Well people, this fan-fic was originally made by "Pedro" in the communitty "Desorganization XIII" at orkut. It'll be translated by me, since it was originally in portuguese. Mansex Report 01 - Heartless Pet Shop This month the organization is passing through a serious monetary crisis, without money even to supply the basic necessities (I noticed that when I saw my swedden chocolate was over). In search of a solution to collect Munny, I made some research, until an idea occured: people love pets, so I decided to open a pet shop. But not a normal shop, a heartless one! The idea sounded great on the beggining: there are people who have all kinds of exotic animals, such as monkeys, snakes and lizards, etc. And the heartless are exotic as well. Who never dreamed of walking with your pet Darkside on the collar? Of course some organization members tried to dissuade me of my purpose: Saïx: This will never do, Xemnas. You can't know what they will do to their owners! Axel: Why dont you open a fast-food ? I like toast hamburgers. :) Xemnas: Never! I wont forget the years it took me to become thin again because of this stupid fast-food! And Saïx, what is wrong with the heartless sale? They're very pracital: dont destroy the furnitures, dont poop and dont smell people's asses. To my surprise and disillusionment, Saïx was right: I forgot the heartless follow a basic instinct, which is to capture hearts. As I have no heart, it meant nothing to me, until the customers' friends called the Customer Service saying their friends had become heartless. Also, a good-for-nothing island disappeared somewhere, just after my first Darkside sale. There was only one advantage to it: some of those heartless generated nobodies for my evil army *diabolic laugh* The heartless shop sounded like a lost business until a customer saved it: an astute hunter called Clayton bought a great amount of Powerwilds and Bouncywilds to the jungle he was hunting gorillas at. Some weeks after that, a guy that looked a lot like me bought an imense amount of Shadows, Dark Balls and Invisibles. The sales began to speed up and soon I discovered the andswer: the heartless would be a soldiers supply to supervillains. The result was a sucess: evil celebrities like Adolf Hitler, Mao Tse Tung and Osama Bin Laden soon began askin for heartless for their armys (why do you think they became famous?). Unhapilly, the shop had a dark end. It was the day of my life's business, and on that day I was summoned by the evil sindicate to meet someone at Hollow Bastion, and then I let our newcomer, Roxas, to take care of the shop. Some time after I left, a fat, full-of-money guy called Pete came to the shop and bought all the heartless stock, and the reserve. Roxas sold them to him for some miserable 10 MUNNY! That was a catastrophe: I dint had money to re-supply the shop and it brocke. Poor thing, it would be the organization's glory moment. Now it is 3:00 am. Fortunately, the little money that remained was enought to take the organization out of the hole. And talking about taking out, I have to take Roxas out of the Rabid Dog's jail (I put him there to avenge). Ah, never mind, I'll take him out next week, IF I remember >=D. For now, I'll try Axel's idea, fast-food sounds a good thing.
That was pretty good, actually. A Heartless shop. That would be fun. *imagines Xemnas working at a fast food restaraunt* But that's even better!
There's a lot more coming, just remember that they were written last year, so he'll still be making jokes about Zexion not having a weapon :). There are also some other good fics from him, such as "The Adventures of a Teenage Organization" or "The Marluxia Revolutions" Mansex Report 1 : Paranoy Today I had a strange feeling something bad would happen to me. I was at my room, ready to begin a new day (there's no day here, but who cares?), taking my breakfast , when I accidentally let my coffee cup I was about to drink fall, and it broke. I tought the coffee was somewhat green, just like poison, I throwed the pieces away, cleaned the floor and left. When I was getting downstairs, I saw my pocket was pierced and my coins felt on the ground. When I ducked to get'em, I felt something sharp passing just over my head and after that Marluxia was rolling downstairs with his scyte on hand. Had I a heart it would be definetly funny... lol >=D. Finally I got in the garage, where was my car, the Mansex-mobile (any assembling to bat-mobile is mere coincidence). But I saw one of the tires was pierced and I had to switch it. Just then, I found a strange lock in the door-malad, where was the reserve. The lock was a strange green cylinder, with a bolt and ring on the edge. I took out the bolt and threw the cylinder to a corner, switched the tire, and acionated the Mansex-mobile and left the garage.Just as I left I heard an explosion noise. I looked at the rear view mirror and saw Larxene all burned, jumping with rage. Should be on "the days" (thats why I dont get women in the Organization anymore, they're all full of problems. During my way to the work, which passes through a desert road, I saw a purple that made a sound like "bee-bee" running faster than my car. I decided to race him, it was a good idea, since just at the moment I got faster an enormous rock felt just were my car was. At the rear view mirror I could see two aparently familiar persons hitting a coyote... had I a heart I would have pity for the poor animal. Finally I arrived at the Evil Sindicate Headquarters. On the mid of a reunion, an employee gave me a strange packet, in it was written: "To our loved bossy, from Marluxia and Larxene." I got tense imediatly, knowing those two were always trying to kill me, even if they did not try anything recently. I opened the package, and noticed it was all a big paranoy of mine. There was this great golden watch belted to a lot of weird plastic things. I dont know why all on the room ran away from such a beautiful present, but I got the watch and threw the plastic things over the window and got an even more beautiful present: fireworks! Really the greatest present I ever got! I left the work on the end of the day. The Evil Sindicate really needs better cleaners, the outside was full of dead bodies, fire and blood. Maybe I'll lend Demyx to then, no one can stand his music anyway. Back at home: Xemnas: I'm home people! Marluxia and Larxene: *fall from the sofa* Xemnas: Marluxia, Larxene! I never expected such a great present from you. From now on, you have my entire confidence; I'll never think bad abot you again. I went upstairs, happily as if I had a heart. I tought by the morning something bad would happen to me. I should have keeped that tought, because something really happened: when I was passing through Demyx's toumb, I slipped on a puddle of water (he should be assaying his new dance and flooding the coridors), felt with my butt on the ground and, over all, Xigbar laughed at me. Xemnas: Xigbar, bring Demyx here. Xigbar: *goes in and brings Demyx Xemnas: Now show me your hands, both of you Xigbar and Demyx: No, boss, everything but that. *show hands* Xemnas: Yes, it will be that, WOOOOOOOODDD AVAINAAAAAAAAA!(http://paginas.terra.com.br/lazer/fdi/avaiana.htm) Xigbar and Demyx: T_T *go back to tombs with smashed hands* But that was all bad that happened. Except for that little incident (and I'm sure it wont repeat), today was a great day. Now I'm going to sleep... wait, what is this iron ball with a lit string on its point?
WOW!! These little reports were awsome, man!! I loved them, their so funny!! I also loved the " AVAIANA DE PAU" vid!! It was crazy!!
