Transgender Teen's Suicide Sparks Massive Internet Movement

Hiro ✩ · Feb 21, 2015

On Sunday, February 15, 2015, Zander Mahaffey, a freshman at South Cobb High School in Austell, Georgia committed suicide. Like Leelah Alcorn, the 15-year-old left a heartbreaking post on his Tumblr page beforehand, in which he described how intolerable it was to not be accepted for who he was.

"I am a boy, even if the world doesn’t see me as one. But I know in my heart I am a boy," he wrote.

Zander described his emotionally abusive relationship with his mother, who was disabled and seemed to take all of her frustration out on him, accusing him of stealing her money and taunting him with painful memories about the sexual assault he endured.

"It hurts so much to hate your mother. It hurts so much for your mother to act so two faced. It hurts for you to actually have a nice time, to talk and smile and laugh together, and then it all does back to hell, and the illusion shatters, and you remember about all the horrible things she still does. It hurts to not know what it’s like to have a “mommy”, to know what a mothers love is, to feel cared for by a maternal figure," he wrote.

He also posted emotional goodbyes to the people that he loved, including his grandmother, his siblings, his girlfriend, and his friends. And he asked them for one very important final request:

"I want to ask of you both (especially you, Gabby) is to make sure if there are any memorials for me I want you both to make sure my right name and pronouns are used."

Unfortunately, his final request wasn't honored, as his obituary and tombstone used only his birth name, Sandra Nicole, and female pronouns. This sparked a massive outcry on social media, with people tweeting messages of support and activism under the #HisNameIsZander hashtag.

Zander's friends also set up a memorial blog for him, where he can be remembered under his chosen gender identity. Hundreds of people have already posted beautiful tributes, along with "Rest in Power" messages conveying the hope that perhaps his death, along with Leelah Alcorn's, will at least attain some meaning by ensuring that tragedies like these never happen again.
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Zander was one of my best friends ever. I was very fortunate to meet him (and date him for a couple weeks at one point), as he changed me for the better. When I heard the news, I was heartbroken. I was more or less mad that I didn't help. He just messaged me that he loved me and all his friends, and I told him I loved him too. It was Valentine's Day, what was I meant to think?

Waking up to the news of his death the next morning was tragic. My friends and I cried for hours. The chat on skype just wasn't the same without him there. I met him via a voice acting blog on tumblr for Dangan Ronpa. We connected, and the last voice acting we did together was for the DR Parody Dingle Rumpus. He was Sayaka, and I was Leon.

Anyway, back to the point.

When we all received news that he was to be buried under his birth name, we protested. Wrote in the funeral home guestbook that he was a boy named Zander. A boy who was our friend and had touched our lives. What we got in return was deleted comments. So we turned to social media. We started the tag #HisNameWasZander on Twitter and tumblr, and we're eternally grateful for all of the support we received. So many people have been so kind as to support trans teens after this. It truly makes me happy to see that my friend can be remembered the way he wanted to be-- as a boy named Zander Nicholas Mahaffey.

His name was Zander.

He loved anime, vocaloids, Cosplay, and most of all, he loved his friends.

Before I end this personal recount of the situation, I'd like to share with you what he wrote to me in his suicide note. It broke my heart, but it reassures me we were friends to the end. Reading it, I cant help but feel a bit guilty that my breaking up with him shattered his heart and I never got to outright say "I'm sorry," but I feel like he forgave me in the end.

To Hector/King, my first true crush (that I got to date anyway). Being in boyfriends with you made me so happy. I finally felt what it was to be on cloud nine. When you broke up with me, it hurt so bad. I know I shrugged it off, but I cried all that night and the night after that and the night after that and was sad for a good week. Then you started dating someone else and I resented you for that, because I still had feelings for you and I was bitter and angry to see you happy with someone who wasn’t me. But I finally realized it was just childish, and I needed to let you go, and I forgave. There’s no use in being bitter and angry. So I’m glad, I’m glad that we could stay friends, you are a really good friend. I loved you, and I still care about you a lot even now, and I’ll miss you.
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If you'd like to pay your respects and send a kind word to his girlfriend, her blog is linked in the description of Zander's blog, and should appear when you click on the link to his suicide note. I'd post it directly, but it's against the rules to advertise.

But I do have a personal request as a KH-Vids user.

Please don't let my friend's memory fade.

Don't let another transgender teen fall victim to this vicious cycle.

Don't let the world forget that his name was Zander.

He was my friend, and loved him very much.

If you would like to help our movement, you can message me directly on here or my tumblr.

Source: http://www.seventeen.com/health/tips/twitter-honors-trans-teen-who-commits-suicide?src=spr_FBPAGE&spr_id=1442_148222097

Amaury · Feb 21, 2015

I am so sorry for your loss, Hector. If you ever need to talk, please do not hesitate to contact on here or on Skype.

Llave · Feb 21, 2015

The subject of transgender and everything that it entails has always been very personal to me, and it breaks my heart that people cannot love other people, especially family members. It hurts to see people poke fun of transmen and women just because they may look off key, but deep down, that person is really only becoming their best.

I'm very sorry about Zander, Hector. I wish things were different and it's so saddening to see that people can't continue this journey of life because of other people. I'm glad that he wrote to you and let you know that everything is ok. Don't forget Zander, because he may rest in peace, but he also rests in power. It's times like these that we can't rest until society realizes that trans is a norm, and nobody has to feel bad about it.

Misty · Feb 22, 2015

Heard about this on tumblr, it's such an awful awful tragedy & much love going out to you, Hector, and all his friends and family. Unfortunately we're living in a word where trans and non-binary kids constantly have to hide their identities and are driven to suicide; I'm glad at least that recent cases have gained some publicity and awareness has been spread, but we've a long way to go and my heart goes out to all those who have fallen along the way.

al215 · Feb 22, 2015

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and I hope you're okay. I know it's heartbreaking to have a friend die. I hope that the protest goes through and he'll be buried as he wanted to be. It's awful that this keeps happening, but more and more stories of this are appearing now so hopefully, people are going to start taking notice. Like Misty said, we've got a long way to go and I hope that things change soon. Nobody should have to hide who they are from the world for fear that they'll be mocked or disrespected. Once again, I hope you're okay and my heart goes out to you, your friends and Zander's family.

burnitup · Feb 24, 2015

I'm sad that I didn't see this sooner. I am sorry for your loss, man. I know this can't be easy for you. Look, should you ever need to talk I'll be here for you.

Horrible shame his final request wasn't granted. I wonder if this problem can be fixed, as this was rather disrespectful to him for not using the proper name and pronouns of his chosen identity as per his request.

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Transgender Teen's Suicide Sparks Massive Internet Movement

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