So, here's the first story I've ever actually finished. This is just the first version; I haven't really edited it all the way yet. Oh well. Enjoy! Your mother hasn’t found out yet. No one has. I’m the only one who knows you. You are so precious to me, even now, before you’ve taken form. I know you’re going to grow up to be a wonderful girl. Bright, sensitive, imaginative… I’ve already got a special plan ready for you, including a very special someone. Your mother discovered you today. She is so happy; I wish you could see how much she loves you already. Your father doesn’t know yet.Your mother doesn’t know how to tell him. He will love you too. He’s going to be so proud of you. You’ll be his little princess all the short days of his life. Your parents announced you to the rest of your family today. It was amazing. Your aunt Marjorie hugged your mother so tight that she almost strangled her. Your grandfather still can’t stop smiling. He’s already called all his friends and told them about you, and your grandmother already has a list of names picked out, but they’re not really what your parents are looking for. They already know what your name’s going to be, they just haven’t talked about it yet. They can’t wait for you to get here. I can’t either. You arrived today. You came almost two weeks earlier than the doctors thought you would. They’re always making mistakes like that. Your mother barely made it. She tried so hard, and worked so hard, but it was worth it. She was very brave, she didn’t shed a tear. Until she saw you, that is. She couldn’t stop crying then. Your father cried too, but he tried not to show it. You are so loved, and always will be. Even when all else fails, I will love you. You’ve been growing up so fast! You’re bright, just like I said you would be. You’re imaginative, too. You spent the better part of an hour today coloring… all over the walls of your mother’s bedroom wall. It was lovely. Of course, she had to punish you. Oh, I could barely stand your bitter tears, even though I knew you had to learn. Believe me; I hated your punishment just as much you did. But it was soon over, and you were playing and laughing as usual. I love it when you laugh. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I know this is a hard time for you, and you’re so young. Your father loved you in his life, and he still loved you to the last second. I know you don’t understand why it had to happen, why he had to leave you. It wasn’t his fault. The brakes stalled, he couldn’t stop. It didn’t cause him any pain. Just a moment of fear, and then it was over. I wish I could be there, I wish I could hold you, and let you cry in my arms. But I can do this for you; sleep, my daughter. Sleep, and have sweet dreams. Dream of your father, and smile again. You’re healing. Slowly but surely, you find that life goes on, despite the pain of loss. I know you feel guilty whenever you have too good a time. You think that you should still be sad, for his sake, but don’t be.Your father wouldn’t want you to miss out on life because he can’t share it with you. I know you loved him, believe me; I love him more than you ever could know. But please, try to smile again. I miss seeing you smile. Today was your first day of middle school. You were so excited this morning. Seeing your face fall as the day went on was like watching a flower wilt in a storm. I’m sorry that people don’t understand you like I do. You are very precious to me, and I wish I could be there to hold you now. And yes, he likes you too, but he is not meant for you. He belongs to someone else. Don’t worry, your match is still out there, and he is waiting for you. Dear Heart, don’t be worried. I know you don’t want this, and I know you aren’t ready for it. It was not my plan, it shouldn’t have happened, but it did. Ever since the accident, your mother won’t let me help her. She blames me for what happened to her first love. Now the Enemy has taken hold of her heart, and he has firmly convinced her that she loves this man. Be strong; the road ahead will not be easy. But trust me, and I will get you through it. Every day you live I watch over you, every breath you take is precious to me. I love watching you grow. Every moment, you become more and more the beautiful young lady I know you can be. Your smile is so lovely, and I love hearing you laugh. Be careful, dearest. The world is full of those who would take advantage of your gentle spirit and loving nature. Watch your heart; some of your friends are not the best influence on you. Today was a disappointing day for you, and I’m very sorry. I know you liked the boy, and it was bitter to have your friend be part of the betrayal. Please don’t judge her too harshly. She is still your friend, even if she hurt you now. As for the boy, he is not yours, and never was good enough for you. I know that doesn’t numb the pain you feel now, but please understand, I have a plan for you, and you’ll never have to be alone. I will never leave you. Dearest, don’t be afraid. I know you don’t want to move, and I know you hate that man, but don’t be afraid. I have you safe in my arms, and as long as you trust me I will never leave you. Be strong, you will face many temptations in your new school, and many sore trials at home, but keep your head up; I have some good things ready for you there. Oh how I wish you could know me, could see my love for you.You are so precious to me, and you are more beautiful than you know. Your new friends don’t know you. They don’t understand you like I do. You don’t need them; they’re a bad influence on you. But, I’m glad you’re happy. As for your home life, I’m so sorry. That man is not in my plan for you, and he should not have become a part of your family. Precious girl, please take care; that boy is not yours, and he is wrong for you. Be careful, or he will treat you wrong. Have patience, My Flower. Your match is on his way. He is not perfect, of course. Nobody is. But he is the best for you. Don’t latch yourself onto this other boy. He is not good for you. Today I introduced you to your match. You don’t like him yet, but now you know him. As for the other boy, you really need to let him go. He’s not good for you. Every time you’re with him, you become less and less you. And I’m sorry, but he doesn’t love you. He never has. There’s just one thing he wants. You don’t know yet, but he isn’t true. If you don’t break it off now, He’s going to hurt you soon. But don’t worry, I will take care of you. You’ve been getting to know your match a little better. You still haven’t seen him as yours, but you’re beginning to enjoy his company. He told you about me today. He told you all about how much I love you, and how I wish you would love me, too. He invited you to my house, but you said no. I understand. You’ve been told one thing all your life, and it’s not easy to accept a strange new idea at first. Just know this: even if you never accept me, I will love you more than even your match ever could. I love you more than life itself, more than you could ever love me back. That man has reached his limit. I’ve tried to be patient, but he has gone too far. I’m sorry that he hit you, he will pay for it. Maybe not now, but justice will happen. Your mother knows now how much of a mistake it was to let him into her life. She is miserable now, I know you can see it. Yet, she still won't let me help her. Now, she's blaming me for your stepfather as well. Don’t be afraid of your school friends seeing the mark. Some people might give you a hard time, but there’s not one of them that hasn’t been in your place. I love you so much, Dear heart. and I wish you could love me too. Dear Heart, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I warned you that this would happen; I warned you that he was false. He was not meant for you, and he didn’t love you. The rejection and heartache will fade with time, but I know that the pain you feel now is unbearable. I wish I could be there, I wish I could hold you, and let you cry in my arms. When you were a little girl, your mother held you for me, but now you cry alone. However, I can do this for you; Sleep, my daughter. Sleep, and have sweet dreams. Dream of your father, and your mother with him. You are a little girl again, happy and innocent, untouched by the world. Dream. Every day is a waking nightmare. I watch you as you drift away from me, as you struggle and fight with your life. I long to take care of you, to love you, but you push me away and turn to other things. You’ve tried everything to forget, but nothing helps you. Dear Heart, you are beautiful. It’s killing me to see you starve yourself. You are so precious to me, and nothing could ever change that. Your match is praying for you, he wants me to help you, but I can’t help until you let me. Please open your heart to me and let me in. I could help you so much, if you would just let me. My poor girl. My precious daughter. Oh, I wish I could hold you, I wish I could keep you safe. I know your heartache; I can see your pain. Please know that the child inside you is as beautiful as you are, and just as precious to me. I’m so sorry that boy did such a thing to you; please let me in to help you. Your match is so afraid for you; he hates to see you hurting. He doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he loves you, and hates to see you like this. I feel the same way. Please let me in. I can help you if you just trust me. Dear heart, please don’t do this. Please don’t end it now.Your life is just beginning, as well as the life of your son. I love you both so much, I can’t bear to see you hurting. Please don’t do this. Please let me help you, I can fix it, I can take care of you, just let me in. Please don’t end your life. Forget that boy. Forget your stepfather. Forget your so-called friends. I love you so much, even though all else fails. Dear Heart, I loved you your whole life, from before you took your first breath 'till you breathed your last. You were so precious to me, and I had such plans for your life, if you had only let me in. I tried to help you; I tried to let you know me. I guess you just found me unbelievable.
This was so incredibly sad. It was beautifully set up in a letter form, and very detailed. Even if there was no dialogue, some stories do not require it. What I read here opened my eyes, and my heart. I know that kind of pain, and it was well displayed within these words. This work was indeed unbelievable. But you can believe this, this was absolutely wonderful to read, and I hope you continue to write more.
I remember reading this a while ago and being confused. It feels like the speaker is supposed to be God or a very dedicated stalker and that's pretty much what forms my impression. You've got a decent base here technically. Some awkward phrasing here and there but a generally solid base. However, it's creepy, like really creepy and I'm getting the feeling at times that you're going for emotional, maybe even sentimental and that's not what carried. So I feel like you need to think about your story and plot more, how people will read it and what it actually means.
@BusterSword777 Thanx for the high praise, I'm glad you liked it so well. I am planning on writing more sometime, but I'm going through a sort of writers block. XP @Rebecca Black thank you for the constructive criticism, I'll take another look at it sometime, see what needs editing. And yes, it is supposed to be from God's point of veiw.
Liked the other one I saw, so I figured I'd check this one out too. It's very powerful, I think. I could tell that it was from God's point of view, and it actually made me get quite emotional near the end. And you managed to convey exactly what was happening without ever saying outright, which I thought was great, because it means that you work it out yourself, and that gets you more attached to 'Heart'. Overall, a very good piece. I'd love to see more of your work.
