This is kinda based on ff. I've been kinda into that lately, you might be able to tell. Well, here it is. Evan woke up in his bedroom. He yawned. "Morning already?" he got out of bed. "Holy Crap!I'm late for work!" He got dressed and flew out the door, and down the street on his speeder to work, only a few blocks down.Evan, 15, go his 1st job a week ago, as a paperboy in his city. He lived in the technologicly advanced city of Nevermod. He walked into the paper place thingy (name?!!?!?), only to find his boss sleeping at the desk. It was still too late to be open, and he must of not realized it, either. "Um..Mr. Larkinson?..." Evan said. "Wha..wha!Boy, what are you doing here?It's still only" he looked at his watch. "6:30. Oh my gaod it's 6:30!Why didn't you wake me up, boy?" Mr. Larkinson asked."I um...did, sir." "What?Oh yes.Well uh, here's todays paper. Be back lickity split." His boss said. "Oh, I will, sir. I just go myself a speeder an--" "Yes yes. Boy I really don't care. Just get going." Evan left his boss to sleep some more, and walked out of the building. (thats it for right now. How will this be based on the ff games?we'll find out, won't we?
For starters, it's way too short. It needs much more detail. And you need to start a new line everytime a different person starts to speak, or otherwise it'll confuse the reader on who is saying what.
Ok, I will. I wanted to start out short, because that wasn't really a chapter. Next chapters will be longer, and better formated.
Chapter 2. Evan got on his speeder-bike. "Ok so...first paper is to....The Romexus family..."Evan drove there on his speeder, then looked at the list of people. "Ok next is to.... the Romirez's house."He drove there, and when he got there, there was a fence surrounding the building. He flipped over it and landed inside the yard. He walked to the front door, and knocked. "h...Hello?..." He said, and he heard a mechanical voice say: "State your Name." "Evan Wish." He said, trying to figure out what was going on. "Welcome, Evan." the mechanical voice said, and he walked inside as the doors opened. He was one step inside, when he fell down a deep passageway, and into some kind of underground headquarters.He looked for the nearest person. "Um...Hello?" he said. "Hello. Shouldn't you be at training?" The man said, picking up some boxes and putting them somewhere. "Training?..." Evan said. "Yes. Your name is Evan Wish, correct?You should be at training for the mission." "What training?!?!?Where am I?" Evan yelled. confused as to what was going on. "Oh yes. That's right. You haven't been enrolled yet, have you?We've been expecting you.Would you like to join?"The man said. "Join WHAT????!!!!?!?!"Evan yelled. "Shh!Not so loud!Join the MISSION. We are the keepers of technology. If it was not for us, this city would have no technology at all.MISSION are the military of it. We are the Tech. MISSION protects the Tech.Would you like to join?It pays a lot of money!"The man said. "Um...Sure I guess. What do I have to do?"Evan said. "Just follow me." said the man, and he walked off. 9thats the end of this chapter. If you think its getting to rip-offy of ffvii then let me know, and I'll change it.)
Chapter 3... Evan walked behind the man into a garden. "Here is where you begin training. This is the beginners weapon. Try not to lose it. Oh, and one more thing." The man stabbed Evan in his stomach with some kind of poison. "That was Halarki.It gives you enhanced speed, strength, and the ability to superglide, and superspin. Your trainer will tell you about that."The man walked away, and Evan wlked up to someone who was drilling a few other boys. "Are you the trainer?"Evan asked. "Yes, I am.You are the one we've been waiting for?Evan, is it?"The trainer asked. "Yeah, I guess."Evan said, wondering why they kept calling him "the one they've been waiting for". "That's good.There is this being called Krongtio.We injected him with an overdose of Halarki. He has ultimate power."The trainer said, the last words leaving his lips as whispers, but Evan heard them has shouts. "Ul...Ultimate power?"Evan asked, astonished. "Yes. Would you like to have ultimate power, too?"the trainer whispered.Evan thought for a moment, pondering whether ultimate power would be good or bad.after a minute, he nodded. "Okay, then meet me here at midnight. Right now just train normally. See you tonight."the trainer whispered, and Evan went to train like all the other boys were doing. (Again, tell me if its getting to rip offy. Next chapter will be up soon. Also, if it's to short, tell me, please)
Chapter 4... It was midnight, and Evan snuck out into the garden, just like he was told.The trainer came out. "Ready?"He asked, with a devious tone to his voice. "Ready.!" Evan said, with a little hesitation. The trainer stabbed Evan five times in the stomack with the halarki, but Evan got used to it after the third stab. "There you go. Six treatments outta do it."The trainer said. "Um... do you mind me asking why you offered me this?I almost know you don't do that to everyo--" Evan got cut off, because his trainer was just shot in the head with some sort of magic bullet. "Oh No!Are you okay??!?!?" Evan rushed to the trainer,but he was already dead. "Hello, Evan. I think that was enough, don't you think?YOU are NOT supposed to be the supreme member of MISSION!!!!! I AM!" The voice stepped out of the shadows. It was Krongito. "What are YOU doing here?" Evan asked. "Trying to keep you from becoming more powerful than you already are."Krongito took out his sword."Try to BEAT me, whelp!" He started glwoing, and soon they were somewhere else, in a realm of complete darkness."You're supposed to be light!How can you use light if you are inshrouded in darkness?!?!?" Krongito screamed. Evan suddenly felt a rush of addrenaline(sp) and shouted, "Just...Like...THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" All of a sudden, he had a glowing sword in his hands. He started to attack Krongito. He charged towards him, but he easily dodged it. wait a minute...superglide!maybe I can fly! Evan thought, and he started to superglide. He attacked from all sides at a superspeed of gliding. He flipped around hit Krongito very many times, and all Krongito could do was get hit. "You...You haven't beaten me yet!" krongito said, and he walked away, with the surroundings changing back to normal. (thats the end of chapter 4!Woohoo!I'm glad i got that one done!Edit:Did it doublepost again?I promise that I did not try to double post. It did that on its own. I pressed post reply, and normally it automerges my post.It didn't this time...From now on, I'll edit posts.)
I really like how this is coming along ^_^ you have improved greatly as you have continued with it. I would say stop worrying that you are going to create a rip off, it's affecting your writing style. If you start to rip we will tell you xD but for now just have fun writing and spend less time worrying.
Chapter 5...The escape. ok thank you. next chapter: ~~~ ''um.ok.that was extremely weird.''evans eyes started glowing.''woah! what was that?!?am i becoming like krongito?i never want that to happen?" evan decided to try to get a good nights sleep, but couldnt. ''gah!what did he mean im 'supposed to be light?oh, well. i guess it doesnt matter what level of brightness i choose. so long as i dont side with HIM !'' one of the girls burst into his dorm that he now lived in.''evan!wake up!'' it was lexi, the MISSION's top female fighter. ''hey! i might not be decent, you know!'' evan said, though he clearly was. ''thats not important right now!'' lexi said. evan raised his eyebrows.''evan, we have to get out of here!this whole place is gonna blow up, so hurry!'' evan got out of bed, rgardess of the fact that he was only wearing jeans and ad no top on. he grabbed his sword in hs right hand, lexis hand in his left. ''i have a speeder. we can escape on that.wheres MISSION relocating once everyones out?''evan said. ''they'll tell us when they find a place!lets just go''lexi said. [end of chapter 5. sorry if i make typos. my keyboard doesnt work so i have to use an onscreen one.]
