Sucide? Please help!

I hope this doesnt come across me as whining. If it does im sorry

My life isnt the best at all. Im raising a baby that isnt even mine ive been taking care of her for 3 years. Ever sence she was born her parents didnt want her so hence why im raising her...She lives with my grandmother who is really nuts. I mean it she has mental problems. So she treats me like crap. Tells me everything i do wrong. To her I cant even wash the dishes right. Long story short because of her im realy stress and fell into a deep depression. I cant afford to go to tharapy... Even if I help pay my family doesnt want to deal with it. I dont sleep anymore no matter how hard I try. Im so tired but i refuse to take pills due to past expraicne that hurt me. I cut all the time and attempts to kill myself. Ive cut my throat but never seem to get it deep enough.

I feel like no one care about me here where i live. For some reason people reject me. Im EXTREAMLY shy... if a girl looks at me they istantly hate me... My real life friends turned on me. So being lonely makes everything worse. I'm just about ready to kill myself. Ive made plans on how to do it where to do it.... I know people will tell me to talk to family about it but i mean it no one will listen. I see no point in liveing.

Please help...

 

For a start have youu ever considered giving the child up for adoption? Maybe that could help, also would moving away be an option because I'm sure if people got to know they'd love you so maybe if you move you could find a place you can be happy and meet people you won't be shy to

 

This is very admirable and you should be proud of yourself rather than down on yourself. You have taken on a responsibility that is going to mean the world to that child. Pick your head up some. Really. I applaud your efforts here to do something you did not have to. However...

How old are you? If you are above 18, you could go to apply to the government for aid and also section 8 housing or get an apartment through the government to raise this child elsewhere. Then you would not have to be under her control any longer. Also, is this child under your name in care as the official guardian? If not, see if you can get the mother of the child to agree to give you that right.

As for the cutting and such, seriously... you have a child you are caring for. That kid obviously needs you. Why would you do this to yourself? Because of some relative who gets on you? As you said yourself, she has mental issues. I suggest instead of hurting yourself and giving yourself more mental issues, that you try to just accept the woman as she is and learn to not take what she says to heart. She's not right in the head and therefore she just is going to say the worst of things. Don't let it get to you. Try to get tough from it because sometimes people really are just like that and they don't even hear that their own words hurt so much. She's self-centered due to her mental condition and if you don't want to have the same thing happen to you, you either have to accept her illness for what it is and learn to ignore her or go get some therapy. By all means necessary, stop cutting and if you really are feeling so negative about yourself, even though you are doing such a wonderful thing for a new life, consider having yourself admitted at a hospital and/or applying for medicaid so that you can get some therapy.

Do you love this child? Why don't you love yourself when you are assisting it? I have relatives that do this crap too of insulting. My mother has anxiety and it turns to rage where she just says the worst of things. We just have to see sometimes, whether we like it or not, that the person is not right and just not all there. Since their perceptions are skewed, we don't have to listen to their awful voices and take it seriously. Take it in one ear and let it flow out the other. [/quote]

Again, I have to ask how old you are and about your status with the guardianship of the child. Whether you do own guardianship or not, I can possibly give you some more suggestions, but one thing is to try to just get yourself out of that environment if you can't ignore it. If you seriously cannot afford therapy, if you really are seriously negative on things, admit yourself to the hospital. Call the suicide prevention hot line and perhaps they can offer you some advice in your local area on where to go to.

I hope any of this helps. Maybe your friends have 'turned' on you because you aren't the same person they knew since you take things right now so very seriously. When we are depressed badly, we aren't thinking about other people and their feelings as much as our own, to include how we feel others feel about us. Often when depressed, we're actually -wrong- about how others feel about us too, so keep that in mind. Your friends just may be confused and not get why you are withdrawing or why you don't get out more etc. Try reaching out to your friends and see if perhaps any would want to go do something with you sometime. Try doing something where you don't just end up talking about your life situation and get out and have some fun, so it's not your focus. Focus on other things around you to bring you sensations of other emotions besides the misery you feel.

You have every reason to live and do things that can make you happy. Have some pride in it because you definitely don't have to take care of this child and you definitely don't have to stay with this grandmother either, who is not well and who would actually miss you if you left. With her attitude, I'm about sure that she's probably frightened off other people who would be around more. Don't distance yourself from life. Try taking the baby out and going for walks or to stores or something fun and relaxing. Maybe go to a park even, and try if you can to get a hold of a friend or two to go do something positive. Keep your head up and I hope things get better for you soon.

 

I WOULD NEVER THINK SUCH A THING!!! Im sorry but ive put 3 years into thi baby ive been there sence the day she was born. sure she's a stubborn spoiled brat but i love her very much and wouldnt dare give her up for the world!

Sadly im way to young to move out. although i have been considering running away =/

Again, I have to ask how old you are and about your status with the guardianship of the child. Whether you do own guardianship or not, I can possibly give you some more suggestions, but one thing is to try to just get yourself out of that environment if you can't ignore it. If you seriously cannot afford therapy, if you really are seriously negative on things, admit yourself to the hospital. Call the suicide prevention hot line and perhaps they can offer you some advice in your local area on where to go to.

I hope any of this helps. Maybe your friends have 'turned' on you because you aren't the same person they knew since you take things right now so very seriously. When we are depressed badly, we aren't thinking about other people and their feelings as much as our own, to include how we feel others feel about us. Often when depressed, we're actually -wrong- about how others feel about us too, so keep that in mind. Your friends just may be confused and not get why you are withdrawing or why you don't get out more etc. Try reaching out to your friends and see if perhaps any would want to go do something with you sometime. Try doing something where you don't just end up talking about your life situation and get out and have some fun, so it's not your focus. Focus on other things around you to bring you sensations of other emotions besides the misery you feel.

You have every reason to live and do things that can make you happy. Have some pride in it because you definitely don't have to take care of this child and you definitely don't have to stay with this grandmother either, who is not well and who would actually miss you if you left. With her attitude, I'm about sure that she's probably frightened off other people who would be around more. Don't distance yourself from life. Try taking the baby out and going for walks or to stores or something fun and relaxing. Maybe go to a park even, and try if you can to get a hold of a friend or two to go do something positive. Keep your head up and I hope things get better for you soon.[/QUOTE]

Your advise really put me into alot of thinking... Sadly im under 18 im very young but i am a teen. I will do as you say and see if i can call those hotlines. I have been trying very hard to break out of this deprision but it is very hard when i have so much pressure on me. I love the baby so much. people ask me about her i consider her my DAUGHTER. I cant have her signed over in my name. I hope thi doesnt sound wrong but i rather not have her in my name. I cannot legaly support her. I have no money and i fear that if I take her I might hurt her. She has gotten to the point where its getting harder. sadly there is nothing i can do. I kno this may sound wrong but im using my grandmother and the childs parents. they give her money they but her things atleast. I just use them to take care of her.

I will do what i can to get help. I took your advice to heart and i am able to go out in the next hour. I thank you so very much.

 

First off, suicide is quite possibly the worst decision anyone make. You're ending a temporary problem with a permanent solution. And besides, now that I'm trying to help, I'd blame myself if you went through with it and wuld probably end up being just as depressed about being unable to save you as you are about your situation. Things will get better and they can always be worse.

And as Repliku said, raising a baby for three years at your age while juggling school and such is a lot you can hang your hat on so to speak. I wouldn't spring for adoption either. It would seem to me that your unwillingness to give up the child for adoption is a sign that you are at least subconciously proud of yourself.

As far as your grandmother goes, if she's mentally ill in the way you say, she'll probably think you're the most hideous thing on earth no matter how beautiful you really are if you get my metaphor. She'd probably miss the beauty of a campfire just so she can complain that it's too hot.

With your real life friends, if they've really turned on you then just forget about them. It may seem cold, but people who turn their backs on people who are obviously in pain don't deserve friends in my opinion. You'll get other friends irl and I have a few family members that you'd probably find interesting to meet on Facebook if you have an account.

Finally, as I said before, do not go with suicide. I'll say this again for emphasis. If you do, I'd start to hate myself for being unable to save you, especially after typing all of this and choosing my words as carefully as I have. Good luck and please don't die, for my well being if not for yours.

 

I'm not going to lie; seeing the topic title scares me. A few months ago, a friend of mine committed suicide. The pain that I felt from his loss was UNBEARABLE on so many levels, and even though you feel like you're at your lowest level, I'm sure there is at least one person who considers you a friend. Please, do that one friend a person; don't put them through the unbearable pain of losing you!

You seem like an extraordinary person, taking care of a child that isn't your own and dealing with your grandmother. You have a lot of strength to keep doing this, and you should be proud of yourself! You're doing something that a lot of other people aren't willing to do, and you're offering the child a future.

With that being said, I can only imagine how hard it is to raise the child by yourself. Even though you said you're very shy, I recommend reaching out to other people. This isn't something that you should face alone, and as scary as it may feel, you should seek friendship with other people and set up a support system.

And also...don't lose hope. Even in your darkest hour, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I know from experience that you can't always feel the hope, or see the end, but as somebody else said in this thread, the suffering is only temporary. If you ended your life now, you would miss out on future happiness in life, with the child or with others.

I really hope you're hearing all of us here on KH-Vids; suicide isn't the answer. I've said that a few times, but I feel like I can't say it enough. Good luck with everything, and know that you've got people here that don't want your life to end.

 

Its just feels like nothing will ever get better. it gets worse and worse and I hate it. I dont want you to blame yourself if I do go through with it...I dont want anyone blaming themselfs... But its hard... Its doesnt feel temporary. It feels like it will last forever no matter what I do

But your right in every way....but i always see death as the only way to go even though its the worst way to go...Imnot sure if I can find new friends in real life but i'll try. I try to ignore my idiot of a grandmother. I try to look at her good point but its hard...

I thank you for your help. I will be doing as you said.

I know...Your right....i shouldnt put anyone trough that pain...But I will be honest... Im not saying its true its just how I think...People turn on me and people hate me. Who Iknow now...I feel like if i just die no one would care... I will just be forgotten in a matter of hours...

But... I dont want to miss out on my future....For one I do want to see how the baby grows up...and second... I want to have a family of my own I want to get married... But somtimes when io think about it...it feels so impossble you know?

I really thank everyone so much. it means so much to me you people care. Your advise is helping alot. Im taking in what everyone said and ill do everything. Thanks again everyone.<3

 

You say your not old enough to move out...But I think you'd find a million ways you can...For example if your struggling to look after a baby the government SHOULD be making sure you get money and a nice enviroment for the baby to grow up (at least that's how things work here) even if you have to move in with someone else.

 

I thank you all so much for your advise....sadly im so sorry to say but im still not sure what im going to do....the worst thing happened to me today....i'll try to keep my head up high....but i really dont know if im going to make it....


someone may close this now. thanks again everyone<3

 

_CLOSED

on request of topic creator.

If you want it reopened, just let me know. Glad to know you're getting through this. <3