The Little Red Riding Hood: EXPOSED!

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood Johnsonmire. She was named Little Red Riding Hood because when she was born, her mother super-glued a BLUE riding hood to her head. The blue riding hood was XXL sized and she was wearing it since she was born. When she was seven years old, her mom asked her to take five pounds of sugar to her grandma, who lived in a forest 342 miles away, in the middle of a giant forest filled with dangerous wild animals and child molesters. Obviously, Little Red Riding Hood cheerfully agreed and skipped off into the forest carrying her basket. But what she didn't know was that the basket didn't have REAL sugar, IT HAD SPLENDA! (dun dun duuuuuuunn....) So when she arrived at her grandma's her grandma grabbed her by the neck and yelled, "THIS ISN'T SUGAR! THIS...IS...SPLENDAAAA!!!!" Then she threw Little Red Riding Hood against the wall. "WHO THE FUCK EATS SPLENDA?!?!?! SPLENDA TASTES LIKE CRAP!!!!" Little Red Riding Hood knew she was in trouble, and that she could die at any given moment, so she thought of a plan to escape while her grandma was destroying her bed. She ran to the back door of the house, then she stole the 3-inch tricycle from the cupboard and then busted through the screen door and rode awkwardly through the forest The trike however, was only 3 inches big, so it broke after 10 seconds and Little Red Riding Hood crashed into a tree. The second her skin touched the tree, it spontaneously combusted, the blue riding hood she had on burst into flames, and Little Red Riding Hood ran, yelling in pain. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" She yelled "HOLY CRAP I'M ON FIRE!!!!!"
Little Red Riding Hood tried to stop, drop and roll, but she was in a forest, so all the trees caught fire, so she ran as fast as she could. She was still on fire when she made it to the road, then a pimpmobile came speeding down the road and it hit Little Red Riding Hood. She wasn't on fire anymore, but she was embedded into the grill of the pimpmobile. So one of the pimps inside came out and pulled her out of the pimpmobile's grill. Then, P. Diddy stepped out of the pimpmobile and gave her 300$, then she skipped merrily back to her house as if nothing had happened. When she got home, her mom asked "Where have you been?!" Then Little Red Riding Hood showed her the 300$. "P. Diddy gave this to me after he ran me over with his pimpmobile after i burned the forest down!" she told her mom. Then her mom took the money and grounded Little Red Riding Hood. After Little Red Riding Hood was in her room, her mom left to the red light district and then came back three hours later with several suspicious white stains on her dress. Little Red Riding Hood was angry at her mom, so she concocted an Evil Plan to take her unholy revenge on her mom. She created a giant missile to destroy her mom while she was driving to work. The missile was made out of peanut butter, because her mom was allergic to peanuts. Little Red Riding Hood was ready to fire, but she messed up and it headed to her grandmother's house. As the giant, deadly, and delicious missile headed to the house, her grandma looked out the window and yelled, "DAMN YOU LITTLE RE----" She was cut off because the missile blew her into millions of pieces. Little Red Riding Hood knew she didn't kill her mother, so she fled to Antarctica and met a penguin named Cappuccino Jones. They soon fell in love and had 15 kids. When someone asked her about Cappuccino Jones, she simply said: "You can't help who you fall in love with, we just learn to live with it, leaving a whole lot of questions that dont need to be answered..."
"But...if He's a Penguin, How did you...?" a person asked her
"LEAVING A WHOLE LOT OF QUESTIONS THAT DON'T NEED TO BE ANSWERED..."

THREE YEARS LATER...​

The Little Red Riding Hood's mom mysteriously disappeared, then was found dead in a glacier that came from Antarctica......


~FIN~

 

Very funny.

That grim adventures reference....priceless.

but there's nothing related to the big bad wolf in here.

A peanut missile.....lol.

 

the Big Bad Wolf was only featured in the "Fairy Tale" version because he was a witness to the events that happened at Grandma's house, the case was on Judge Judy i think.

i made the grim adventures reference cuz it seemed to fit since The Little Red Riding Hood had children with a penguin!


a peanut BUTTER missile XD