Twenty nine lines to make you smile

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't..
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 . Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance..
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken .
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

 

None of this made me smile.

 

lol Nice of you to make me laugh.

 

If you don't have sense of humor, you don't have anything.

 

I hate when you post chain things that you get in stupid emails.

2nd is a quote from edgar allen poe.

 

I never get chain e-mails.

 

Ha. Funny funny funny.

 

Yeah, but you always post those copy-paste ****.

 

Yeah, but why make a hassle out of it and not just enjoy it?
It's a ****ing joke, can you not get it? Is it too complicated for you?

 

You're saying I have no sense of humor. Now that made me laugh.

 

lol why are you freaking out?

I just don't like when people copy paste stuff, people give you credit for something you didn't make.

 

I didn't smile but a few of these were clever to say the most.

 

Everyone knows I don't make these. And noone gives credit to me for making them, maybe they give for posting them.

It's a miracle.

 

And it's kinda unoriginal.

 

And I'm freaking out because instead of just seeing, doing or saying something positive(ly) you find even the least of a problem in that action and point it out.

 

Indeed, seeing as how those copypasta jokes never amuse me.

 

If this bothers you, then don't look at it. Isn't that easiest?

The ones in blue I've seen and have grown bored of.

The ones in red are the ones that made me smile.

26 made me go "aww"
the ones aren't colored didn't really affect me a lot, though I may have seen it before

 

Hey Shizzy, your really uptight arent you?