The Devil Took 2 Weeks from Salem

Yeah, I'm going to be adding more to this if people like it. So read on, PLEASE critique as well. I'm addicted to that sort of stuff.

Prologue

People do tend to do dark things sometimes, I suppose. There's corruption all over the world, just waiting to be found, if you know where to look. But even if you know this, when you find such things close to where you are, it still tends to throw you off guard. "I suppose that I have seen Satan in this town. He had no horns on his head, and no tongue of fire. He didn't shake the ground, and was not so fearsome as you'd think. He asked me not to sign a book, nor a contract, but he instead asked me just to go along with what everyone else was doing. I did see Satan in this town. I saw him through the things that people just like you did."

The sun had just begun to rise, as it did that Sunday morning that seems so long ago.

The sun began to rise just as I had come out of my home. I walked out gleefully past the house labeled with my name, "John Warden". Turning onto the street, I walked past just as my neighbors, the Madsens, were coming out of their nearly identical house. Mark Madsen, the pastor of the local church, was the first to come out of their house. He was quickly followed out by his wife, Rebecca Madsen. A quick turn and a shout and their daughter, Julie, followed. Since Mark was the pastor and it was Sunday, I would assume we were going to the same place. They were good enough people, but I was feeling none too social today, so a quick wave to them and I was on my way.

I continued on to the church, passing a lot of people, Judge Gaffney and his family, the Dawsons, the Smiths, most notably Thomas Greene with his wife Linda and his wise old father Dalan. They didn't come to church often. Not out of choice, but Dalan was old and frail, and surely Thomas and Linda could not leave him alone. We all filed to the church and took our seats. At least, mostly everyone did, I felt strange coming into the church only seconds before the pastor and his family when we had been but feet apart the entire time and not spoke a word between each other. It seemed of no importance though, I took my seat and waited for the service to begin. Although, just as it was about to, Elizabeth Stronheim and her frail old mother, Marie Stronheim, came through the doors of the church. Granted, neither of them had the most imposing stature, Marie being very old and Elizabeth being very small, but they still burst into that church and said the most earth-shaking thing I would ever hear again.

"I've seen the Devil in Salem!" All hands stopped and all eyes turned toward her. We almost could not comprehend what we had just heard. "He walked right into this church! Oh Lord, what are we to do?!" We were about to turn to disbelief, but neither Elizabeth nor Marie were the type to lie, and they had no other spouses or friends to their names. Murmurs shook the room as the town spoke of what this could mean, and I took to what I do best, and what I've done best all my life despite being retired and growing old. I began to think rather than talk.

 

Interesting. You missed a space after a period somewhere and this is incredibly short so it lacks a little something that you only get from a slightly lengthier description of everything but it works out well enough so I won't complain. I'm gonna assume you won't end up doing anything with this either after the tragic and almost immediate deaths of the other two or three things you've posted here. I think that's all.

 

The amount I write is shockingly relevant to the amount of feedback I get. I'll try to work more on this one, and although I realize it's pretty short the actual chapters won't be (that is, if I can actually work on them.)

 

Yeah, I understand the tendency to some degree though I don't really share it. Though, if it's responses and critique that you're looking for it doesn't seem like here's the place to look for it right now.

 

I'm kind of disappointed with the end, it didn't even feel like a cliffhanger, more like you just...trailed off.

You're writing style is old fashioned but I like it. Only complaint is the length, of course; nothing really happened that captured my interest but your way with words made up for it in my eyes.

 

I agree with this. I feel as if your "timing" was off so to speak.
If you had ended with "I've seen the Devil in Salem!" and postponed the rest until the start of a potential update, you'd have left us hanging far better.
Of course, it would make the prologue rather short but I think that would work here.

That being said, I'm quite interested. Most works tend to give away the time and place in the very beginning. I don't even fully know which century we're in yet. Is this deliberate? Either way, it's kind of interesting.
I'm quite interested in the story itself. Sounds like a cool concept.