Never thought I would post here, but here I go -_- I've been with my boyfriend for around three years now, met him when I was fifteen (he is three years older than me, age doesn't really matter to me in this situation), and I'm having some complications recently. He's good to me most of the time, taking the occasional day to week of being mean, usually for small reasons like going over to his apartment late due to me trying to finish school work. This composes of him using the threat that he wants his key back recently. Through the first year and half of the second year he was very flattering, but hasn't really been ever since. I'm not trying to make him sound like too much of a villain, he can make me happy. I'm having the trouble that I feel like I'm starting to fall for my best friend. I've known him for around the same time. I'll give you guys the summary of both of them so it's not so lengthy. -Boyfriend- Strengths Funny, musical (guitar), sexy, smart in English, shorter, lets me take top, lets me be more of a guy Weaknesses Health problems (high sugar and calorie diet), mental problems (mostly depression), isn't motivated to work (unemployed and has been for years), easily aggravated, prone to take anger upon me, very sloppy (apartment is almost beyond saving), isn't willing to try hard to get out/work out/do things, isn't willing to listen to me rant about videogames (which are a big part of my life) -Friend- Strengths Funny, listens, is a gamer also, motivated, loves outdoor activities (like I do), has a current job, musical (base guitar I believe), willing to try things, generally nicer and is flattering Weaknesses Health problems (depression, high calorie diet, smokes, drinks, heart problems), is a bit big in proportion compared to me (his hands are huge and awkward to hold), taller, prone to take top, makes me feel girly, I am a bit scared of going through the first-time sexy time again (I'm very ashamed of some parts of my body and don't like them seen, I also can't really imagine sexy time between us in the first place), not sure if sexually attracted to him, is a bit of a player I do love my boyfriend, don't get me wrong, I just feel so disconnected with him now. When I go over we don't really talk about stuff like we used to. He also still goes on on how he doesn't want to live so I feel like I'm not helping at all. My friend has liked me for years and claims to love me. After attempting to kiss me last week (I got scared and backed away because he trapped me between a wall) we agreed to be just friends. I have been trying, though, to keep him interested (evil I know) by texting him stuff like "kisses cheek" and whatnot. I have liked him on and off for a year (off being the fact that he's a player). Now it seems like since he's agreed to try to move on it triggered some sort of strong want. I would like to try a relationship with my friend, but him and my boyfriend don't get along at all so if I leave my boyfriend he'll take it personally as an insult. I also feel like if I do leave that it will cause him to try and kill himself (the depression kicks in). I also start crying when I think of being without him. Through all the hurt I still have a strong emotional tie to him. I know for the real world choosing my friend would be better since he would be more reliable. Staying with my boyfriend would probably be a rut unless he gets some motivation or something (I tried to give myself a "if it doesn't get better in a few years, leave," attitude recently). Or I could just choose neither and just barrel through life and see how it goes. I'm just lost KH. p.S. Sorry if confusing, typed this at midnight.
I am going to say this, I don't really have an opinion, its not my place. People can give you ideas of what they think best fits you, but the ultimate descion is up to you and you alone, you shouldn't base it off what other people say, espically if they are from the net (KHV or not), regardless of your confusion right now. It is unfortuante that you find yourself feeling this way.
While it's not anyone's place to decide for you, your current boyfriend does not seem like someone who is stable or able to benefit you. No one should threaten you or treat you wrong. He seems very controlling and it sounds like neither of you are very happy in your relationship. The situation seems tougher than just making one final cut, though I'd say to not completely sever ties with Boyfriend but let him know that you're unhappy where you are and things need to improve before you can fully commit once more. The depression is certainly an issue, but that's something for a professional to deal with. It's not your responsibility to make everything perfect for him. Overall really I feel like you just need a break from both Friend and Boyfriend to sort things out for yourself.
Give your boyfriend an ultimatum honestly, if he refuses to work and has no motivation, if you tell him he has 2 months to find a job and get motivated to go out and do stuff again, then he truly loves you and cherishes your relationship. but if he just blows it off then he doesnt care how you feel or what you say has any importance. in large part it sounds like you have alot of thinking to do. maybe his depression is taking over, or maybe hes just so used to not being motivated and being out of work that maybes thats what he used to and has come to the conclusion that this is whats always gonna happen. in my opinion friends make the best lovers, because they will always care what you think and always have feelings for you. my current GF ive been friends with for 13 years and we started dating awhile back and its the greastest thing ever, but aside from that i think you need to figure out what you want out of life, do u want some guy whom youve been with for 3 years to be unmotivated and not care about anything to be with you, or do you want someone whose gonna b there for you whenever and always want you happy? your choice