ok so this is my new story that i'm writing with the help of my friend. it first started as a random idea that we had at the pool one day and became this. hope you guys like like! Speaker of the Forest Introduction Sigh… Life couldn’t get much worse than this, Rue thought. She was thinking back to the day it all started, the accident. All I can remember on that day was coming home from school and being excited to celebrate my birthday, but when I came home that excitement was snapped in half at the roaring flames from the explosion at my house. I awoke a few days later in an old orphanage that seemed to have a sad and devastated atmosphere. The volunteers at the orphanage told me that the explosion was planned by terrorists who were targeting my father. Since I was rescued, I lived at the orphanage for a year. I was not over the shock of the accident, I was not social and had few friends. Many of the kids avoided me and some were cruel and taunted me, saying that I was unwanted by my family. On one fateful day, a newly wed couple came to the orphanage. They observed the children of the orphanage, but none of them seemed to be quite to the taste of the couple. Surprisingly, they chose me over the rest of the spiteful children. I then packed my bags and was wisked away from the cruel orphanage. Chapter 1: The Day We Met I awoke from the recollection of my memories that I thought I got rid of years ago. Guess I didn’t. With a sigh I got out of my bed and slipped on my grass green slippers and robe that matched. I slowly walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. To my surprise, I am warmly greeted by my mom and dad at the table. “I thought you guys would be at work by now”. They looked at each other and smiled. “Have you forgotten?”, my mom asked, “It’s your birthday”! Yes, the same day 10 years ago that my family left the world. I never looked forward to my birthday. It was just another reminder of the day that I wanted to forget, yet my parents insisted on reminding me. Today is my 16th birthday, though I don’t see the point of celebrating. It’s not like it’s a happy time for me. Even though it is my birthday, it doesn’t mean that people are gonna treat me any better. I look down at the table and see a wide spread of all my favorite breakfast foods. To be Continued. sorry i dont have all of the first chapter done i just give you guys a taste of the story, but the rest of chapter 1 will come soon. p.s. i would really love your feedback. i think it would be really awesome for you guys to tell me your opinions good or bad. thanks! ^.^
For it being incomplete, it's not a bad start at all. The way it's set up on memories, such as the explosion that's mentioned, interested me. For improvements, I think a little more could go into the introduction. I also think it could use a little more action, but other than that, it's good.
this story is not the finish product so ill have to go and tweak things here and there so the intro will probably will be longer. also the story will have more action its just because its the being and like most stories the beings are usually boring and dont have much action in it. :)
I like it so far, i just feel like i need to read the rest of the first chapter before making a proper assessment. The first chapter needs a good struggle/antagonist for the protagonist. The fire and death is a good start, but i think there needs to be something that just grabs the interests of the audience. I would suggest more descriptions, professionally of course. Describe the room, describe the people. I was also confused as to the birthday/death thing, i thought the character comes down and sees his parents, and then he says it's his/her birthday and they died. Also i don't remember if you gave the protagonist a gender... Anyways, it's a good start, just need to work out kinks. Hope this helps:)
thank you that helps me alot. by the way in the intro it says that her real parents died and is then adopted so she calls her adopted parents mom and dad. also her parents die on her birthday which i did not put in and would explain your confusion. thanks for pointing that out ill edit the story now so it does not confuse the other readers. Chapter 1: The Day We Met I awoke from the recollection of my memories that I thought I got rid of years ago. Guess I didn’t. With a sigh I got out of my bed and slipped on my grass green slippers and robe that matched. I slowly walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs to the kitchen. To my surprise, I am warmly greeted by my mom and dad at the table. “I thought you guys would be at work by now”. They looked at each other and smiled. “Have you forgotten?” my mom asked, “It’s your birthday”! Yes, the same day 10 years ago that my family left the world. I never looked forward to my birthday. It was just another reminder of the day that I wanted to forget, yet my parents insisted on reminding me. Today is my 16th birthday, though I don’t see the point of celebrating. It’s not like it’s a happy time for me. Even though it is my birthday, it doesn’t mean that people are going to treat me any better. I look down at the table and see a wide spread of all my favorite breakfast foods. Pancakes, eggs, beacon, sausage, and all the other breakfast foods you could think of. Ok, so there was at least one thing good about my birthday. I look up at the clock to see if I have a enough time to eat. 7:02. Great, I have a fabulous breakfast in the front of me, but no time to eat it. I sigh looking back at my parents while having a frown of my face. I go over to my book bag which was plain black that I had for years. I pick it up and swing it over me and look at me parents. “Sorry you guys for taking time out for me, but it seems I don’t have time to eat this great breakfast”. My mom gets up from her chair and walks towards me. “Its ok we don’t want the birthday girl late for school so we’ll wait until you come home to celebrate your birthday”. I smile at her and was about to tell them something when I was interrupted by the honking of a car outside. I head towards to the window and see Jared in his red Convertible. Jared is carefree and simpleminded guy, but can be serious at times. He has been my friend since the first day of junior high I was in 7th grade while he was in 8th. We first met at lunch since both 7th and 8th have lunch together. Since then we hung out 24/7. I look at my parents and wave goodbye as I head to the door. I walk out the door to the car. Today I’m no longer fifteen year old Rue Everheart. Things will change…hopefully. I open the door to the car, throw my book bag in the back while Jared starts the car and drives off. I then wait. Wait until that sudden outburst from Jared of today being my birthday. He looks at me and smiles and screams “HAPPY BIRTHDAY”! There it was that sudden outburst that I predicted. It seemed like everyone was happy about my birthday, but me. “Thanks, but I don’t think it’s all that happy”. I say looking down so I don’t see Jared’s reaction. “Oh come on, Rue”! He pauses and looks at me and then continues “Today in your birthday which means today is all about you”! He smiles at me with a big grin trying to cheer me up. I smile back at him while hoping he was right. When are conversation was over we pull in the school. Aww high school what horrible memories I had and still have even to this moment. Let’s just say I’m not on top of the food chain. I turn to the back of the car, grab my book bag, open the door, and got out. Jared and I walk in to the school together and headed to are lockers. Both are lockers at different ends at school. Right before Jared headed to his locker he looks at me and smiled, “Remember your party is on Saturday. I know you hate your birthday but at least show up its your birthday we’re celebrating here.” I look at him and laugh, “Ok, ok” I wave goodbye and head to my locker. ************************************************************************************************************ I head to my first class which was math class. I walk into the room and into my seat by my other best friend Lindsey who was talking to a group of people. She is the type of girl who knows all the rumors, who is going out with who, etc. I met her the first day of freshman year. I open my notebook, getting ready for class when I realize that class is louder then usual. Lindsey turns to me in excitement, “Hey, did you hear?!” I look at her “Hear what?” She looks at me and smiles “There is a rumor going around that a new guy moved here!” I shake my head. Just another characteristic of Lindsey, when it comes to guys she’ll go all gaga over them. More importantly new guys so this is not surprising. “Why should I care about some new guy” she looks at me like I went totally crazy. “This is not just some new guy. This is the guy” she says looking serious. I sigh. She says that about every new guy she meets, but whatever I guess I’ll ask why he is the guy. “Why would you think that?” I ask. She smiles at me “Well, from what I heard he is nice, kind, funny, and drop down gorgeous” she says like she is boasting about herself. I roll my eyes and go back to my notes. “Oh come on! I know your wondering about him too!” I look at her and shake my head. All the loud, and craziness comes to a sudden halt when Mr. Murrell comes in with a guy walking behind him. “Everyone, before class starts I would like to introduce a new student. His name is Blake Copper I hope you all can treat him kindly.” He then points to the empty desk by me. “You will be sitting there from now on by Miss Evaheart in the back.” Mr. Murrell then hands him a English book and tells him to head to his desk. He walks in-between desks all eyes fixed on him. He stills right down beside me and smiles. He extends his hand and says “Hello my name is Blake” Suddenly a flash of memories of me and a boy that I don’t recognize appears in my mind. My mom and dad are in the background laughing my real mom and dad. The memories suddenly go black and the appearance of Blake come back. I extend my hand to his and shake it and say “Hi my name in Rue.” “Class settle down class is starting” Mr. Murrell yells in front of the room. To Be Continued. ok, first off the intro and part of chapter one that i showed was helped by my friend. she pretty much is my editor, like putting commas in were they are suppose to be and were they are not suppose to be and all that stuff. (since at my school they really did not show those types of things, but her school did) the intro and part of chapter one i showed was worked on a couple days ago. my friend is now in camp and will not be back until septemer so im sorry if i have mistakes in my work. my friend usual helps me were to but the commas and all that type of stuff. once she comes home from camp and helps me out ill edit. like the last part let me know what you think your opinions matter to me. thanks again for taking the time reading this :)
