The Fall of The Enigmatic Soldier: Aftermath

This is based on what happened after the latest secret ending in KHII FM+......well my take on what happened it also revolves around the characters thoughts, emotions and feelings


Terra stood, watching the sun That ******* old man......., he thought to himself. Ven and Aqua were good friends of his and to see them suffer at their enemies hands was poisonous. His heart felt wounded, shattered, and corrupted. "Is it destiny, that i must live with this? Is it sadness that is to overcome me? Is it madness to live inside of me," he shouted to the skies in wonder. He fell to his knees sobbing, he lifted his helmet and sobbed, watering his now yellow eyes.
But the tiniest inch of hope reached him with the help of the hand that had touched his shoulder "Terra...do not feel like your loss was your fault," said the warming voice of Mickey who was looking at the moon above him "Kingdom Hearts," he stared with no blink, his interests were fixated on the blue lights from above

***

Sora stopped and held his heart and winced. "What's wrong Sora," Kairi asked. Sora returned her wondered gaze at him "nothing, Kairi," he replied Am...Am I losing myself, he wondered to himself at first, but his theories changed is Roxas not the only counterpart i have...........

***

Darkness flooded his heart. It hurt Ven to be a frozen creature, he moved his eyes around in wonder Terra.......Aqua...........I couldn't help you, he closed his eyes again and wondered if there was still Hope.................

***

Xehanort floated around in darkness. He was dead but his soul floated Darkness cleanse my soul. Soon I will see Kingdom Hearts......Soon i will rule Kingdom Hearts......Soon i will be Kingdom Hearts

 

It's a good start and a good idea. You're a little on the short side for a chapter. It seems like you skip around a bit too much. Try and focus in on one or two points of the story, instead of so many different ones. If you must do so many different plotlines, try and make them each a little longer so readers have time to understand and comprehend what's going on before an entirely new point is introduced. You lack punctuation in some places as well. It's a good Idea though; just try and be more thurough. I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
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TFES: Aftermath Chapter II: The Voice......

Sora sat in his boat, he remembered the day his island was swallowed up, almost as if it was yesterday, but something else was bothering him, what did Xemnas want when he meant to be "Eternal". He stared up into the sky "what are you...," he wondered. The sun stared down on him and he returned the glance, the two figures looked at eachother very sternly until it was shattered by a sound."Wake up you lazy bum," Sora jumped up startled "gosh Kairi, you're a pro at scaring me," he said loudly. Kairi scoffed and walked away. Sora followed, he tried to touch her shoulder but everything stopped. He felt cold hands reaching for his heart remember............ the voice faded andhe could move again, he stared down trying to retrace the voice, he knew it from somewhere else but couldn't remember. He had a wondrous feeling, a feeling of the greatest adventure yet.

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That night, Sora dreamed of horrible dark things, he saw a knight. In the dream he could see him removing his helmet, his eyes flashed yellow and then, nothing. "Teacher," he howled. This was the very same knight that excercised in battle years ago. Remember.... The voice scared sora and sent him under his covers. It haunted his thoughts, and fed on his soul. He was afraid, so afraid.

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The next morning he went to see Riku. The eyes of his best friend moved around as Sora did. Sora looked sad "do you still think we've seen all the worlds," he asked. Only silence reigned.