This is a story I made up a couple of days ago. I think it turned out pretty good. Whaddaya think?: It all began when Sora lost his heart and faded into darkness. His spirit lived on, even as he faded from existence. But this newly born form of Sora, had no feelings. His face showed no emotion, no care or mercy for others. He destroyed any being of light that crossed him. Many brave men and creatures stood up to fight him but their attemps proved futile. In the blackest room ever found, a particuarly strong being of light named Naminé watched the boy through her notebook. One day she could no longer watch as the boy took down others. She lured the boy to her and encaged him in a cage of pure darkness, where he would sleep until he had finally let go of the evil inside him. Many years passed and the boy finally awoke, no longer evil. His face now showed emotion. He now cared for others. But the one thing he still couldn't do was feel. The one and only thing he could now remember was Naminé's last words to him as he fell asleep: now you will never harm anyone again. Far away, Naminé no longer watched him in the blackest room. She now sat in the whitest room, waiting for the boy to find her again. With her in this white room, was Sora's lifeless form. The boy left his black prison and found himself in a twilit town. The boy named himself Roxas and lived a normal life until he heard a voice calling on him from far away. This voice, to him, sounded very familiar. The voice led him to a white room filled with hand drawn pictures, many of witch, were of him. As he looked at them, one by one, one of them caught his eye. It was a picture of him and another boy. Under the boys picture was the name Sora. But under his picture was an x. Roxas looked down at the floor, an ashamed look on his face. ''Why can't I feel? Why do I show emotion but can't feel it?'' He asked himself. ''Because you're not suposed to.'' Said a voice behind him. Roxas looked around. A girl wearing white rags was sat in a chair beside a white pod, witch, when he had entered, Roxas had not noticed. ''So, you are the boy with no feelings?'' Said the girl. Roxas nodded slowly, even though he wasn't sure what she meant. But then again, who else was a boy that couldn't feel apart from him? ''Can you still remember whatt I told you before you went to sleep?'' The girl asked him. ''Now you will never harm anyone again...'' Roxas said, looking at the floor. Naminé nodded. ''It's time for you to feel true emotions. Open the pod. Your true form will awaken.'' She said. Roxas looked up, an exited expression on his face. He walked up to the pod. ''How do I open it?'' He asked, not taking his eyes off of the pod, as if he was meant to stay with what ever was in it. '' touch it.'' Naminé said. Roxas touched the center and a light emited from it. The light swollowed Roxas. ''Thank you, Naminé.'' Roxas said as he dissapeared into the light. When the light faded, He had gone. ''You're welcome...'' Naminé said, as the pod opened and Sora stepped out. Before, he had a chance to see her, Naminé had dissapeared. This was the story of the very first nobody Well? did you like it?
Well, I think you have some potential. Your ideas seemed to be rushing onto the page too fast. Take time to describe things. You'll be amazed what happens. Check your spelling and grammar too.
