Converting the way I laid it out on Microsoft Word to a post was a nightmare. I have everything the way I want it and pasting here just messes it up... Anyway, this was a short play I created at the start of summer and have been working on it till now. I began writing it because it was a form of writing I had never done before, one that deals with purely words and actions. Please read, post and comment. Thank you Trog/Jiku Neon/Rebecca Black for actually mentally pushing me to post this. A quick summary of the events ahead: This is the story of an old disabled cobbler who contemplates life, the world and his impact on it as well as his legacy. Whilst this occurs, a young man journeys to the old cobbler to ask him about his recently deceased father, who was once an old friend to his father. The young man wishes to learn about his father who never talked about himself, by finding out from his oldest friend. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ACT ONE, SCENE ONE [The stage is darkened, the sound of a cockerel bellows out in a rhythm. The shoe shop is lit up. With the scene of a number of different shoes of varied shapes, sizes, designs yet all given the same care and attention. The most lavish pair of shoes are placed on a pedestal in the dead centre of the shop. The shop is in disrepair and brittle, with old faded colours on the walls, cobwebs hang around from shelf to shelf. The stage lighting slowly rises, with the main bright light coming from a window in the back, in the form of a small sun on the horizon. The stage shows the shoe shop from its side, to stage right the front entrance and stage left the back of the shop. EZEKIEL enters from the back of his shop, stage left. His features are old and wrinkled; his clothes are simple, slightly ragged, and his cane holds him aloft on his two peg legs.] Ezekiel: And what a fine morn we have! [Pausing as he nods his head and smiles] This day... this day, I have a feeling about it, my children, I do! The cockerel awoke me and the sunshine came in through the window and I knew, this would be a good day! Today business will pick up again; we'll see people from here to the ocean. This shop will never have seen a better day. Just you wait! Ha. [He continues to shuffle around the shop, cleaning his shoes on sale] Wonderful homes, I'm sure of it, my children. I have that feeling. They'll all come from far and wide to buy you. You'll live in comfy cupboards, next to each other shining like you were new, every day. Ah, my dearest children, I'll be sad to see you go, but we all grow up someday. Sales must pick up, must pick up soon as well, I've only got so long before money's worth anything. Maybe I don't need it that much. Maybe I should leave now, no one will notice I'm sure that this place is gone or I'm gone. I don't matter. Not part of some grand scheme, God will never need me to care for another, raise a family, love or... be loved... [He pauses for a moment as he stares to the ground. EZEKIEL looks up to the roof, with a fake smile on his face] But that is why you are here, my children, with your stories to continue you on when I leave this world. May you walk forever with pure soles! [Continuing the fake smile, he sits down at his workstation, in a wheelchair, to work on some shoes. As he dithers about at his work, beginning to hammer focused purely on his work the sound of the front shop door creaks open. A lady in her mid 40s with a worn in face wearing a slightly revealing dress, enters from stage right, a basket of goods with her in hand, the front shop door creaks shut. She makes for the desk, next to the till. She looks over at EZEKIEL. The woman looks around the store quickly then looks at him before opening the till from the other side of the desk. She takes out some money and places it in her bra, then closing the till before maintaining her form again] Diane: [Shouting over his hammering, angered] Mr Ezekiel? Mr Ezekiel, are you awake!? Ezekiel: [He ceases his hammering] Huh, what?! Who's that now? Customers already! I knew it would be a good day! [EZEKIEL begins to shuffle around in his wheelchair] Diane: It's Diane, sir. I've got your shopping for you. Ezekiel: Who are you it's a bit early to be shopping isn't it? Hmm, still come, come in welcome to my shop, dear and valued customer! Diane: No... [She sighs heavily] I come by every day. I deliver your groceries and medicines. I have been doing so for the last month, do you remember? When you fell ill? Ezekiel: [He pauses, in thought] Will you buy any shoes? My children would want a good home. Diane: [Under her breath] I'm sure if you actually had any children, they'd want to get far away... Ezekiel: So my dear, what shoes would you like? Ready for a rough journey? Comforting for a long stroll? Diane: 100 a basket sir. Ezekiel: Oh, a basket… I see... [He begins shuffling towards his till] Ah, everyday, I say every day I have to move across this floor, and everyday I'm shuffling, eh, from one room to the other. Just can't handle these days like I use to... Diane: [under her breath] Shut up... Ezekiel: Hmm, every day, just shuffling! Diane: Course, course. It happens, it happens... [She looks around the wooden slated shop, bored. It’s in poor condition. Cobwebs are prevalent, dust layers have built up. Only the shoes have colour and life to them. As EZEKIEL's back is turned looking in his till, she takes the vibrant and luxurious shoes from the pedestal in the shop's centre and places them in her bag.] Ezekiel: I have the money here... [He searches in the relatively empty till] Somewhere... Not as much as I use to make... They use to all come here to buy Ezekiel's shoes. I've had orders from people far and wide, from across oceans to king and queens... Diane: Oh really sir, you don't say? A bit hard to believe these days. Ezekiel: Yes, I had orders lined up and down the breadth of this village. From this house to the horizon, I swear it! Diane: [She chuckles out loud] Oh now that's hard to believe, this place is so run down now, who could even want to buy shoes from such a shrivelled old hole anyway? Ezekiel: I swear it, on my children's lives it was, I swear it! Diane: [angered and confused] What children? Ezekiel: Them! [He points at the rows of shoes, frustrated] All of them, are you blind? I swear on my children that in those days I was Ezekiel, shoesmith with no rival in all the land. Diane: [She looks stunned, and speaks in a condescending tone] Whatever your old mind tells you sir, can I just have my money now? Ezekiel: What, you want change? Diane: No, no! You're paying me for the pills and groceries. Ezekiel: [confused] I have the money here? Diane: Good, yes, I've got a lot to do today. Can't waste any more time here. Ezekiel: This day will be a good day, I tell you! Diane: Yes, Mr Ezekiel... Whatever you say... Ezekiel: We must now enjoy this beautiful day, children, and it needs to be grasped, so go on and take it! [He grins, whilst DIANE takes the money from his and plods out of the shop, heaving a heavy breath and rolling her eyes.] Diane: [Off stage] What an old decrepit man, like talking to a child... Ezekiel: Eh, these children. Their parents bring them up spoiled and begging for money from old men. What a world... Tut, tut... [He sits down in his wheelchair, tired and breathless.] You wouldn’t do that to others, would you? You’re all kind and generous, wouldn’t want to hurt others. You're made for walking, and running, and crossing the land. No desire other than to journey, to experience a story. You all can live forever with the right people, walked and cared for, loved for, nothing quite the love between the two. It makes me think about the youth, how they have all that energy, that potential but just never quite fulfil it. What a waste. [He sighs to himself] Time is such a quick thing. That youth turns to age, that age to death, and in that time, in between those two is when our impact is felt and whether we'll be remembered. I missed that time, I left with no treasures, no memories, only the sorrow of the days gone by. And that is why, my children, we are in this old rickety shop, because your father empathises with it each day. It's looking worse for wear, it's losing bits and pieces, and so am I. [Pause] I remember this place as being better, greater. The world has been unkind to us both, beating us down by the winds of change, by the youth tearing us down for profit and with that type of world now surrounding this town... It's no wonder that woman with the medicine, has become simply bitter before her time, how sad she's such an old woman before her time... [EZEKIEL notes that the elaborate shoes in the centre of the shop have gone, and begins to tear up slightly whilst touching the pedestal] I just wish she didn’t have to take them… Every time she's here, why did she have to take away my children from me… They're all I have left, I just can't take the beatings, world, not anymore... No more of it, no more... Take it away world, please... [He leans over the pedestal, and cries softly, until the comfort of sleep envelops him quickly, unable to take the strain. The sobbing ceases, birds tweet on, outside, as the stage light begins to brighten.] ACT ONE, SCENE TWO [The blue sky is steady during high noon, casting a bright light into the shop, highlighting the beauty of the shoes and the decay of the shop itself even further. The shop front door creaks open, as the door closes shut, it signals a visitor's entrance. A young man of early twenties, he is plain in the face, but sports a tough build and physique, wearing modern hiking clothes as an outer layer, with a backpack as his only luggage. As the visitor enters, the floors creeks along with his footsteps till he arrives standing next EZEKIEL, who still leans half-asleep on the pedestal] Ezekiel: Huh?! Wait...no! Is that you? [he turns his wheelchair around] No, you're not- who are you? Jack: I'm Jack. [He pauses, to see if the man recognises the name] You must be Ezekiel. Ezekiel: Aye, that is true of me. My name it be. Jack: Didn't you know my father? Ezekiel: Don't know anyone by that name. Jack: I didn't- Anyway he told me he use to live here. In town. Ezekiel: I'm not an information centre, I'm a cobbler, best around. Says so on what's left of the sign out front. Jack: My father said that he knew someone by the name of Ezekiel. A man who owned a shoe repair shop on the outskirts of this town, that must be you then? Ezekiel: [he stares out of the window, and sighs] Aye, that is me. The proud and famous, I suppose... Here to buy shoes I suppose? Jack: You must have known my father then at some point Ezekiel: I knew everyone in this town. Before it came what it is today. Less of what it is... a lot of us are lesser people, and not just only in name or reputation, believe me... What is his name? Jack: Jacob. Ezekiel: [He turns his gaze to JACK] He... You're Jacob's son? Jack: Yes, as I said earlier my name is Jack. I've travelled quite a ways to deliver you a... Ezekiel: Traveller, you say, eh? [He grins, happily] What a good day this is! [He looks at a pair of shoes] I said so didn't I? I have a way with these things, my child. [He chuckles before turning back to JACK] You must have some very worn shoes then. Good quality so they can handle the journey, I hope? Jack: I-I don't know they were just bought for me before I left home. They lasted fairly well for the journey I had. Ezekiel: Don't know the quality of your own shoes?! My boy these are your very children, your honour; what holds you up and protects you. You can't just buy them, they are a treasure. Jack: I'm sorry I didn't know. Ezekiel: Be glad I got here just in time. Now pass me your shoes. [He directs JACK to sit on a nearby chair where he removes one shoe, EZEKIEL fervently excited by the prospect of work] Ah, you're lucky these are quite nice, quality wise. Hmm, looks like they were made by a man working from west of here, the stitching techniques they use, right here [He points] It's common in that part of the world, comes from their early culture. Jack: You've... travelled west have you? Ezekiel: No, no, no, Jacob left that way a while back, sent me some shoes back and I recognise the type... You've got worn soles and deep wear and tear, journeys do that to shoes over time, long treks and such. You've been on your journey for... three and a half weeks. You're left handed . And have an old shoulder injury in the same arm. Jack: [in shock] That's correct... all of it! Did my father ever say abou- Ezekiel: No, no, no, you're shoes tell me a lot about you, son. They hold your souls, don't you know? [He smiles to himself as he inspects both shoes quickly] Yes. Fine quality Jack: My father bought them for me before he left... Ezekiel: You leave them with me for the night they'll be ready by the morning. Perfect, good as new, ready for their next adventure. Jack: Mr Ezekiel, my message is very important. My father Jacob he... died a month ago. He just slept and didn't wake up again. He had a mortal illness, no one could tell how long left he had, but he prepared all the same. My father had always talked about you when I was younger. More in the last few months of his life than ever before. He'd say 'Now Uncle Zeke is the best man you'll ever meet' or 'You'll never be able to go back to any other shoes again' [EZEKIEL chuckled a little] He told me to visit you, he made me promise. That no matter where you were, I should find you. And deliver a message if I could find you. Ezekiel: ...Just gone is he...? Jack: We can wait a while if you want. Ezekiel: I think I've... been waiting too much in my life. I've been thinking about this for a while, recently, about your father. He never came back after his trip out west 20 years ago. He left his hometown to study far away. And I'm just not sure anymore! [He slams his cane against the floor, in anger] Jack: I understand. Ezekiel: It's just... I've worked on so many boring shoes. High end ones, gilded, studded ones. Some with gold and jewelled with... jewels. They're not satisfying at all. No character. They have no life. Shown off at parties and put away the next morning to lie there for months and years. For some people, one day they're too old, or not in fashion, or too small for your feet... What kind of life is that? It isn't... [JACK acknowledges with a grunt] I remember the days when I had adventurer's shoes. Shoes that had walked far and wide, [Raises free arm] worn soles of experience and muddy dirt of lands never explored before, story's to discover. But... [Lowers free arm] those days, are distant. Gone. Jack: Must feel good to work on them. Ezekiel: Yes, shoes from far and wide... Do you know how I came to this profession? Surely Jacob told you? He always liked telling stories. Jack: My father told me... he said... [JACK goes quiet] Ezekiel: No need to be silent, son. I'm an old man I've come to terms with it years ago. [He taps his foot with his cane, it makes a banging sound] Jack: When you were young and friends with my father, he use to say you'd both go on adventures together. And that when you had grown up that you'd one day, battle monsters, find treasure. But when you lost your legs... You changed... Ezekiel: I did a bit, I did... Jack: He said you cried all the time from then on. You couldn't travel nearly anywhere without your wheelchair... and that you felt so alone. [He pauses] So he grabbed your hand and said; 'One day I'm going to go on an adventure to find gold, and I'll buy you the best wheelchair ever and we'll both go on more adventures! You'll see Zeke!' Ezekiel: Jacob had that way about him, when he put his mind to something he was committed... Loyal to his thoughts... Even the impossible ones... I miss that... But children are children and I don't blame him for not keeping that promise. I'm glad he tried though...You should go now, son. The weather will get better by tomorrow and first light from here is the best time to leave westward and- Jack: You're the closest thing I have to a father... to my father, I mean... Uncle Zeke. [It was silent for an awkward time] Ezekiel: That's... Not saying much... Jack: My father wanted to give you this. [Out of his bag, JACK passes an envelope to EZEKIEL] Ezekiel: Huh, never was one for letters. Maybe later... [He sighs staring at the letter's writing] Jack: Um, and this is what he wanted to give you... [JACK hands him a small pair of shoes. EZEKIEL stares at them for a short time, before chuckling to himself. He shakes his head as he hides his face from Jack] Ezekiel: Ah, you sentimental idiot... you should've given these away... should have guessed you'd keep them. My very last pair of shoes, ones I could actually wear and feel on my feet, instead of these damn peg legs. Best travels I ever had was with these. [He smiles to himself, pausing as he is lost in thought] Thank you son, I need to take a rest, it's getting dark and I'm just not like a use to be. Getting tired all the time. [He yawns, faking] Jack: Of course... Uncle. I'll see you tomorrow if that's alright? [He picks up his bad, heading for the door] Ezekiel: My boy, don't you leave. Jacob's son is staying here tonight. No questions, you have the spare room, it's the best I can offer. [EZEKIEL makes a fuss, pushing him through the back shop door, off stage left] Please make yourself at home. Rest, rest, tomorrow. I just have a good feeling about it, ha! Jack: Ah, you're too kind Uncle Zeke. Ugh, goodnight. Ezekiel: Yes, goodnight, Jack. [EZEKIEL is in his workshop, laying back in his wheelchair, breathing heavily and rubbing his face] My, my, children what a day we've had. These days I never get this excited do I? Don't think I can handle much more excitement! [He chuckles to himself. He stares down at the shoes on the desk. Holds one in the air.] Ah, Jacob, you were always the man I wanted to be, not only because you had the legs and the adventure. You were always kind, and generous. And loyal till the end. Be proud that you're son is like you. [He places the shoe down, chuckles] Uncle Zeke? Am I that old? This world is catching up to me. Maybe it is time for these old shoes to take a rest from the journey... CURTAIN ACT TWO, SCENE ONE [A sharp chop is heard followed by a grunt off stage. Repeated over and over. The sunlight has risen into the shop, another beautiful dawn has begun, as EZEKIEL lies slumped on his workshop desk. JACK's jacket is around his small frame. The chopping sound ceases. JACK's voice is head talking to DIANE, offstage.] Diane: What a strong man you are! Jack: Who are you? Diane: Why I am Diane, but you can call me Dia. All my friends do. Jack: Nice to meet you… Diane. Diane: So you're here helping out that old man, Ezekiel? Jack: Yes. [He continues chopping on] Diane: My, those muscles must help you chopping that wood, hmmm? Jack: Why are you here anyway, Diane? Diane: I’m dumped with this job. My sister never did like me, mama always thought I was the pretty one. Too bad when sis got the business she kept me on a leash. Too bad she doesn't know that her husband likes me a lot more than her! [she chuckles] Jack: What job? Diane: I deliver baskets round the town to people who are willing to pay a little… extra. Though we don’t always take it in money. [a short silence] The old man got something on you to be doing a tedious job like this, sugar? Jack: He's been very kind to me and I wanted to return that kindness. [He chops again] Diane: He's kind? Frankly my dear, I hardly ever see him when he's not in his own little weird world. Can't get two sentences out of him before he's somewhere else. You must be quite a gentleman Jack: To tell the honest truth... He's not like that, madam, and even if he was I'd not mind it any thought. He's been good to my family and me, I wouldn't judge a man like that so harshly... Madam, why have you come here, again? Diane: Well, I-I am here to... Do my regular rounds. I give the old man, I mean, Mr Ezekiel his food and medication. He pays me to do so. Jack: How much? Diane: It's about... You must know that with all the high prices on food these days... It's gone to 100. Jack: [in anger] 100?! [he quietens down] You charge 100 for just this?! Diane: It goes towards the cost of shipping them in, and the wages of those workers that carry it to the store and a delivery charge also the- Jack: Enough. You overcharge an old man who's not only struggling for money, but is suffering from illness? Diane: That's the price. And I'm not just delivering a basket each morning, I'm his company. I'm all he has left. I take care of that delusional idiot and he relies on me. Jack: Well... I'm here now, so you're not going to have to worry about Mr Ezekiel for any longer now. Diane: You came here to take care of him for the rest of his life? No other responsibility but the old man, hmm? [JACK shifts and turns, silent ,whilst staring her in the eyes.]The old man needs me. Whether you like what I do or not, I help that sorry excuse for a cobbler in living what's left of his pathetic life in peace! Jack: I want you to leave. Right. Now. Diane: I'm telling you the facts of it all. [There is silence] I need my payment, first. Jack: Here, just take it and go. Diane: Really I need it from the man himself... Jack: I will not say it again! Diane: Fine, I'm going. But I'll be back again tomorrow, and the day after that, and after that. And on and on and on, however long this job goes on for. Question is, will you be here for long, Jack? [Slow footsteps fade out, more footsteps are heard, becoming louder as the shop front door is opened and closed as with the creek it always has. JACK appears from stage right with a covered basket in one hand whilst carrying a sack full of chopped firewood over his shoulder. Since giving his coat to his Uncle, he now has a more casual top on. He places the sack down on the floor and the basket on the front counter.] Jack: Mr Ezekiel? Are you awake? Ezekiel: You called me Uncle yesterday. What happened today? Did the sun rise on the wrong side of the horizon or the cockerel not call out? Are you not still like a nephew to me today? Jack: No... I'm sorry, it's just I- Ezekiel: I liked it, son. I don't have much family that talk to me much... so it's nice to hear. Jack: Of course, Uncle. Ezekiel: You came all the way, this far east just to see an old, senile man, to deliver the message of an old friend of the old man? Well at least it's a story to tell at parties. Jack: That's true. [He grins]Ezekiel: I heard you talking to that [in disdain] 'woman'. Jack: Diane... I've met her kind before. I met a few on the way here. Those inns along the open road have a number of... characters. Ezekiel: You think they're bad, you should've seen some of my old customers. I mean some were real snakes and poison, they had the audacity to ask for shoes made out of gold. Pure gold shoes? [He looks out the window] I tell you no idea what they want with their lives. You should've seen it, son. Jack: How is business? Ezekiel: Ah it's going alright. [He looks out of the window] Or terrible whichever way you look at it. Not many travellers left with these damned lower train costs. Adventurers were my main buyers, always looking for good quality stuff. But since people can get to one place to another by buying a ticket, and a cheap one at that with all this cutting corners in safety, I haven't had what I use to have. That's a good point, why'd you walk here anyway? Jack: My father actually. He always told me to walk places. To be grateful to be able to see places that a train or cart can't take you. Ezekiel: Ah, that old softy. Never thought he thought about me that much, really. If you wanted to take the train you should've done so. Don't let my disability stop you, eh? [He pauses to chuckle a little] Jack: Uncle... [EZEKIEL grunts in acknowledgement] That Diane lady, she's ripping you off. She's overcharging you for everything in that basket. Ezekiel: [angry] What, are you going to go into town for me then? Because I sure can't make it anymore. Jack: I can make the trip if you want. Ezekiel: Well you can't stay in the spare room forever, can you? [Silence]Jack: I... [He pauses] have family back home... Ezekiel: Should've known this day was gonna be bad. Should've just guessed it, that you're just a postman. For the dead no less. An undead postman. Give me a letter and leave. Jack: I have a wife... and she's pregnant. Ezekiel: Sure, sure you do. Pretty wife, kid on the way it's a surprise you left them at all! Jack: If it was a boy, I was going to name him Zeke! Ezekiel: [silence] Course you were... Jack: My wife... she told me that I should pick a name that meant something to me. Be about someone I care about. Ezekiel: Why not Jacob then, he was always the better person. The better man. He had a family. Old Zeke was left alone in his old home town. He could never leave, so he had his own family, hearing the stories of all the children he took in that were thrown or dumped. He repaired them and kept the warm, safe, clean. What else could he do. He needed the company... Jack: I'm not my father, Uncle. Ezekiel: But you are! You go on adventures, you leave your home behind to chase some wild dreams. You're just like him! Jack: My father was a good man to me, but he was lost in his dreams, in his adventures. And I'm not like that. I'm here with a goal. To do what my father couldn't. To come back after so many years to see the friend he abandoned! [He pauses] And I am here, and I won't leave till I do what my father couldn't, to see you take an adventure... with me! [Stunned into silence, EZEKIEL hangs his head slightly at the outburst, feeling some sort of guilt and joy. He raises his head to first face the window and then to JACK] Ezekiel: I'm sorry... I just don't... meet many people, it's made me a little... [He spins his hand in a circle] a little... what's the word... Jack: Eccentric? Ezekiel: [He clicks his fingers] Different... but eccentric's a nicer word. Jack: I noticed at the beginning, when we first talked... Ezekiel: Of course you did... [Long pause] You really came here to see me, not just because of Jacob? Jack: Yes, Uncle. Ezekiel: Don't think with the idea that you hold the sins of your father, son. You don't need to think like that. You're your own man. Jack: I know Uncle. I am here because I want to be here. Ezekiel: Well... that's... very kind of you but please don't take pity on an old man who's not got the right thoughts in his head. I don't like pity. Jack: Uncle, I'm still here. Because I want to be here. Ezekiel: [Pause, teary eyed] Thank you, son. [He goes to JACK and pats him on the back] You're a good man, Jack. Now I need to finish these shoes for you, you've got a long journey ahead to see that family of yours, I don't want to be interrupted. Jack: But Uncle I- Ezekiel: No, no, I don't want to hear it. I want you to rest. You've done plenty this morning to cover the whole day. Enjoy yourself in any way you can. Visit the riverside, it'll be beautiful at this time of day, the water just sparkles. Go on now! Jack: O-okay, Uncle. I'll be back soon. [He exits the shop front door]Ezekiel: [He shouts off stage] Good-bye now! [The shop is stark silent. EZEKIEL shuffles towards his workstation, and sits in his wheelchair. He huffs from exhaustion and coughs, violently. His breathing turns heavy.] Ezekiel: D-damn... breath... these days... can't handle... the strain..... must finish... my work... [He pauses to continue his work, still breathing heavily he hammers the shoe, once, twice, and then it stops. He holds the hammer aloft, ready to strike, but it slips from his hand to the floor, as an even more violent cough continues.] Ezekiel: [Attempting to shout through the coughing fit, in a hoarse tone] NO... [Cough] NOT NOW! [EZEKIEL attempts to wheel himself to the basket on the till, reaches out his free hand to grab the basket, but as he does he falls unconscious on to the floor, dragging the basket down with him. The birds continue to tweet on.] CURTAIN ACT TWO, SCENE TWO [The evening sun is beginning set, as a purple hue shapes comfortably around the omnipresence of the golden sunny centre. JACK is picking up the contents of the fallen basket, EZEKIEL is in his wheelchair. He hands the master craftsman the medicine he needs as he works on JACK's shoes. He hammers away. JACK's backpack from his first visit has been placed by the shop front door] Ezekiel: I'll take it in a moment, I will make sure I finish your shoe. You can't travel without them. Jack: You must take the medicine now or you'll over work yourself, again. Is that the best idea after what just happened Uncle? Ezekiel: Why, it soothes me right down. And I'll take my medicine after this one section of repairing, I'll be fine. [He coughs once] The medicine has always done its job right, but an old man needs to keep his mind at ease from worry, first and foremost, and as long as these shoes are here, unrepaired I'll worry and stress and my mind will be overcome by stress, you wouldn't want that for me, now would you? Jack:[FONT="Times New Roman"] [With suspicion][/FONT] I suppose so... [EZEKIEL smiled and chuckled at JACK, he then continued his work, whilst the young man gazed at the shoes around the shop, lost in thought.] Ezekiel: So very soon now, eh? Must get them done properly. Weren't thinking about sneaking out now without them, where you? Jack: [Still in thought] ...Sorry, what? Ezekiel: You're leaving off for your home today, and very soon with all your gear by the front door, I might add. Jack: [Snapped out of thought, he looks to EZEKIEL] Uncle... I want to stay, I do... But my wife... My child... And the journey will take time, by the time I'm back I don't know what I may have missed... And I'm running out of money too... Ezekiel: Stop, I know, I know, son. I've known since you told me about them what would happen. Life goes on without me and once again others take up the banner to move the world forward. Jack: Uncle Zeke I- Ezekiel: Don't say anything. I want you to go to that child of yours, and that wife and take the best of care with them. If I were you I would've been gone by now. But I'm not. Jack: I'll name him Zeke. Ezekiel: Yes? Jack: I mean... If I have a son, I'll name him Zeke, after you. Ezekiel: No you don't have to... Jack: But I insist Uncle. Ezekiel: Not much in a name. Jack: It means so much to me, and it will come to mean so much to my family. Ezekiel: Very kind... [He picks up the pair of shoes in front of him, and begins to wipe them down] And here they are, ready as ever. Have them back, you'll need them. Long journey back. The west is arduous, the journey more so. The weather as well will be fine and clear for the next day, no better time to travel. You are right to be ready, you have good instincts, boy. Jack: It'll be better knowing the shoes I walk in have the soles to take me. Being of good quality. Good care. Then the weather won't matter. Ezekiel: If that's all, son? It's time for you to go. No time like the present. Better leave now. Jack: Oh, okay... [He picks up his backpack and places firmly on his back] Ezekiel: [putting his hand out] Take care Jack. Thank you for your father's gift. Jack: Uncle... [He shakes Ezekiel's hand with both of his] I'll visit so often you'll be sick of my face, I'll bring my wife next time too, and my kid. My little Zeke, my wife and me. I promise I'll be back, and soon as well! Ezekiel: I've heard promises like that before... Life gets in the way of these things. [JACK lets go of his hand, and silently accepts] Jack: Goodbye Uncle. Ezekiel: Goodbye Jack. [EZEKIEL goes about his inspection of the shop before JACK turns to leave throughout the shop front door. DIANE walks into the shop, as JACK starts to leave, but stops at her image] Jack: [coldly] What are you doing here? Diane: My job. [JACK was silent as he watched her proudly walk into the shop, and approach EZEKIEL] Ezekiel: A customer? Welcome, are you here for some quality shoes? My children will take care of you if you take care of them, best shoes you can hope for! Diane: Good day again, sir. [She leans over, one arm laying flat on the desk, the other leaning and holding her head aloft] Always going to be like this, aren't you? Lost in that old little mind of yours. Ezekiel: If you tell me your size madam I can adjust any pair you like the look of to yours. I can make it custom. Just for you. Bargain prices. Diane: I'll be here sir, for as long as you need me. [She grins, twists to look at JACK. He in turn looks at DIANE intensely for a moment, full of hatred and clenching his fist before releasing it and hanging his head in shame. She twists back to EZEKIEL] I'm here to tell you about the increased charge for delivery, sir. The trains that bring your food to our store are facing greater costs from lack of coal this season. So it's 150 for the basket, alright? Ezekiel: 100 again? So soon these day pass... already the day's gone away... Diane: No, no, no, sir! [Condescending] One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Five... Jack: That's a mad price! Ezekiel: Don't call me mad, boy! I thought I told you to leave. Jack: I know, I... Let me pay for the next basket. [He takes out his wallet] Ezekiel: I can take care of myself, boy! Jack: It's fine, Uncle. Ezekiel: You're ready to walk so go do it already! Jack: But I- Ezekiel: Go on and be your father, son! Walk. Walk with your two good legs and keep going. Jack: Stop being bitter about my father! You want me to go, fine! I won't be doing this ever again, Uncle. I'll never be back here ever again! [The two stare at each other, with widened eyes for a time. JACK shifts his gaze away, whilst EZEKIEL sighs in grief and lets out a small squeal of pain. He composes himself by taking a deep breath] Ezekiel: I knew it... Pay. And leave. Jack: Uncle... [He pauses, before taking out the last of his money from his wallet, and hands it to Diane, as he stares at her, she smiles] Diane: Nice meeting you, darling, if only for a brief time. Parting is such sweet sorrow and all that tripe, hmm? [He stays silent. As she walks around him through the shop front door. JACK spends an extra moment to take a long last look at Ezekiel. who has his back turned to face a pair of shoes. He follows DIANE's direction of the shop front door, his head hung in shame. The door creaks behind him for the last time. EZEKIEL is alone in the shop. He turns and walks to the shop door, looking out through the window frame on it] Ezekiel: Goodbye, Jack. And Jacob. You've both lied to me! [Slams his fist at the doorframe] And you've been the greatest friends I've ever had. [Slides his hand from the doorframe to his side] What does that say about you? And about me? I can't go on like this. [Walking slowly, across the shop, thumping his 'feet' on the floor] Children, I am so sorry I ever doubted you were my true companions, and my only real family. For a moment I believed something else entirely, but in the end [Leans on the centre pedestal, where old shoes lay] People pretend. Always fake. Money isn't real, not it's worth anything. you've all always been truthful. [He strokes one of the shoes] Why does it have to be so fake? Why can life be like a long morning sunrise? The hope and light of a new day peering in to our lives. Cleansing us of the day before, making us innocent of evils and pain ice again. When we wake from a dream, can't we just keep dreaming? [He walks to his wheelchair, shaking roughly the whole time] Because every day is a disappointment, everyday! The cockerel shrieks us into the break of dawn, and the light burns away hope, till only despair still stays! Everyday these days is a- [He coughs loudly, and starts to tire, the shaking becoming too much. Drops into his wheelchair] The days, then the years will go past and for the end of each journey, a pair of shoes will be thrown, discarded like dirt. My sons and daughters. For they together have travelled the world never to tell their stories. For the world listens to only the greed of today. For themselves and not the pleas of a lonesome soul. [EZEKIEL reaches for his pills in the basket, and takes them out.]Will it ever be my day children, or has the height of my life already passed by? What day will be a good day, children? [EZEKIEL is left slumped in the wheelchair, in his shop, no sound to speak of for a moment. Until he begins crying deeply. To himself. All alone. He throws the pill box across the shop, weakly. The lights dim down as his crying is still heard to the stage is blackened. The crying is gone.] CURTAIN
Alright, so here's the deal. This is just one scene so I don't know the plot and will not/cannot comment on that. This is also a play so I really don't know how to approach it stylistically as I've never written or edited one before. So back to basics. Grammar. Missing a couple of commas here and there, no big. But this sentence right here, "The world has been unkind to us both, beating us down by the winds of change, by the youth tearing us down for profit and with that type of world now surrounding this town..." Most specifically this part here, "beating us down by the winds of change, by the youth tearing us down for profit", kind of confuses me. The man is getting beaten by the world using these things in the context of the senstence so it should likely look more like, "The world has been unkind to us both, beating us down with the winds of change, with the youth tearing us down for profit...", or, "The world has been unkind to us both. We've been beaten by the winds of change, by the youth tearing us down for profit..." Last part of the sentence with the type of world bit might need to be offset with a comma or semi colon and some modifications or something to make it clearer, even putting it in a second sentence wouldn't hurt. Now my overall impression is this is a bit too dramatic. I get it, plays are drama. I prefer a slightly more subtle vibe even if I can respect works that do this level of drama. So I'm not saying to change it so much as it's not much cup of tea. Secondly I hate reading plays, I love watching them. So much is missed when it's not acted out and it's often an entirely pointless excercise to read plays that have less than a certain amount of stage direction (I'm looking at you Shakespeare.) So overall it's not a bad try. There's worse first scenes that get the green light to run on stage, so I won't complain. Final note: Roosters will at (all) times choose to crow all day and night. I don't even know when they sleep. I hate roosters.
I love how the best compliments that you gave me were 'Not a bad try' and 'There's worst first scenes'. But anyway, yeah as I said before this was a departure from my usual prose way of writing so obviously i'm not going to be producing a piece equal to Shakespeare. Yet. So be kind this isn't my usual style, but I attempted to be true to the format in many respects. Maybe I shouldn't of been observing plays by Arthur Miller as inspiration? About that sentence, basically I wanted to make the times of talking more natural not to say I didn't go over it intnely, but I wanted to deliver at times a sense of realism in characters, that won't use proper grammar or words in the appropriate context, where someone might just run on saying something not relevant to the topic or put a pause in where dramaticly there may not be a reason but in a natural conversation may occur. I tried to accomplish this, though I didn't want it to ruin the whole feel of the story, whether it has worked or not is another matter. When I was writing this I did attempt to imagine people acting this. So I would advise you do the same. I would rather this acted out but obviously some things are impossible for now. About the roosters: this is a piece of dramatic work, not a documentry. I accomplish my facts the best I can, but I wanted something to signify the morning, so a cockerel it is. Unless you have another idea? I'm just going to post the whole thing in my first post. I just HATE having to reformat it from my original Microsoft Word copy into these damn thread post boxes.
Well, I like my compliments better in context where they sound more encouraging. Though indirectly, I did essentially say that you did better than some professional writers on your first try. So don't complain. Though I wasn't a huge fan of Arthur Miller he was still good and I still acknowledge his skill, as much as Death of a Salesman was not meant for highschool students in the 21st century. If you were taking all your cues from August Wilson, however, I'd have to refrain from posting my thoughts lest I say something that gets me banned. Either way, it's best to look into more than one era and more than one writer obvious as that may sound, it's the best advice I can ever give to anyone in need of reference or inspiration. After I'd posted I realized that very point, actually. People generally don't speak correctly but when I'm online I make and effort to be more or less clean and accurate so I tend to forget that in normal speech even I leave a lot of things hanging strangely like that so I'll concede the round on that one. People told me to do that with Shakespeare and Miller. I told them, lemme just watch it. I'm telling you, lemme just watch it. Challenge accepted? Final note: Yada yada yada, I get you, yada yada yada, it makes sense, yada yada yada, roosters are the devil and I hate them. Formatting is quite a chore on this site I'll admit, moreso for this than a regular story, too. Salute.
I will admit, i'm just being picky is all, I won't complain further about receiving a compliment. It just sounded a little back handed to me, but oh well. Thank you for the compliment. Miller is alright, his work is much better performed obviously, but he conveys the American Dream concept well in each of his works. Deaath of a Salesman was a very well ut together play, and used the stage to its fullest potential. It was the piece I was referring to that helped me write the story in play format, though thoughts of A View From The Bridge do spring to mind as well. Never heard of August Wilson, and by the sounds of it i'll live longer if I leave that sentences as is. Yeah, well I have no funding, no actors, no stage, no recording equipment and son that would allow me to show you it as how I imagine it to be. So read it as if you would read a novel or any other prose work, in that you imagine each step of the story. Still, you haven't said how you felt about it as a whole. Would you care to comment your ideas/enjoyment of it?
