Social Problems

Okay, This is kind of embarrassing but I don't know where else to turn for help. I have a problem being social...And I'm talking about both on the internet and in real life...I'm like the very most socially challenged person there is...I don't ever talk to somebody very much or get very close to them until I get to know them very well.

And this is a REAL problem for me too...Especially with girls, I'm always afraid that I'm gonna f*** up somehow and end up doing or saying something that will get them mad at me...

But don't get me wrong, I have trouble being social with people regardless of the gender of the person I talk to. And I've even tried going to therapy too...And I still get psychological therapy every month...But nothing seems to work...

I'll be more specific about what kind of Social Problems I have:

I don't take criticism well for one, And I have trouble answering questions too. Basically I just need to know how to be more social and how to make more friends. And I need to know what the right things are to say and do when I'm in public and when I first meet somebody...Any help?

 

I'm not really a social butterfly either, I have a lot of problems talking to people irl because I second-guess myself, I constantly question "was that the right thing to say, what are they thinking," etc.

What helps me is just to chill out. Don't put so much pressure on yourself--if you do, you're going to mess up. Think of something peaceful, and just let the conversation flow. If you and the other person don't click, you don't click. Oh well. Try someone else.

As for criticism, many people don't take it well, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Just try not to hold it personally against the person--keep in mind what they've said of course, but if it's just petty insults then don't bother yourself. Learn from what they're saying, but don't let it affect you emotionally.

 

The first step is to stop abusing ellipses. They have feelings too.

Secondly, you're fine online. I wouldn't have picked you as a social reject. (Well, no more than the rest of us, anyway!) To get in contact with someone online, just find a common interest. Generally look at their signature/avatar to get a rough idea, then post on their profile about said topic. Personally, if I see someone with an Umineko signature/avatar, I feel honourbound to find out whether they've read the VN, and force strongly encourage them to if they haven't. You've got lots of friends from the duel arena, right?

Also, you don't NEED to be a social butterfly offline. Provided you have friends somewhere, that's all that really matters. Don't judge yourself by others' standards, judge yourself by your own. So even if you get criticised over having few friends, you've still got online, where you're appreciated. It's probably not the healthiest mentality to have, but it's a lot better than one of self-loathing.

If you want friends offline though, I recommend an interest in a club or something. Sounds cliché, but it's true. Go out and join your nearest card-games club, or just frequent the shop where they're sold (assuming the owners allow games to be played and the like). You probably won't pick up girls with this particular choice, but the goal is a social circle, right?

Another issue is simply self-esteem. You're not as bad as you think you are, and when others criticise your social life, they're not aware of your presence on here, so they don't have the full picture, so their assessment is invalid.

 

I think the best thing you can do is change your scope on the subject of "being social."

Right now you seem to think it's a chore trying to be "relaxed" and make it "flow naturally." Don't do that. I used to be exactly the same; very awkward, hard to criticism, awful at conversation, etc.

An easy way to accomplish what I'm saying is to just let speech flow out of you, don't think necessarily about what you want to say; but as long as you know that what you're saying is relevant, it should be fine. Yeah you'll probably sound like a babbling fool for a while, but eventually you'll become aware of your social idiocies and they will start going away as you begin noticing them.

In short, don't second-guess. Just go. It'll help you understand the "flow" that takes place in social context, which is really (personally, anyway) the foundation.

 

I have some advice on how to start conversations with girls first say something like hi what's your your name then once you feel comfortable in the situation trike up a conversation find out what her interests are and tell her yours, she might not have the same interests you do but at least your finding out what she likes, a word of advice though DON'T RUSH IT what I mean is if you like her don't rush into a relationship because then she'll just end up rejecting you and you'll end up getting your feelings hurt believe me I had to learn the hard way, just get to know her better and in time if she's singe ask her out if you get rejected then it's OK at least you tried but as I've experienced it's not easy finding someone who's single it takes a lot of time and patients so just take your time eventualy you'll find someone.^^

 

Thank you everyone. I will have to remember this.

EDIT: Stop abusing ellipses? They're just dots that represent a pause when I'm talking. And that right there is what I mean by criticism.:sideways:

Everybody is always judging something I do! It makes me crazy! It's infuriating! ARGH!

 

Ellipses are used to show when something is left out in a quote, or can be used for effect when displaying how a sentence trails off. They loses their impact if you use them at the end of every sentence.

And stop taking criticism so personally. You suck. :p

 

I could've sworn Wikipedia said they were dots. Well then again it was Wikipedia which sometimes lies. And Um, You do realize that you're not supposed to troll or harass people in this section don't you?

 

I'm pretty sure the 'you suck' was a joke, Jay.

Anyway, since I'm posting here anyway, let me just say, I really didn't know you weren't a social person until you told me. You really are one of the sweetest boys I've ever met, and I just assumed everyone else could see how awsome you are as well. Just try to chill and be yourself. <3