the lot of us moshed on Fall Out Boy though.

There are plenty of people of KHV that I'd like to see but next to none that I need to see. I'll elaborate, with the risk of sounding too harsh but with the hope of being understood. I'd like to go out getting wasted college-style with LilBueno, and I'd like to debate on several topics with P. However, it would be no skin off my back teeth if I never got the chance to drink with Bueno or debate with P.
There is one person I know from KHV that I definitely want to see some day: the only one I consider a true friend.

 

You're 13 and want to travel across the country to meet an internet friend? what the what. You might want to forget that notion for a few more years.

As for me, I've met two people from this site and slept with one of them. c: We also went to the movies and generally hung out. It was fun. I was 20 at the time and paid for it myself though.

 

^This. Im surprised no one has actually brought this up yet. What if your internet friend is not who he says he is? Then you've travelled across the country to meet someone completely different. Thats just not good, or even safe for that matter. When I was 13, I had heaps of online friends, one of which actually went to my school.

thing is, I live in Australia, even my Aussie online friends live in south australia, which is a bit of a trek from where i am. I'm 16, and I havent met any of my online friends offline. One, because most of my online friends are in far away countries, and Two, because I'm still a bit weary about what could potentially happen.

My advice to you, as many others have said, is to wait a bit longer.

 

No. If you think that I am exaggerating it, there is your own perspective in question. Maybe you just cannot fathom it, which is understandable enough, given that you are not me. Don't quite get it, so you write it off as aggrandization. And that has been said many times tenfold, but it does not move me. I am stubborn, no two ways about it.

That was touching, Wolfie, specially because of how much I tease you. It is out of love, swear! Thank you, although I doubt that any amount of luck will do me good. Not in the face of authority, the dictating figures that they are.

Which is what my parents aim for me to do, mother is urging me to make friends nearby. But I am doubting that she really understands my position, and yes, I am painfully aware of just how typical that approach is. My focus is cut short, have difficulty focusing on more than a couple few people at once; would be afraid that, were I to make some friends, I would forget about this one. Not forget, not really... more like, well... attention would be grabbed by something else, a distraction. Wouldn't want to lose focus. That, and I have not made a single friend in my life, at least, not without extra assistance. Have never approached anyone myself, all of the friends that I have ever had have come to me. To look for a friend, would feel like I was trying to replace this one... feels wrong on so many accounts...

That I have made this one friend is a breakthrough, methinks.

Good god, I have the emotional intelligence of a 4-yr-old. Very aware of it.

Not surprised at all, but not accepting of it.

Curious, who is this person? Think I am oblivious to everything that goes on around me, don't know much at all about the community. Lack of street-smart, right. So, who?

Easier said than done, if only we could all "forget" about whatever was troubling us. That would be ideal, but not likely by any means.

 

Then have fun later in life when the few friends you cling to are having boy/girlfriends and attempt to broaden their horizons. You won't see them lurking on MSN so often, I can predict that much. I'm not even sure if they will continue to appreciate your "focusing" on them. Granted, it's probably not a problem now, but it's best to start broadening your own horizons early, lest you be abandoned altogether when you grow into those years that you need friends most. Life won't wait for you.

A breakthrough or a first step, all a matter of how you look at it.

And it's not too hard to heal it yet. Speaking from experience once again.

No normal parent would let their 13-year old kid travel across the country. And they've got a point.
I'm at a risk of sounding mighty old-fashioned, so let me put it in video game terms for extra flashiness...

Suppose I'm up against the final boss, a most likely difficult battle. I could keep on hoping that his instant-death move will miss more often and win by sheer luck at the risk of losing and having to watch that agonizingly long cutscene again (possibly multiple times). Or I can be safe by equiping the right items or leveling up, negate his InstaKill-move and have a better chance of winning.

Now replace these (pardon me if it gets confusing):
Final boss = Traveling far away
Instant-death move = Something going wrong, you being stuck in a town midway or having your wallet stolen being the LEAST problematic
Miss more often = Not happen
Equiping the right items or leveling up = Gain more wisdom of experience (Notice how RPGs actually work with Experience Points to make challenges more managable)
And let's not forget...
Agonizingly long cutscene = 13 YEARS OF RAISING YOU

Except in real life, there's no Game Over-screen, no retries and no Undo button. So yeah.
If a final boss had the ever-so-slight chance to delete my save file, I'd gladly spend some more hours playing underwater foosball to get that Big Ultimate Sword that makes the battle easier.

Nah, you just haven't been around long enough. It's Catch the Rain.