I wrote this story for my english class and i just want some feedback The story of the crimson haired boy Once there was a band of thieves know as the ‘band of demon thieves’ who were viewed as heartless, merciless criminals, which was extremely odd as they never ,for the most part, killed or harmed anyone. One day as the leader of the band of thieves was on a morning patrol around their campground he came across a small hut and could hear the wailing of a small boy. He entered the house with great caution only to find a young baby boy, who could be no older than 2 or 3, lying on a table inside, wrapped in a blanket. The leader inspected the room and decided by the amount of dust that no one had been there in several weeks. The man took pity on the boy and decided to raise him as his own. He decided to name the boy Takeshi, which meant ‘warrior’, ‘fierce’, and ‘strong’ in a foreign language. He unwrapped the boy to find a head of red hair looking up at him, and he suddenly understood why the boy had been abandoned in such a place. He took the boy back to his men and gave him to his wife (and yes his wife was also a thief but at the time it seemed to make a lot more sense) to raise him till he could be trained. Several years passed and the boy was raised by the thieves’ leader as his son, he was known as ‘crimson’ among the group, and while he was only fifteen years of age, he was respected and feared among them. For having been raised from a very young age in all kinds of combat (for the leader was a man who had traveled nearly everywhere) he was not to be messed with. For being raised on the blood and money of others he was cold on the inside, the only person who could bring out the true him was the man he called his father. One day as they passed through a town, pretending to be a band of circus performers, the leader of the band turned to Takeshi and said. “We can handle things here you go and enjoy yourself in town†then in an undertone said, “And be sure to check the houses for anyone who seems to have extra money†he said Takeshi grinned and nodded he was used to this plan, for while his red hair did draw some attention the rest of the group was a good enough distraction that he wasn’t as noticeable. Takeshi walked through the streets of the town, gripping his staff which hid his katana, and examined all the houses when he noticed something odd. Up ahead there was a young girl with……was that blue hair? Who was being harassed by a couple of older men who looked like they had been hitting the alcohol. Takeshi walked over calmly to the group and said coolly. “Leave her alone cant you see she doesn’t like it†he said They all turned to him and one of the more sober ones said to him. “Well well well what do we have here boys some hotshot punk trying to play hero?†he said Takeshi just looked at him unphased. “Let her go NOW.†He said “Oh and what are you gonna do if we-“began the man but was instantly cut off as Takeshi swung his sword sheath into the mans stomach. The mans friends then tried to jump him but were knocked unconsise as well. Takeshi turned to the girl who was looking at him in wonder and mentally noted she was his same age. “Are you okay†he asked kneeling down next to her She nodded slowly, “who are you?†she asked. “My name is Takeshi†he said “Thank you for saving me†she said He stood dusting off his tunic. “No problem†He turned to leave when she asked him. “Are you crimson?†she said. Takeshi didn’t move then turned to her grinning. “What gives you that idea?†he said looking calm but internally panicking. She stood and eyed him. “they said crimson is a young boy, with crimson red hair, who is know for his almost ruthless fighting skill, know for his staff that can cut like a blade, you almost fit that description perfectly so…†she said Takeshi grinned at her “I get that all the time, I’m part of a traveling circus group, and my act is fighting wolves so I’m naturally fast.†He said internally grateful that his father had given him such a convincing story. She sighed “my parents were killed by the ‘band of demon thieves’ when I was really young†she said Takeshi felt a pang of remorse for her. “They were probably very willful, I’ve heard they only kill if it’s truly needed.†He said She shook her head, “that doesn’t make it right just because they wouldn’t do it.†Takeshi sighed, “What’s your name anyway?†he asked “Saria†she said Takeshi was about to say something else when he heard a high pitched horn go off from where the group was. It was the signal for him to come back. “I gotta go see-ya†he said turning and running back. Saria watched him go wishing with all her heart that he really wasn’t ‘crimson’. Takeshi ran up to his father’s tent and walked inside. “So is there any places that look good?†he asked Takeshi. Takeshi didn’t answer immediately but said. “Not from what I saw but I didn’t get to explore everything I got……….distracted.†he said deciding it was not a good idea to tell him about Saria. His father wasn’t fooled he could see the boy was thinking of something else. “You met a girl didn’t you?†he said Takeshi winced cursing that his father had seen through him. “Maybe we could just pass this town up?†he asked hoping…. His father shook his head. “Were running low on money and supplies we need to pull a raid here……..im sorry†he said. Takeshi was about to say more when his father cut him off his hand. “Go get ready for your act your on soon†he said Takeshi sighed, but turned and walked out over to his sac and pulled out a full head mask he wore during his act to hid his hair. He then went to taunt the wolves; he had to get them angry at him for them to attack. “Guess you really are a circus performer†said a voice behind him. Takeshi spun around to see, to his horror, Saria standing there. He immediately grabbed her and moved into an empty tent that was used to give anyone who wanted some privacy. “What are you doing here?†he asked almost shaking her. She blinked “I came to see the show and wanted to wish you luck.†She said “How did you get past Eric?†he asked. Eric was a guard who kept everyone out of the pavilion. “I told him I wanted to see you so he let me in†she said Takeshi slapped his forehead; of course Eric loved to torture him. “Okay just come on I’ll take you to a seat.†He said leading her out. He found it extremely hard to ignore all, the snickering from the others as he led her to the tent, he quickly found her a seat and went back to get ready. He waited outside as he heard the ring man, who was actually their best con, called him out. He slid his mask on and walked out his sheath, though it looked like a staff, in hand. The cages were placed around him and the wolves were released, he carefully studied their movements making sure he knew where they all were even if he couldn’t see them. A wolf immediately jumped towards him from behind and he almost casually flicked his sheath back smacking it in the jaw, then two more wolves jumped him and he spun knocking them aside, receiving ‘awes’ of wonder from the crowd. The wolves continued to jump him almost separately and he felt it was time to end his show, flicking his wrist he gave the signal to the wolves to all attack, they saw it and jumped him. Placing his hands on the floor he did a handstand spinning while he did it and whacked all the wolves away, landing on his feet to a loud applause; he bowed and ducked out of the tent. As he backed out he slid his mask off letting out a sigh, when he suddenly felt someone hugging him. “AAHH†he cried spinning to see Saria standing there grinning at him. “You were amazing!†she cried smiling at him. Takeshi felt himself going as red as his hair, he had never really gotten a compliment from anyone but his father. “Thanks,†he said. She grabbed his hand and started leading him away, “come on I wanna ask you something†she said as he protested. She pulled him out onto the street, Takeshi glaring at Eric as he passed, and down an alleyway. “What?†he asked confused. She looked at him confidently. “Takeshi I want your help to take down the demon bandits†she said Takeshi began to sweat, ‘did she know?’ “I’ve heard that they have been sighted nearby and I want to take them down please.†She said. Takeshi sighed she didn’t know, “um and you want to get revenge for your family huh?†he asked. She nodded, and he shook his head. “I can’t help you im really not that strong and I don’t think that the two of us can really beat them.†He said She slowly hung her head sadly. “What else can I do them killed my parents……….. I have no where else to go.†She said Takeshi turned sighing, “im really sorry I can’t help, but you really shouldn’t let your hate control you ……..’crimson’ isn’t that bad.†He said Saria looked at him in confusion. “I-I met him once……….and he was completely different from what they say about him.†He said. Saria was about to say something when Takeshi turned and began running away back to the tents. As he ran up to the entrance he could hear her calling him, he ran to the guards and ordered them not to let her in, in his most deadly voice. They hurriedly agreed and he ran through to his father’s tent. He ran in without waiting to find his father speaking with his spies and waited at the entrance, giving a hidden signal to his father that meant ‘urgent’. His father nodded then dismissed his spies and beckoned Takeshi forward. “What is it my son†he asked “Im going to ask this one more time please let us pass this town by†he said His father raised an eyebrow confused; there was a tone in Takeshi’s voice that he had never heard before. “I’m sorry son but I told you we cannot………. What’s happen?†he asked Takeshi scowled, “Saria wants us dead if we attack here she’ll resist and...†he stopped they both knew the code, only kill if necessary. His father shook his head again, and Takeshi growled in frustration, he ran out of the tent and through the pavilion. He didn’t know why he care so much about one girl to his group but he was going to protect her. He saw her standing by the entrance arguing with the guards, he ran up and slid under them grabbing her hand as he stood again and pulled her along. “Takeshi what are you?†she gasped trying to keep up. “I need to get you away from here fast!†he said “the demon bandits will attack here tomorrow and I won’t let you kill yourself†She pulled away looking at him in shock. “How do you?†she whispered “Because I’m-“he was cut off by a sound nearby, and they turned to see the thugs from earlier approaching. “Well well well looky what we have here†one said Takeshi turned to face them. “Leave us now†he commanded They laughed, “yeah and who is going to make us?†one asked. Takeshi grabbed the hilt of his sword drawing it out slowly. “Crimson of the Demon Bandits†he said shooting forward. He moved quickly slicing through their necks in one smooth movement; he quickly shook the blood off his blade and sheathed it, turning to Saria. She starred at him in horror, slowly sinking to her knees. “You really are ….’Crimson’†she whispered horrified. He turned away scowling his hair coving his eyes which had filled with tears. “Please leave….. I don’t want to hurt you†he said Saria slowly walked towards him tears in her eyes, and then slapped him in the face. “You jerk I trusted you, you lied to me†she cried hitting him again, “you people killed my family†she kept hitting him. He took it all, inside he felt he deserved it, and he grabbed her hand as she tried to punch him again……. And put his sword in it. She froze confused; she looked down at the sheath. “If it would make you feel any better†he said knowing she knew what he meant. She drew it out slowly, staring at it. Then threw it away, rushing up to him. “You can’t stop them?†she whispered hugging him close. Takeshi was silent for a moment then said, “I could†And they sat there all night just holding each other close. (The next morning) Takeshi walked into the police office, staring at the officer who was eyeing him. “I have information on the ‘demon bandits’†he said calmly. The officer raised an eyebrow, “really?†he said Takeshi nodded, “yes I ... am crimson†---------- Takeshi sat in a separate cell as he heard the rest of the bandits yelling insults at him. “Traitor†they chanted. He heard the cell door slid open then closed, and a shadow fell over him. He looked up to see his father, glaring at him. “How could you?†he ordered Takeshi had no answer; he had told where they were and had given them detailed instructions on how to capture them. His father growled and hit him, “I saved you as a child and this is how you repay me!†he roared “I’m sorry†he whispered His father turned and left heading back to his cell. Takeshi sat there for three days not moving, when a guard opened the door and pulled him out. “Come on your girlfriends waiting†he said pushing him out Confused Takeshi walked down the hallway to the main building. He took in the room, a judge, Sari a jury. He was being judged separately? Why? “Crimson of the demon bandits?†asked the judge He nodded slowly. The judge snapped his fingers and a guard undid the chains around Takeshi, he looked at the judge surprised. “Why†he asked The judge pointed at Saria, “she was called to give testimony of your actions for we felt you should be judged separately from the rest and we have found you not guilty†he said then winked, “plus you got rid of kuno and his gang and we owe you that†Saria ran up and hugged Takeshi, then led him outside. “Come on red lets go†she said pulling him along. He smiled the first true smile in a while, maybe he would be a fighter or a hero but he would be a friend. THE END Epilogue “WAIT WHAT ABOUT MY SWORD!!!†cried Takeshi. End
