This is some of my english coursework I've been having to do recently. I don't think it's exactly an amazing piece of writing but I've put a lot of effort into it. I appologise in advance for anything my characters say or do that may offend you. I realise that 9/11 was a very serious matter that must not be mocked in anyway. Even if it was accidental, and I kept that in mind through out the enitre writing process. I hope that nothing I wrote is going to cause problems, I tried to hold true to the believed events and to the emotion that the passengers would of experienced. However, it's impossible to say for sure if I did manage that... _______________________________________________________________________________________ 4:39 am. Exactly 2 hours and 21 minutes until we leave for the airport, exactly 2 hours and 21 minutes until I am alone with him again, exactly 2 hours and 21 minutes before we return to school; it seems like a million miles to San Francisco from New York. I don’t really want to be that far from Mom and Dad, because in exactly 2 hours and 21 minutes I’ll be alone and unprotected from him… ***Those were the exact words running through my mind as I lay in bed during the morning of this ill-fated day. Once again, my fear of sleep, my fear of dropping my guard even for a just few hours of precious sleep, kept me awake all night long. Staring blankly into the faint, sickly green light emanating from my alarm clocks numbers, counting down the digits until the time were I would be abandoned back at school with him. He is my older brother, the one boy in my generation I should be able to trust, to be able to count on. The one who would always be there, no matter what. But, Trent isn’t that person at all; my dearest, darling brother is nothing but abusive bully. A sadistic young man who loves nothing more then to see me cry, or at least that’s what the years of fear, the years of pain, the years of abuse have etched in my mind. It’s his fault I can’t stand to become close to anyone. I can’t even stand holding my boyfriend’s hand or being hugged goodbye for my father. Let alone tell them how much I truly care for them. And because of that, my life is hollow, empty and meaningless. Now that feeling has led me down an even darker path, a path of a senseless self-destruction. A path I chose to follow simply to prove to myself that I’m too big of a wimp to push myself that inch to far into a deathly oblivion. To put it simply: My name is Conni Lawliet, and I am a self-harmer. To look at I’m a normal teenage girl, the years of practice have made me good at pretending to be happy. Or anything else I’m not when it comes to that. Nothing about me screams “Self-Harmer”, “Abused” or even just “Emo”. I don’t wear the cliché armbands to cover my cuts and scars, doing that will only draw attention to you. Long sleeves, jackets and heavy foundation are all you need. Not one person has ever guessed my secrets, and because of that only three people know: My best friend Rosie, we’ve known each other since we started at high school together. She’s always been there when I needed her the most. I honestly don’t know what my life would have been like without her to give advice, as crap as it was at the time; my boyfriend, Jamie, we’ve been together three years. But I’ve never been able to tell him how I feel about it, and even showing him how much I care through more physical ways is out of the question most of the time, simply because my mind readies me for the worst every time anyone so much as looks at me. And finally Trent, he only knows because he realised I have quite a few wounds he didn’t inflict. ***Today, on this sunny, bright autumn morning, was the first time I truly realised how easy it is to get lost amongst the crowd at that place. To fall behind and loose track of everything: Time, place, and people. But I guess after today I should be used to loosing stuff. The harsh clinical stench of the cleaning chemicals burned at my nose as I stepped through into the bustling terminal, the noise there was unbelievable. The drowning sound was overwhelming. However, I didn’t care much about that, I could still fell the warmth of my mother’s hug ‘good-bye’, sense my father’s hand on my shoulder. But most of all I could still hear his whisper echoing in my ear “Remember…” that was all he said to me as we stepped through together. No ‘Don’t worry’ no ‘it’s just a plane journey’ because such words from him would have been meaningless. And he could fit an entire world of fear and emotion into that single word. It was only a few minutes into the flight when I decided to take out my cell, we’d been waiting for take off for what seemed like forever and I wanted to play Tetris or whatever other stupid game my phone had installed on it. But, as I flicked the phone open and the screen lit up I found myself gazing at a picture I’d all but forgotten I’d set as my wallpaper. It was my boyfriend and I. It was a picture from his last birthday, he’d found it hysterical that I couldn’t stand having my picture taken and had sat on me while Rose took the picture on my phone. It was hard to believe it’d only been a month ago. After a few minutes of gazing into the screen my eyes began to sting, I was so tired. It seemed that maybe my sleepless night had caught up with me, slowly I closed my heavy eyelids, relaxing myself ever so slightly, sighing to myself as I heard Trent’s breathing, his only sound was the soft sighing of his slumber. The in the darkness I heard screaming, and the pounding sounds of footsteps on the carpeted floor of the plane. I quickly snapped my eyes open once again. The people who were almost flying down the aisle were yelling about men with a bomb and someone being stabbed in the back of the neck with a knife. Panic coursed through me as I went to run with them thinking of safety in numbers. But, something happened I never thought would happen; Trent held me back. He pointed towards the front of the plane, my eyes slid over to see and I saw, one of the terrorists with a bomb as plain as day on his torso. The fear I felt was unlike anything I had ever experienced. Even when Trent… Yeah… Even then I was never that scared. But after that moment, there was nothing but black… I think I passed out, though… Maybe I was knocked out. I’m not so sure anymore. ***Through the unearthly silence that was broken only by the hoarse and trembling whispers of the other passengers a story was spreading: two planes had been crashed into the World Trade Centre. As the news reached my ears I realised it was truly over. We were doomed, destined to become nothing more then memories and statistics. This was one dangerous situation I wasn’t getting out of. I’d never felt so afraid, or so alone. Slowly I felt Trent lean towards me. Instinctively I pulled away, backing myself up against the shuddering wall. But his face. His face I’ll never forget that look. He was scared, truly terrified. It was a strange feeling, seeing someone that you both love so very much and despise so deeply look so lost and alone. Part of me wanted to laugh in his face, to tell him that this fear was the exact emotion he made me feel every time he some much as glanced at me. But the side of me that loved him, the side of me that told me that even through everything he was still my brother, wanted to hug him. To tell him that’d we’d be fine with some daft joke. Of course the words would have been meaningless. Instead I reached down in the cramped foot space, grasping the strap of my bag and pulling it up onto my lap. Quickly I looked around inside of it and pulled out my cell. Then after flipping it open I cautiously offered it to him. “You call who ever you need to. Then we’ll call Mom and Dad together.” You know, I never thought of him as human. Let alone as an emotionally vulnerable one. I never ever want to hear something like that again. He said so many goodbyes that day…His best friend, his girlfriend, everyone. Then he handed it back to me. “You call who ever you need to. Then we’ll call Mom and Dad.” He smiled weakly. “I know you have people you really should call.” I was lost for words; I didn’t know what to say. He actually knew about my life. And what’s more; he cared. “Thank-you…” Were the only words I could manage as I took the phone from him. Quickly I cycled through my phone book and tapped the dial button. Patiently I waited for the call to go through, then I heard that oh so familiar voice on the other end: “Do you have any idea what time it is here Con?” “Jamie,” I smiled sadly “Sorry to wake you… B-But I’m on a plane right now… And… and it’s been hijacked… and after the World Trade Center thing… I don’t think I’m gonna survive… I…I just wanted you to know I love you. And… That I’m so sorry I didn’t say that sooner. I love you, I can’t even begin to tell you how much… I’m, I’m sorry.” “Conni… I love you too... And you will be all right. I just know you will.” “Yeah?” ”Yeah.” ”I…I love you but I… I have to go… If I can I will call back. I promise.” “Bye Con…” “G-Goodbye…” I mumbled, unsuccessfully fighting back my warm, stinging tears as I hung up. “I love you…” I repeated as I once again smiled at the wallpaper. Gently stroking the screen with my thumb as my tears splattered onto the keypad. Wiping my eyes quickly, trying my hardest not to smudge my make up. Taking a deep, shuddering breath I moved onto the next name, Rosie. My best friend, my first friend and the one who knew me the best… “So, you ready?” “Yeah…” I replied, once again pushing the call button “Mom?” “Dad?” “It’s Mom. Dad’s here too, you want to speak to him or both of us?” Came the familiar soft tone of our mother’s voice. The same voice that used to soothe us to sleep when we were babies. “Both of you…put us on speaker… please.” “Alright.” She agreed just before we heard Dad’s voice come drifting through the phone. ”You alright kids?” “No… Not really…” I mumbled “The plane’s been hijacked.” Trent blurted out. Though, there wasn’t really any other way to say it. “We heard about the World Trade Center over the Satellite phones…And we know the chance of our survival… and we know how small they are.” “We just called to say that we love you… And to say good bye.” “Yeah… Goodbye.” ”We’re so sorry for everything… G-goodbye…” I sobbed as Trent snapped the phone shut. Once again silence swept over the huddled passengers as fear began to tighten its death grip over us. However, something new was in the air. And the hijackers could sense it, and we could feel the apprehension that was feeding the uneasy air of rebellion. It seemed that we had decided our fate without even realising it, decided that if we were to go down we’d go down with a fight. Trent had left me sometime ago, I’d spent the last few minutes in the figurative “Emo Corner” and I’d lost all track of time. But now I’d lost him; not able to see him no matter how hard I scanned the people around I couldn’t see him anywhere. But I could ‘feel’ his voice in the background. The undertones of his dark voice carrying through the air towards me from it’s lost source. “Let’s go.” Suddenly the men and the women from the very back of the plane lunged forward at the hijackers. Pushing one of the trolleys at the man, then leaping on top of it and onto him, beating him senseless and almost to a pulp. It was horrifying to watch, and I saw the look in Trent’s eyes as he passed. It was the same glint that he had when he attacked me, it was not look of hatred, but of enjoyment. Something about that look makes me wonder still if he was all right, whether or not something I never knew of had happened to him. But then again, maybe he was just what I had always thought: a sadistic b*stard. As the commotion was going on you could almost taste the acrid atmosphere of panic. This was the ‘All-or-Nothing’ stage for both us and for them. And neither of us would back down for anything. Slowly the mob disappeared from sight, then… Then the plane began to drop, gaining speed so rapidly it was unbelievable. Everyone around me was screaming, but I myself couldn’t even manage a sound. Then… The screaming stopped.
To be honest I cried, before I finished the passage. I was like, "Connie's gonna die!" But you can SO tell that you put effort into. Because I felt those emotions, it was really, it makes me speechless. I haven't read anything as beautiful as this in a LOG TIME! And I thank you for that. <:3 *tear*
I'm not one to enjoy talking about that day, nor the events that transpired in my middle school, but you've written this with a tender and respective emotion that it was hard to stop reading. Not very many works have left a lasting impression on me, but the characteristics, the pain, the realness of it, made it beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Wonderful work.
