Spectrum of Open Eyes // Pulse's Poetry

I decided to make a poetry thread because I'm constantly writing and I never post. But- here it is :3
CnC is appreciated. c:


You choose

A light, through the filtered shade.
Cascading as the grass grows in waves.
Time passes as the evening chills, falling down over silver clouds.
Dust catches up to you, it sucks you up into a glass.
For everyone to see you, picture perfect.
You're bleeding through your favorite shirt.
A shade of blue, patches of fabric; covering your naked body.
You are not independent; everyone surrounds you.
Glaring at you; like you're a strip of blank paper.
On the inside, you burst; catching breath with every nervous stare.
Until you realize, this dream is only a blur.
You paint yourself to be that way.
Walking out through the filtered shade, desperate to find your way.

 

Holy jesus, I love this ! <3

It's good how it rhymes in the beginning, goes into description (but in a poetic way) and then rhymes towards the end.

It's also lovely, as it goes into metephorical, similie, and literal descriptions.
<333Emzx

 

Like I said before, an awesome piece. Just feels right, as odd as that sounds. Can't wait for more from you Haley.

 

Thanks :3

Thanks Emz. <3


Wrong

Gracefully falling under purple eyes
Shaking and sliding down a cheek
Representing fear and pain
Swallow the sadness, float into nothingness
Dying to escape the throbbing of lies
Beating into your head
To be kicked while you're down
Constantly rejected
Never given the chance to hold some significance
I know you're going to do this, no matter how much it hurts you
To leave behind all that you've started
Never bother with it again
This might be easy for you
You seem to think that the sun sets because of you
To bring darkness and morbid thoughts to your mind
That nobody will miss you, once you're done here
Nobody will care or even remember you
For the great things you've accomplished, before you took yourself away
Turned away from the world and decided to decay
You're wrong

 

Took me a hint to figure out what this was about (ok, you told me >.>). I found this one a bit less poetic in terms of word choice, but it makes up for that in impact. I like it.

 

This was my favorite segment.

Great work. I love your writing style.

 

Thanks Hayabusa and the fuk? :3


Silent

You speak to me, in clouded words
Softened thoughts and forgetful scenes

Blurred connection; you whisper
In my ear, your voice is kind

Your image is luminous
Like a star in the deep sky

Falling to the ocean; your hair in waves
Eyes tough, the tides riding inside them

Your complexion with no blemish; the color of sand
A glow surrounds your flawless silhouette

Sleeping with a graceful essence
This fate is undeserved

A smile with a bright thought inside of you
That thought is forever silent

 

Hmm.
I love it,
but...
where's the ending? D8
It feels incomplete.
It might just be me, or others may catch on to it.

<3 still awesome

 

I still don't know what you secretly put in there >.>

Good nonetheless, and you're welcome ma'am.

 

Oh wow, Emz. You actually saw the point of the poem. Yeah, it's incomplete on purpose. Like a thought process that just stopped. I am writing about a young death, so the poem is incomplete. Like the girl's life.

The poem is a bit incomplete on purpose.
Thanks. xD

Calling
Calling, always calling
Laughing and howling; moving through my body
A chilly force moving against me
Sometimes it's quiet, like my voice left forgotten
Tangled in memories, left silent
Wanting to be heard in the shrill dark
Wisping breeze
Making the atmosphere full of ghost-like memories​

Peace

The only kind of happiness that must be revived in me
The sleeping protest
It chooses to be awakened by a hollow reason
Starting and ending with only one concept
Falling into deep water
Nostalgia nipping at my heels as I rise
Swimming while tracking the sunrise
Following a motive
Finding my peace​

 

All three are pretty good, although I would love to see more rhyming going on in them. It isnt crucial, but it would be nice to see ;D

Hmm, the last sentence of this poem would be better if you just left it at 'memories'.
It might just be the way I read it, but when the 'of my past' was added at the end of the sentence, it sort of threw me off beat rather than closing the poem completely.
Were you aiming for this? I'm just curious.


<33

 

Good, but the ending sounded a bit cheesy. Avoid using phrases so overdone as "stolen heart" and the like.

 

No, I wasn't aiming for it xD
But okay. I could take it out and see how I like it. I've editted that poem so many times, I don't think it would make a difference. Thanks.

Hm, okay. That's not my best poem anyway, I wasn't actually going to post it. I usually don't use cliche phrases; but okay, thanks.

 

This is better than my last, I wrote it today. I've been working on everything you guys said a lot. It's also longer than the last three.

What have you done?

She lived her whole as a phony
Keep inside a cardboard box
A flavorless taste, a bland feel
Falling into the depths of social demands
She once wanted to read
The pages turning, stories unfolding
Almost a natural high, feeding her mind as it wandered
This high is less natural now, the books left lustless
Leaving empty holes inside of her
Poking at her relentlessly
Torturing her until she reaches the edge
Filling her with an empty soul
Smudging her dreams until they're gone
A paper placed in front of her, words filling it
She's now illiterate, her eyes closed to the wonders that lay before her
The page is worn very thin
Like her patient heart, waiting to shine through
Expectations rise, and the demands become louder
Silencing the voice that once held wisdom with some significance
The beat gets quieter until it stops

 

"the books left lustless"

I love this line. I had to pick it out. I adore it.

Again, more rhyming ! I would love to see more rhyming in your stuff, although I do love it already ;D

<3

 

A rhyming poem for Emz; I spent about 20 minutes on this. I hope you like.
I think it's my best rhyming poem so far, since I tried to be descriptive and keep the poem interesting the whole way through. The ending sounds a bit odd. Harhar. <3

Lost Speculations

Floating in a distant twilight
Blinded by a false delight
Falling speculations and a failing mind set
Needs are now lost, they can't be met
Majestic dances in the sky
Scouring for memories, just soaring by
A wish, washed away by the sun
You real life has just begun
Staring blankly with no distraction
A quiet shadow without an action
Fingers tangled with shiny tears
Unravel your essence through your fears
Crashing waves within your head
Contemplating what had just been said
Flickering and wandering, your mind will swallow you
Mountain peaks, blocking your view
The world for what it is, don't be distraught
For the best things in life, can't be bought​

 

I like this, it seems to be my kind of thing. The only problem I ran into was understanding some of the metaphors, but then again, I'm not very good at deciphering poetry, so I would say, keep doing what you're doing.

 

Really like "what have you done?". Love the story it tells without straight out saying it.

I like that you tried out rhyming on "Lost Speculations", though sometimes it felt you were struggling to keep it in rhyme, as some of the metaphors felt a bit forced. Still, very enjoyable.

Keep it up :3

 

Omigodomigodomigodddddddd

Halez!

I luffs it!

Like, I really really do ._.
I love rhyming poetry, and this is just great
C:

*you make me happyyyyy when skies are greyyyyyyy*

<333

 

Thanks. Some metaphors are annoying in general to think about and know what they mean. Which ones do you not understand if you don't mind me asking?

Which lines in particular stood out to you with "struggling to rhyme" and "forced metaphors"? I need to know so I can work on it, I hate to be a bother :c
d:

Thanks Emz, I'm really happy you like it c:
I was actually worrying a bit today that you wouldn't :B
<3 <3 c: