Have you experienced this phenomena known as crushing, 'puppy love,' infatuation? If you have experienced several variations thereof, how do crushes on the interpersonal level differ from crushes on celebrity figures? What was the underlying basis for each attachment? Was it strung from romantic feeling or sexual desire, or was it strung from platonic admiration -- colloquially referred to as man crushes or girl crushes, and not necessarily an indicator of sexual orientation? I do not often experience crushes, but I've enough experience to be capable of relating two forms: personal and impersonal, i.e. celebrity (or even fictitious) crushes. I hesitate to call it such, as the overwhelming majority of 'celebrity crushes' I have had were on deceased persons. Indeed, it seems a natural requirement that the person be buried six feet under till I find them appealing. I hear people grieving over the implausibility of their unrequited affections, however those woes are foreign to me. My crushes, personal or otherwise, tend to be ground in admiration as opposed to need of possession; desire to lay the world at their feet, and shower them with appreciation. I've heard it proposed that most crushes are based on the imposition of a person's valued attributed onto another person -- the object of their desires. Whilst that theory certainly holds true for most variations of selfish puppy love, it is a simplified understanding insofar as it only takes into consideration those crushes based in possession. I, personally, don't care for that. I don't have silly date fantasies.
answering one at a time in a vain attempt to avoid homework~ Yes My celebrity crushes are often based on a combination of admiration and some sexual attraction. Anne Hathaway and Emma Watson are probably my biggest two, lol. What separates them from the more interpersonal ones, though, is that for me the celebrity crushes often express themselves in "I would love to meet you and talk to you!" while the more interpersonal ones are more expressed in a desire to spend more time with someone. Interpersonal crushes I know better and have spent much more time with than a celebrity crush, thus it is more "realistic" of a feeling so to speak; I know I will likely never meet Hathaway or Watson, thus the attraction is never on my mind unless provoked (e.g. someone saying "Anne Hathaway is so great" would probably lead me to say "Definitely *u*"). Interpersonal ones, however, end up continually on my mind (e.g. "I wonder how _____ is, she is so great and cool and pretty and wow I wanna hang out with her more *u*"). Like I said above, for me the celebrity ones are more based in admiration/sexual attraction, while the interpersonal ones have both of those elements with a romantic feeling taking the most precedence. Admittedly, I've never had a man crush, which I think is probably because most of my friends have typically been ladies. :v
Well, I can't really put it much better than Plums did. He basically hit the nail on the head. For me, my fantasy celebrity crushes are all singers, and I am mostly enamoured by their voices and physical beauty. Seeing and hearing them makes me melt. I suppose it's a mix of admiration and some unrealistic lust for them. But as Plums says, it's only really when they're mentioned, or if I see them on TV/in magazines that the attraction really hits me. Other than that I just like the way they sing. c: For interpersonal crushes, they usually start as just friends, and it's their personality I love. We gel because our personalities are the same, we like the same things, then I just develop feelings for them and become attracted to them. This is dangerous for me though, since I'm quite a caring and affectionate person and it has the potential to ruin friendships for me. I had to stop being best friends with someone because I couldn't take feeling that way for them, knowing that they wouldn't ever feel the same (or even being of the same sexual orientation). Aaaand that last paragraph has probably made me sound like a complete and utter psycho. /leaves .____.
Crushes have always been weird to me, and even a bit foreign in a way. I don't have any celebrity crushes, and I rarely ever have interpersonal crushes on people. Now being bisexual, I technically have a lot more of "potential partners" so one would argue that I could have a lot of crushes, but it's just not the case for me. "But Forsaken, what kind of monster doesn't have crushes on people?", you ask. For celebrities, I just don't feel that way at all. I would find them attractive or admire them, but a crush just doesn't work that way for me. I'm the kind of person that becomes really attracted to someone's personality, and physical attraction doesn't mean that much to me. How it usually goes is: I meet someone, become friends with them, get to know them a lot, and then I might start liking them in more than just friends, and start to develop feelings for them (Not necessarily in a sexual sense), so the crush aspect might just be totally skipped over. I don't know. Maybe I just don't grasp the concept that much, but I never saw liking someone as having a crush on them. I care about a lot of people, and enjoy the company of them a lot, but it's not the same thing as a crush imo. I still have had a few crushes though, but I haven't noticed any specific patterns besides being attracted to their personality. I just want to say that I know what you mean, and that no you did not sound like a psycho at all and that this is actually quite normal (I will not disregard the fact that you might be a psycho though, ya freak)
I've had very few crushes on people, I had a massive one that lasted for years though, but I think that one was a combination of loneliness, sexual desire, and genuinely caring about her. I dislike crushes, mostly because I find myself unable to stop the feelings that come with them even if I want to. Being online majority of the day, many of these crushes have been on people I haven't actually met face to face, but it doesn't restrict the possibility of a crush forming, which again irritates myself.
Basically what Fork said. People have to grow on me first, in a very direct way (I suspect it would be impossible for me to fall in love on the internet). I' ve never understood how people could get a crush over someone they know so little of. I mean, fantasizing, sure, but actually getting feelings ? Mind boggling to me.
With regards to interpersonal relationships, I function in a similar manner. The last time I was in a relationship, my partner was not even aware I had sexual thoughts toward him till he inquired about it; it simply never occurred to me that the conception of such might be of importance or otherwise noteworthy to him. I'm not asexual, however -- and you do not identify as such either? You sound Pan, somewhere in gray area. Although I mentioned having experience on the subject of celebrity crushes, my 'experience' narrows down to a single person. Beyond this person, I'd never focused on any one celebrity beyond passing admiration for their work or acknowledgement of their aesthetic appeal or healthy physique. I won't attempt to justify my strong feelings and proclaim that I knew them on a personal level, for I didn't. But it's all in the eyes, the mannerisms, body language: an actor's filmography positively exudes his character. Whenever I see this person onscreen, I feel a surge of gratitude, respect, appreciation, familiarity, et cetera. It's really very odd, and difficult to explain. It's not even physical attraction. Perhaps, as the aforementioned theory proposes -- the process transcribed does indeed tell more about the bearer of such feelings than the actual receiver of them. Anyways, I hope it makes a tad more sense now--? Probably not.
I am a huge list of celebrities that I have had crushes on, I find it weird when I don't have a crush on one and you can normally tell who it is by my avatar/signature combination. However, it's nothing more than just admiration at their talents (yes most of them will be actors or fictional characters) but we also did this in psychology. It's a parasocial relationship (one where only one side is aware of the other side) and we are attracted to them because they are desirable, evolutionary theory may say that because they are successful those are the genes we want for our children (but it's up to you to decide how dominant those thoughts are when we crush on someone). A parasocial relationship is quite beneficial to us because there is no chance of rejection because we don't know them personally and so aren't likely to be turned down. Also, the relationship makes few demands as it's completely one sided so no effort is required. I tend to develop celebrity crushes on people who play authority characters *cough* The Doctor *cough* simply because I find that confidence and attitude incredibly attractive. As for my girl crushes *cough* Alex Kingston *cough*, I don't have sexual feelings for her, I just think she is incredibly pretty and again I have a lot of admiration for her. On the topic of interpersonal crushes, I don't get these as much as celeb ones and it's always been something that confuses me. For example: two guys that I fancy: one with a genetic disorder, depression, socially awkward, doesn't want kids, marriage or a girlfriend (all things that I want... except boyfriend instead xD) and the other who I clicked with so well, we have so many similar interests it's untrue, he's so kind and like my perfect man and yet I don't understand why I don't fancy him as much as the first guy (also- both like me in return). I have been incredibly clueless about interpersonal crushes but I know it's based more on them as a person than anything else.
Maybe you just trust your intuition more than I do ? I don' t think it' s supposed to make sense. We can rule pheromones out on this one but still, we are predisposed to be attracted to certain kinds of people, both genetically and out of conditioning. There' s a lot going on behind the curtain that we' re not aware of on a conscious level. If it helps I' m mind boggling to myself. There are things (let' s leave it at that) I fantasize on, but the idea of actually doing them is disgusting to me. Make of that what you will.
Do you have fantasies about healing him or curing him of his depression? Rescue fantasies are a trademark symptom of codependency, take it with a grain of salt. In any case, I cannot understand the attraction. Depression should not be romanticized.
No, I'm definitely not asexual. It's something I had to think about in the past, until I realized that I do have sexual attraction towards people and I am very interested by sexual activities, but physical attraction is just not enough for me when it comes to fulfilling these desires, which is why I seek an emotional connection. The whole Pansexual/Bisexual thing is also something I've thought about a lot. I know some people have told me that I sound more Pansexual. Honestly I would rather not label myself at all if it was possible. Alas, people always want to put me in a box so I choose to go with Bisexual. I think I choose to identify myself as Bi because of personal reasons (partly political), and I just like the term more? In my opinion, being Bi doesn't necessarily mean having to fall in the binary, and the whole "hearts not parts" argument against it. But this is a whole other topic so, I'll just leave it at that for now.
Not really, it saddens me deeply when he is in a depressed mood and I try all I can but I know that I can do nothing to cure him and he knows more about how to handle it than I do. Now I have no fantasies with him because I know he doesn't want a girlfriend so I refuse to let myself fall for him because I know it will hurt. I fancy him but when he gets depressed it's a big turn off so I wouldn't say it's romanticized (I completely agree that it shouldn't be, it's such a terrible thing), it's when he's happy that I feel attracted to him.
