The Truth

After years of sweat-filed and exhausting work, and the compilation of irrefutable evidence I have come to a startling conclusion: Jesus is Santa Claus.

It's perfectly reasonable. Both have beards and like to give. That, and so much more.

Before being crucified, Peter tells Jesus that he will follow him wherever he goes. Jesus of course replies that Pete cannot follow or go where he is going. Where is Jesus going? The North Pole. Why can't Peter follow? Because being the son of God allows Jesus access to snow gear and especially boots, which Peter, being a mere mortal and from the middle East has no access to.

Fact: As Christian holidays cycle there is the steady stream of Christmas then Easter, Christmas then Easter,etc. For years many have believed that this is the natural order of things: Jesus is born and then he dies. But this is just another carefully executed diversion from the truth. The cycle is in fact the reverse: Christ is killed and seemingly reborn at Christmas. As who? Not Baby Jesus, but Santa Claus! Who knows if he even really died. Perhaps He just faked his death to better serve humankind by delivering swift justice via the present/coal system to those who are nice or naughty, respectively.

It's such a perfect ploy the more you think about it really. In all that pish posh about going to heaven, Jesus was actually just flying to the North Pole where he would establish his Toy Factory of Solitude and eventually dawn the mantle of Santa Claus. Even more so, it is said that he is accompanied by angels during his ascent to heaven. This is just another fabrication to draw us further from the truth! People around that time had never seen a reindeer before, let alone one that could fly. Oh yes. I'm going there. Jesus was escorted by the loyal 8 flying reindeer that he continues to use as Santa Claus.

I have found the truth. Please spread the truthful and joyous message of Jesus Claus.

 

o.o


LMFAO.


You've brightened my morning considerably. ^.^

 

This is easily the most hilarious thing I've ever seen here. Kudos.

 

This belongs in the Discussion Board.

 

I lol'd even though I agree

That was an interesting theoy

 

Epic. Just EPIC.

 

Im actually starting to believe this a little >D

dramadramadrama :3


You should start a cult >8D

 

There is actually truth to this. Sinterklass (sp?) was originally Jesus, but as time went on, he got morphed into an old guy with a beard. Go figure.

 

You thought of this while on your throne, right?

 

Awesome! :D

 

Satan spells Santa :3 This idea is terrible. I think you should leave. Santa is based on Saint Nickolas.​

 

Like how most of your posts come from being alone on the toilet with your thoughts?

 

Half of 'em are writen there. O:3

 

I have never thought of it that way!

*goes outside and stands on a random box*
Jesus is really Santa!

 

Dude, where the FUCK did I mention Chuck Norris in my last post?​